I just cant cope anymore... it just keeps happening!

[majored]

Hi All, its been a few weeks since ive been on here . Its just one problem after another and im finding it hard to stay calm and to cope with things. In the last 4 years ive had loads of issues and everytime its been put down to stress. Not every problem i have had has gone away and im trying to live with it.

......Ive had breast lumps which i thought were cancer and were not.
......I found out i was pregnant and i was told the chances of it happening were slim. Then i bleed, the hospital thought i had an eptopic they they said i was having twins, cut the long story short i lost the baby at 5 months and the cord was around the neck.
......I was having chest pains and they did a ECG and the doc said something was wrong , well i really stressed out and then i found out it was the machine that was wrong not something wrong with me.
......I had to have a blood test to see if my blood was clotting and they said there was a problem. Well i could no t cope and it turned out that the problem was that they had lost the blood.
.......I had a swelling appear on my stomach just below my right breast and i thought the worse thing possible. They have done scans and blood tests as well as a endoscope(which took me a year to have done because i was scared) and they cant see what the swelling is and i still have it.
.......I started to have real bad headaches after weeks of putting things off i went to the doctor who had a look at me and told me to get my eyes tested ( this story was on an older thread) She did tests and when i asked what was wrong she said it could be a tumour as i had pressure in my eyes. At the hospital they did all the tests again and i was told there was no pressure and the headaches were migraine.
........Out of the blue i had ovary pain that ive never really had before .On the tv and radio they kept talking about the symptoms of Ovarian Cancer and i had some of them. So after some tests it came back all clear.
......... I get a lot of pain in my ribs and chest which i thought was my gallbladder and they say the liver and gallbladder are all ok it must be Ibs and the gas fills up and pushes on my .ribs etc
Alot of these things have come and go often

Ive tried hard not to google but i have to because i dont get the support or answers i need from people around me. My doctor only works part time and it takes about 2-3 weeks to get an appointment .

At the end of May my right breast was tender to touch i had this for about 10 days i then had my period and it went. I then could feel my stomach starting to swell and i got pain in my ribs like normal i say normal as i get this once a month. Then my right breast started to get shooting pains along it, so ive examined them and all seems normal. The next day the pain was under the right armpit where the breast joins the chest. I woke the following morning the pain was coming from the armpit down to my elbow and as the day went on it traveled from the elbow to the shoulder, then the across the chest then my neck and moved up to my face. The following day the rib pain was that bad i was going to go to the hospital, its not any worse than normal but the anxiety was getting the worse. The next day felt itchy mainly around my neck and hot under the skin but the skin was not red or swollen. Today i got up the rib pain now high up in between my shoulder blades and around where i would have my bra straps ache and it feel hot . Both breast feel warm beneath the skin where my glands are and both ache a little. I must of examined myself at least 4-6 times a day and im making myself sore. The doctor is ringing me tomorrow for a telephone appointment.

With every problem ive had its made me have white coat syndrome . I find it hard to see the doctor i panic, shake and end up crying feeling like its the end of the world my bp goes sky high everytime. I cant cope with this.
Ive ended up on google and it looks like i either have Cancer or Hiv. I can feel my heart beating infact i can HEAR my heart beating as im sitting here. Ive also just taken some medication to take the edge off the pain as well as to relax me. My ribs ache when i lay down so i cant relax.
I just cant believe i keep getting one problem after another, i feel i must of done something bad and all this is a pay back. In the past i only ever cared for people and looked after their health and was strong for them. I dont think i can cope anymore with all of this i dont know what to do first im finding it really hard. Everything on the tv is dying, cancer, fighting, heart attacks, strokes and diabetes. Its like my ears home into it as much as i dont want to listen to it and i go in another room i can still hear it and then i think and start worrying about it. Then today someone famous dies of breast cancer . I will tell you ive very scared and worried that my doc will end up telling me to go in straight away because she thinks i have something or to go straight up the hospital. OMG what is happening to me. Inside ive got anxiety real bad and on the outside i try to be brave so people do not know how im feeling. Please i just want to be better and just be normal and not worry .

Thank you all for listening i just needed to get my feelings out and i cant cope.

Sarah

[majored]

I managed to speak to the doctor on the phone, Ive told her all my problems and well as my concerns. She does not think its an infection spreading nor does she think its cancer or a tumour. As my pain is on/off and it moves . Her words were " im not at all concerned and nothing you have mentioned has shown reason for me to worry". The doctor said the breast/arm pain could me nerve related as its moving . I felt much more relaxed and my worries just left and in a way so did alot of the pain. I was ok until today .....I was out and i was telling a friend about the pain and i pointed to where the area of pain comes and go. Only to reminded thats is where my glands are and that there could be something wrong with my glands. Well that started me off thinking again, the doctor could be wrong after all she can not see inside my body she hasnt seen me she is only guessing. So at the moment when i get a dull ache i try not to think about what it could be. If i google it i know that i will end up finding Nhs website giving me info on breast problems and make me feel worse. I have had it slightly today but no where as bad as i have had it . I was also been informed to take some anti inflammatory drugs to see if the pain goes. Now waiting for the doc on friday .

Sarah

[MrsJ88]

Sarah... I can totally relate to you! I have major health anxiety and always google and think the worst. I also have breast pain (my left one) it gives me a GREAT deal of misery (not that it hurts really bad but thinking its cancer) mine is only in my breast on the outer side and is always the same spot :( I had a baby 7 months ago but this breast has had pain and tenderness for probably like 4 or 5 years. Well when I had my first OBGYN appointment last May, they did a breast exam and said it was just a cyst (I drink a ton of caffeine) Supposedly caffeine causes cysts and breast tenderness/pain. Of course I freak out though and think she didn't examine me well enough cause it was very quick and I kind of pulled away when she felt it cause its so tender feeling. I've been told it could be the caffeine I drink or also cyclic breast pain (breast pain occurring near your period) well my pain is pretty much always present. And like I said not awful pain just there and definitely tender. I've been told to try a vitamin called Evening Primrose Oil and its supposed to make breast pain/tenderness go away. I have some but haven't taken it but once.... I plan to start taking it this week every day to see if it helps.

[majored]

Sarah... I can totally relate to you! I have major health anxiety and always google and think the worst. I also have breast pain (my left one) it gives me a GREAT deal of misery (not that it hurts really bad but thinking its cancer) mine is only in my breast on the outer side and is always the same spot :( I had a baby 7 months ago but this breast has had pain and tenderness for probably like 4 or 5 years. Well when I had my first OBGYN appointment last May, they did a breast exam and said it was just a cyst (I drink a ton of caffeine) Supposedly caffeine causes cysts and breast tenderness/pain. Of course I freak out though and think she didn't examine me well enough cause it was very quick and I kind of pulled away when she felt it cause its so tender feeling. I've been told it could be the caffeine I drink or also cyclic breast pain (breast pain occurring near your period) well my pain is pretty much always present. And like I said not awful pain just there and definitely tender. I've been told to try a vitamin called Evening Primrose Oil and its supposed to make breast pain/tenderness go away. I have some but haven't taken it but once.... I plan to start taking it this week every day to see if it helps.


Hi, I understand the worry thing my other half keeps telling me every little niggle i think its cancer. I keep telling him its not just a niggle like a pain in the leg. I examine myself and i think i can feel something and i can feel my heart starting to beat fast and thats every time i get a pain. I then have to check the other to make sure they are lumpy in the same area. Some bumps are bigger than others but i have to tell myself they are bumps not lumps and everyone has bumps. Loads of people have told me breast cancer dont hurt as lthe majority of people dont know they have got it. They may find a lump but it doesnt hurt them. Pain can be hormonal and that could problem as you have not long had your baby, or maybe your still feeding . I did have a lump a few years ago which turned out to be a blocked Duct duct ectasia . It wasnt painful for me but can be in some cases, or may require a operation. There was a hard pea size lump and i ended up bleeding from the nipple which was really worrying and then i found another smaller one in my other breast. In time they both just went.

I have also heard about evening primrose oil helping with pain but ive never used it. I have often been told about Caffeine and alcohol and that i should avoid it. The pill can also give you breast pain and make them tender. I guess you would have been like me and checked yourself more than a few time recently and you always worry that something could be a lump. Ive been told when im anxious not to check ,poke or examine myself, as this only adds fuel to the fire.

At times i just cant cope with all this worrying about one thing after another but at times you just have to trust the doctors as they are the experts.

take care
Sarah

[MrsJ88]

Very well said. And yeah I'm still breast feeding and such but I've had this pain for 4 years or so and he's only 7 months so I know it's not related to pregnancy or breast feeding. Who knows, maybe the caffeine.

[majored]

As you can imagine ive been talking breasts alot lately and ive been speaking to people who have had health issues. I would say if you had this for 4 years and it was something bad i think you would know about it by now. I would always get things checked out if only to put your mind at ease.

Sarah

[LostGirl1]

I relate to you on many levels. I also suffer from major health related anxiety. I always look up stuff on the Internet and it always escalates my anxiety quickly. I've spent entire days researching online.

It's true what they say: researching symptoms online is the quickest way to convince yourself you're dying.

[ava_x]

I too understand where your coming from. I've always had a bit of health anxiety but lately it's been out of control. I've posted about it on here recently but basically I've been having chest pains for the last few months. Drs say its acid reflux and muscular. It's gotten a bit better bit I still worry its am issue with my heart. Also any little pain I get I think it's serious and I'm going to die in my sleep.

I've really, really been trying not to google my symptoms and to trust if I had something serious wrong with me the doctors would have caught it. It's really hard though to do that. I've been trying to say a positive thought aloud though when I get a negative one. For example I'm having a sharp pain on my left side by my elbow and my first thought is there's something wrong. So instead of dwelling on that I'm trying to say positive things even if it sounds stupid (I'm glad I can sit on my deck. I'm glad I have my dogs. I'm happy I have a book to read. I'm thankful I ate dinner.) I just keep coming up with positive things no matter how small to keep my mind occupied.

Feel free to message me anytime if you ever need someone to chat with :)

[majored]

I know i must not Google but i do when all the worries are going around in my head. I find at times i dont have anyone to talk to and say to someone " I worried about this" , " ive got pain" , " is this normal" , " would you be worried" etc . Sometimes its not to ask questions its just to tell someone how im feeling. I know people around me get fed up with me but im trying to tell people my thought process to explain to them why im worried. I can just turn that worry off it doesnt work like that. I wish i could and i have a concern about my health i need to know there and then if have i got something. Google tells me ive got 101 different things wrong with me and most of them are very bad things . I try to tell myself that im ok but i then worry about what i have just read then google some more. If a doc lived next door to me they would want to move. I wish i could switch all the anxiety off. To me if i have pain like everybody does your think oh whats that and it goes away but i can say my pain dont go away and i know the anxiety can fuel that. When the pain dont go thats what starts me off and it gets even worse if it spreads.

Sarah

[majored]

Well iam at the doctors tomorrow. Ive been telling myself im ok that the pain that comes and goes in my arm and pain in my chest is just a trapped nerve. My chest hurts about 7 out of 10 times when i take a deep breath. The arm pain is not as bad as it was last week. Every now and then i get a tingle or twinge in my breast or a hot feeling. I dont know what that is. Ive been told breast Cancer is a lump its not pain! Well i know ive made my breasts a bit sore because every time i feel a pain i examine them for lumps. Sometimes i think i can feel one then i examine the other one and can sort of feel a similar lump but im not 100% he if there in the same spot or the same size. One breast is slightly tender just above centre and i dont know if i can feel a lump around that area.

I just dont want pain.......... I dont want to spend days worrying........ Im feed up worrying about what things are wrong with me.........I cant cope with tests.......I find it hard not knowing whats wrong with me..........Why do i keep getting one problem after another........... Why can i not be positive about things? Im trying to be calm because i know she will do my bp and its up because of the anxiety even before i go in.

[majored]

I have been to the doctors and from what im am telling them its nothing to worry about. ONE as my breast is not swollen, red, etc. TWO she is unable to feel anything that would indicate that there was a problem. The bumps im feeling is just breast tissue which is normal. She also felt for my glands as i was worried something was spreading around my body. That also came back ok. She thinks it would help if i went and got measured for a bra, as it could be my bra thats causing the pain. That may be the case but i m not sure about the rib pain, so i asked for a test to see if there was anything i was eating triggers it off and i was told no!

My mind is a bit more relaxed but it has still be aching on/off and ive been trying to forget about it. I might just book an appointment with her as it takes 3 weeks to get in, lol.

Sarah

[cheesecake]

Sarah,
You might already be set and not need my help, but if you are still struggling with the anxieties and insist something is wrong with your body read this:

Someone in your life abandoned you/left in someway, this had a profound affect on your psyche. I don't mean to be insensitive, but it could be the death of your child, perhaps in addition to some childhood trauma. Residual from this is evident in your hypochondriac tendencies. What happened was you were so distraught from the trauma you started looking at yourself as if something was wrong. When doctors sent you back telling you nothing was wrong you insisted something was wrong. I don't know what to tell about dealing with the irrational fears (Again, I'm not trying to be insensitive. You can ignore what I say if you don't agree with it). I know how to handle intrusive thoughts. I'll tell you about the intrusive thoughts anyways, it might apply as helpful. Intrusive thoughts are ugly disturbing thoughts, things we would never think. They leech off of an emotional reaction. Therefore, the more bugged and stressed you get about the thought the more it will persist. Sometimes it can manifest into something more, and you might feel physical sensations (For you it's pains). Some people might experience psychosis and see or hear things (They have convinced themselves of something and the fear blew out of proportions). Sometimes the things causing us anxiety is us projecting some deep routed trauma/event onto something else. I could get anxiety from being around bananas, but its not the banana I'm bothered by. My mom (a single mother) died the same day she fed me a banana. And from then on I was alone, she had no other living family members (this was just an example). The trick is letting the thought float and not attach an emotional reaction. Don't try forcing the thought to go away, instead redirect it by changing the reaction. Having these thoughts doesn't mean you're a bad person, or in your case that youre sick. If you worry and stress about it (get checked up constantly) you must be healthy/a good person. Instead of getting worked up about the thoughts tell yourself calmly "I am healthy, doctors said I'm fine. I'm never going to let these thoughts make me feel bad/like something is wrong with me". Everynight for atleast 10 minutes practice breathing:Lay on your back or sit up (Whatever is comfortable) and breathe in 8 seconds, pause for 2 seconds, then again out for 8. Place one hand on your chest and one on your stomach, focus on your breathing this way, feel your stomach inflate and deflate. The hand on your chest should move a little or not at all. Its okay if you start freaking out about your health while meditating( ex., you might start thinking you don't breathe right, etc.), let the thought float on by. Don't clench or react to it. Depending on how severe your anxiety is it might take some practice dismissing and ignoring thoughts, nonetheless, practice makes perfect. If you're not ready to let them go, wait a few months to where you think its more manageable. Once you feel comfortable with the breathing imagine roots forming out of the bottom of your feet(Take your time to use all your senses to really feel the roots grabbing on to the ground, smell, feel, noise, sounds, etc). Now you are grounded. A small grey cloud hovers over you and shoots a lightning bolt through your body, and zaps all things negative in your life. Now another cloud floats by and lukewarm water pours down on you like a waterfall, washing away and purifying you. Then meditation is done. I found this visualization online, you can find others online if you don't like this walkthrough. From now on start drinking sleepytime or chamomile tea in the morning (depending on how bad it is-sleepytime for severe cases, chamomile for mild cases). You should drink a cup atleast 3 times a day, you can increase the amount of cups you drink, the more you drink the calmer you will be. I'm no expert. Just trying to lend a hand :). Also another thing that can help you get on your feet is purpose. we all need purpose in life, a role. Without purpose our ego can easily become destroyed along with our sense of reality, psyche, and security about ourselves. Find something to do other than doctors, something that is rewarding (Nowadays money is what we've been conditioned to regard as reward).

[majored]

Sarah,
You might already be set and not need my help, but if you are still struggling with the anxieties and insist something is wrong with your body read this:

Someone in your life abandoned you/left in someway, this had a profound affect on your psyche. I don't mean to be insensitive, but it could be the death of your child, perhaps in addition to some childhood trauma. Residual from this is evident in your hypochondriac tendencies. What happened was you were so distraught from the trauma you started looking at yourself as if something was wrong. When doctors sent you back telling you nothing was wrong you insisted something was wrong. I don't know what to tell about dealing with the irrational fears (Again, I'm not trying to be insensitive. You can ignore what I say if you don't agree with it). I know how to handle intrusive thoughts. I'll tell you about the intrusive thoughts anyways, it might apply as helpful. Intrusive thoughts are ugly disturbing thoughts, things we would never think. They leech off of an emotional reaction. Therefore, the more bugged and stressed you get about the thought the more it will persist. Sometimes it can manifest into something more, and you might feel physical sensations (For you it's pains). Some people might experience psychosis and see or hear things (They have convinced themselves of something and the fear blew out of proportions). Sometimes the things causing us anxiety is us projecting some deep routed trauma/event onto something else. I could get anxiety from being around bananas, but its not the banana I'm bothered by. My mom (a single mother) died the same day she fed me a banana. And from then on I was alone, she had no other living family members (this was just an example). The trick is letting the thought float and not attach an emotional reaction. Don't try forcing the thought to go away, instead redirect it by changing the reaction. Having these thoughts doesn't mean you're a bad person, or in your case that youre sick. If you worry and stress about it (get checked up constantly) you must be healthy/a good person. Instead of getting worked up about the thoughts tell yourself calmly "I am healthy, doctors said I'm fine. I'm never going to let these thoughts make me feel bad/like something is wrong with me". Everynight for atleast 10 minutes practice breathing:Lay on your back or sit up (Whatever is comfortable) and breathe in 8 seconds, pause for 2 seconds, then again out for 8. Place one hand on your chest and one on your stomach, focus on your breathing this way, feel your stomach inflate and deflate. The hand on your chest should move a little or not at all. Its okay if you start freaking out about your health while meditating( ex., you might start thinking you don't breathe right, etc.), let the thought float on by. Don't clench or react to it. Depending on how severe your anxiety is it might take some practice dismissing and ignoring thoughts, nonetheless, practice makes perfect. If you're not ready to let them go, wait a few months to where you think its more manageable. Once you feel comfortable with the breathing imagine roots forming out of the bottom of your feet(Take your time to use all your senses to really feel the roots grabbing on to the ground, smell, feel, noise, sounds, etc). Now you are grounded. A small grey cloud hovers over you and shoots a lightning bolt through your body, and zaps all things negative in your life. Now another cloud floats by and lukewarm water pours down on you like a waterfall, washing away and purifying you. Then meditation is done. I found this visualization online, you can find others online if you don't like this walkthrough. From now on start drinking sleepytime or chamomile tea in the morning (depending on how bad it is-sleepytime for severe cases, chamomile for mild cases). You should drink a cup atleast 3 times a day, you can increase the amount of cups you drink, the more you drink the calmer you will be. I'm no expert. Just trying to lend a hand :). Also another thing that can help you get on your feet is purpose. we all need purpose in life, a role. Without purpose our ego can easily become destroyed along with our sense of reality, psyche, and security about ourselves. Find something to do other than doctors, something that is rewarding (Nowadays money is what we've been conditioned to regard as reward).

Hi Cheesecake, I can understand what your saying. Ive never had any therapy after the loss of my baby nor my mother. It was almost like it never happened i know it sounds bad but i do think i just shut things out. Its not for the benefit of others i think i do it so i dont have to think about it and worry. When i was expecting it was one thing after another and there was always something wrong. Nothing was ever straight forward. I did feel like a failure and i still do. As for my health i cant really do much about it, you can try and keep yourself fit but it doesnt mean you are. Just because your fit and healthy doesnt mean you dont have high cholesterol, or you can be overweight but it doesnt mean you have heart problems.
I dont think your being insensitive everyone sees things in a different way. I feel better when i talk to people i like to hear what other peoples opinion are. If i have a health problem i like to know if others have had it and how they coped or should i be worried. I think most people are like that on here they want reassurance that what they are feeling is just part of the anxiety.

I find it hard to relax im always on the go and just lately with all this chest, rib and back pain at times i can hardly move. I sometimes feel like an old women and im my 30's.

I feel like my problems started off as being pregnant and then i had a lump in my stomach after the birth. From them indigestion , pain under the ribs, back pain, headaches, ovary pain, popping ears, breast pain. This has been going on since 2011 and i still have all of these only the indigestion has settled down. To me at times its like its spreading and what things spread.........bad things.

I hate going to the doctors i shake and panic big time even if its some thing simple. I panic if a letter turns up on the mat just in case its from the doctors/hospital. When ive been to the doctors i feel relaxed for a few days and then i start to panic or something starts the panic off again.

People think i look great and healthy on the outside i put on a fake smile on the inside im in pain and worrying about it. I just cant cope to tell you the truth and i do feel i need reassurance all the time. Not everyone around me gives it to me but i think its because they have had enough of me to tell you the truth and i can understand that. A stranger like yourself will listen you will read the message and have your own thought on it. People around me will think ohh here she goes again. I do tell people im not making the pains up, its there i can feel it. Enough to have to take medication and get myself to the doctors/hospital ( believe me im scared to go to the doctors and its even worse when its a new doctor).

One thing i have noticed is i have to know what is wrong with me but im frightened of what the doctor will tell me. I have sleepness nights about tests or scans. Its not so much the process its the results . Im worse in the evening because im at home relaxing and i have more time to think during the day when im at work my mind is busy but my body aches and it reminds me that something is wrong.

Sorry to go on. Thank you very much for your help and tips on how to relax i will give it a try.

Sarah

[majored]

It doesnt rain it pours, well it seem that way for me. I just feel my body is falling apart around me. Most of the time its just little things but it all adds together and feels something big. My breast pain has eased but im very aware of it, which has been 5 weeks. I get pain or tenderness on/off but its not constant. The rib pain after 4 weeks just started to ease yesterday , before i couldnt cough, take a deep breath, or sneeze without feeling pain in my ribs.

I hate waking up and hearing about cancer/heart attacks/diabetes etc as it seems to fuel the anxiety.

I go to the doctors and i listen to what they say and i do believe them. Then im ok for a couple of days and i the pain is still there and i start to worry that doctor may have missed something and not checked for everything. Dont get me wrong i hate going to the doctors , i hate tests, worrying about results and whats going to happen to me. However i feel i have to force myself to do this or i would sit at home going on Google checking myself and making the anxiety worse and it would push me over the top.

I do have to say to myself the doc told me if the pain comes and get worse, then i should worry about it. If the pain comes and eases off/moves around/ comes back/ goes away, it wont be anything bad. As bad things tend to come get worse and stay, which in turn i wont cope and will have to go to the hospital in pain. (I have been close a couple of times, most of it could be anxiety)

I had a bruise to the top of my leg dont know how i did it that didnt worry me. About 10 days ago i looked at it and thought its still there ive had it for about 2 weeks and its not faded nor got any smaller. That made me start to worry something was happening to my leg. My friend advised me to take a picture so i did for the first few days it looked the same then it started to look worse. My thoughts were why is it getting worse? Everything started to go around in my head it didnt even hurt to touch it and it didnt get bigger either. At times i thought my leg was throbbing or getting hot but i know all my thoughts and feelings were being drawn to the bruise. Yesterday it started to look more yellow and today its shrunk and has faded quite alot, so now i feel better because i can see the changes. I can see its going and the anxiety has started to fade and im now hardly thinking about the bruise.

Ive got the doctors next week i am worried that there could be a lump somewhere in my breast that could of been missed and thats whats giving me the pain. I am sometimes to worried to check myself just in case i find a lump. Alot of my issues is that i cant see a doc in a couple of days if i have a concern i have to sometimes wait for 3 weeks and then the anxiety spreads and gets worse. I know i end up with chest pain and tightness which is my anxiety but when im like that you feel the tightness is a heart attack.

I wish i was normal and just could wake up and say " Do you know what im ok and ive got no worries and i have no problems" well its not like that and ive not been like that since 2011. My head and body has had enough!

Sorry to go on i just need to let out some steam this morning.

Sarah

[majored]

Well last week i went back to the doctors as i was quite concerned about a pea size lump in my left breast.

Ive been told to compare them and to take note of how they felt and any differences. Its got to a point that iam too scared to check just in case i find something. Well when i check i do find something and it starts me off. So off i went to the doctors and say to her i really can not cope anymore, i have a lump in my left breast and my right rib cage is aching. It started to happen about every 6 weeks and now i average 2 weeks. Whatever it is its getting worse or spreading. The doctor said that shes examined my breasts a couple of times and can not find anything that would cause concern, the lumps are just breast tissue. She can feel the lump as well as feeling other lumps that i can not feel. She said i was just a lumpy person. I accept what she is saying and i might be ok for a while then the worry , questions and anxiety sets in. What if she has missed something?, what if shes wrong? At the end of the day nobody can see inside me they only have the symptoms to go on.

After explaining the panic im in. She has said that she would refer me to the breast clinic at the local hospital. Then while i was there to get an xray done on my chest. I sat there for a while, tears ran down my face and said i know the anxiety will get soooo bad while i wait for my appointment. I dont worse not knowing what i have or waiting to have the tests done and then the results. I know this way is the only way to ease my fear but i have to go to the hospital which will give me more fear. So i said to the doctor go ahead and book it.

Yesterday i woke and my right breast really hurt i couldnt touch it, its the same thing as i had a few months ago. I thought about going to the hospital but wasnt sure if its anxiety that was making the pain even worse. Moving my right arm too much also makes the pain worse. My back, ribs hurt as well it hurt to sit, lay or if i just sat there. What was i going to do? why does this keep happening? Today the pain is slightly less and the back doesnt hurt as much but my right breast is tender to touch.

Well that was last week and everyday ive been watching the drive waiting for the postman to hand the hospital letter to me. Its not that i want it but its just i need to know. Well i then had a thought........what if my letter has got lost and i have something very wrong with me i need to get the appointment sorted ASAP. I tried ringing the doctors just to make sure that the referral did happen but they were shut for dinner and i thought i will try again in 30 minutes.Just before ringing the surgery i had a phone call from the hospital to make my appointment for the breast clinic. I was holding the phone and shaking i just kept answering YES to everything. I wanted to ask questions but i found myself more in shock than anything. I put down the phone and i could feel my heart racing. After i started to panic and then started to say to myself this time next week i will know. So im now counting down the days, hours and minutes.

At this moment in time the pain is ok if i dont move my right arm to much. I tried to use the vacum earlier and that started it off. I know i would be feeling real bad if the pain was in the breast that had all the lumps in. on a scale of 1-10 at the moment its a 9 for not being able to cope. I feel i could chop my breasts off, i feel i need them removed i want the anxiety to go away. I know you cant just go round getting rid of parts of your body. I hate pain, aches, illness, tests, waiting. Its one thing after another i want to be normal.

I dont know if i can do this appointment, its a week away and i dont think i can go through it . I want to run away and hide. Nobody understands the way im feeling i can not describe my fears to anyone because they dont understand my worry. It wont be long before my head aches start again i can just tell. Im sitting here crying because i just cope and i dont know how im going to last until next week.


Many thanks for your time
Sarah

[Cobra]

http://www.algy.com/anxiety/files/barlow.html

Please read this. It may help. Anxiety produces a wide range of symptoms, but the bottom line is your problem is panic, not cancer or liver disease or gall bladder. Just panic. And if you can find some way to stop being afraid when the adrenaline hits your brain from all the worrying, all the rest will go away.

[majored]

[QUOTE=Cobra;114291]http://www.algy.com/anxiety/files/barlow.html

Please read this. It may help. Anxiety produces a wide range of symptoms, but the bottom line is your problem is panic, not cancer or liver disease or gall bladder. Just panic. And if you can find some way to stop being afraid when the adrenaline hits your brain from all the worrying, all the rest will go away.E]

Thank you, i just wish i could stop the panic. Its taking control over my life and i know when i read things like that what my problem is. Its just i cant stop it from happening. I try to be normal and say to myself its just this or that. I will be ok its nothing.....Then off i go again. Its worse when im in pain thats when i dont have any control and only somebody like a doctor can sort me out with information and trying to calm me down.

Sarah

[Cobra]

It takes time and a concerted effort. The adrenaline lingers in your system for awhile and has to break down. You have to start working on it one issue at a time. Take steps. First, the easier stuff. Stop googling symptoms. Stop doing body checks. Break those habits. Then start trying to do the harder stuff, like negative self talk. One step at a time

[M Kralik]

Thank you, i just wish i could stop the panic. Its taking control over my life and i know when i read things like that what my problem is. Its just i cant stop it from happening. I try to be normal and say to myself its just this or that. I will be ok its nothing.....Then off i go again. Its worse when im in pain thats when i dont have any control and only somebody like a doctor can sort me out with information and trying to calm me down.

Sarah[/QUOTE]

I can relate to this. I have had irritable bowel syndrome for many years now, its got worse the past year. But all of a sudden last month, I was absolutely convinced it was not IBS but colon cancer. It got so bad that I was thinking about it 24/7. And everywhere it seemed there was talk of cancer. I tried to read books and invariable a character in it would die of cancer ( its seems funny now but at that time I was shit scared). Then to top it all, a person I admired a lot passed away and it was because of colon cancer. That did it. I cannot even describe the fear that I lived with. I met with a gastroenterologist who asked me to do a colonscopy and it was revealed that it was normal. My fear switched off like as if a button was pushed.

My relief was short lived. Couple of days later, I was walking and experienced shortness of breath and severe weight on my chest. Part of IBS is gas and acidity. I knew in my rational mind, it was probably the gas. I have experienced these symptoms earlier too but this time I was convinced that it was a heart attack. I did a Cardiac stress test and that came out normal.

It became better for a few days. But day before yesterday, i had a bad IBS attack with severe acidity and gas and despite knowing that the pressure on my chest was gas - there were no other symptoms of heart attack and i was constantly burping - I was convinced i was going to die.

My doctor wants me to see a pyschiatrist. And I am going to do that. But I wish this would stop. The problem is that at times like this - no amount of logic works... no rational thoughts help. but I am taking some steps. googling for health disorders has stopped and joining a forum like this would help.

during the moments of panic, i am so much caught in despair and that i am going to die... i just want this to stop. somehow.

[Lin]

It is really easy to get caught up in the worry of having something serious wrong with you and always best to get your doctor to check anything specific out.
But after it has been ruled out you then have the very hard part of accepting that it is depression/anxiety and trying to handle that instead.
Worrying ruins our life and it is impossible to stop it without either attending a course on emotion management etc or buying some self help books and doing it for yourself. There is loads of classes/books out there to help.

[KitahD]

I understand. I was bit by a stray dog with no vaccine history...he was emaciated and obviously abused. I convinced myself I had rabies and would be dead in a week. I had "classic symptoms" of early disease...turns out it was anxiety causing all of my rabies symptoms. They were very real symptoms to me! The dog was submitted for testing and came back rabies negative. Anxiety is very powerful but we need tools to overcome it. It can be done...I'm still working on it. You're not alone.

[majored]

It takes time and a concerted effort. The adrenaline lingers in your system for awhile and has to break down. You have to start working on it one issue at a time. Take steps. First, the easier stuff. Stop googling symptoms. Stop doing body checks. Break those habits. Then start trying to do the harder stuff, like negative self talk. One step at a time


Ive not long finished 20 weeks of CBT. I had to do little tasks each week like not Googling, poking, checking. I managed to stop the google thing but i had to check myself if i got a pain i could not break that habbit. Ive got to the stage now that when i get changed i dont look at my stomach. When i dry myself after a bath i dont touch my stomach. This because i have a swelling on it under my right rib which appeared in 2011. If i look at it and it looks big or touch it and it hurts it sends me off on a panic so i avoid it at all costs. This lump was the start of all my problems its still there and nobody knows what it is. Its not that i dont worry about it because i do also it gives me pain but i have other health issues that worry me more.

Thanks for your time

[majored]

Thank you, i just wish i could stop the panic. Its taking control over my life and i know when i read things like that what my problem is. Its just i cant stop it from happening. I try to be normal and say to myself its just this or that. I will be ok its nothing.....Then off i go again. Its worse when im in pain thats when i dont have any control and only somebody like a doctor can sort me out with information and trying to calm me down.

Sarah








I can relate to this. I have had irritable bowel syndrome for many years now, its got worse the past year. But all of a sudden last month, I was absolutely convinced it was not IBS but colon cancer. It got so bad that I was thinking about it 24/7. And everywhere it seemed there was talk of cancer. I tried to read books and invariable a character in it would die of cancer ( its seems funny now but at that time I was shit scared). Then to top it all, a person I admired a lot passed away and it was because of colon cancer. That did it. I cannot even describe the fear that I lived with. I met with a gastroenterologist who asked me to do a colonscopy and it was revealed that it was normal. My fear switched off like as if a button was pushed.

My relief was short lived. Couple of days later, I was walking and experienced shortness of breath and severe weight on my chest. Part of IBS is gas and acidity. I knew in my rational mind, it was probably the gas. I have experienced these symptoms earlier too but this time I was convinced that it was a heart attack. I did a Cardiac stress test and that came out normal.

It became better for a few days. But day before yesterday, i had a bad IBS attack with severe acidity and gas and despite knowing that the pressure on my chest was gas - there were no other symptoms of heart attack and i was constantly burping - I was convinced i was going to die.

My doctor wants me to see a pyschiatrist. And I am going to do that. But I wish this would stop. The problem is that at times like this - no amount of logic works... no rational thoughts help. but I am taking some steps. googling for health disorders has stopped and joining a forum like this would help.

during the moments of panic, i am so much caught in despair and that i am going to die... i just want this to stop. somehow.[/QUOTE]




I found this forum very good for support and help. Knowing that other people have the same worries and concerns as i do. I know i can come on here at anytime of the day and find someone to talk to even if they are the other side of the world.

I can also relate to your story. I was told i had ibs caused by stress, this happened after i had the lump under my right rib. I thought it was my gallbladder,then liver, then bowel. Why do i have a lump its got be something bad for it to just turn up and be there. So after 5 doctors saw me and thought it was nothing i had really bad pain around that area as well when i ate. So i was given medication which made me feel very weird, well the doctor thought i was having a stroke and wanted to send me off for a test. I couldnt cope with that because i was trying to find out what was wrong with my stomach i didnt need to worry about my brain and bleeding etc.

Anyway after a scan and poo tests, blood tests. They said to me were know what it is if we give you an endoscope . I thought ok yes i will go for that , then all of a sudden i thought. They will find something bad and your be on medication and be in hospital having operations your children will be without a parent, you will die! I couldnt do it, i was shit scared to go. I could die while they are doing the endoscope i could bleed to death. Well i took a year of chatting to people and asking questions sometimes even to strangers. I became friends with an elderly lady "who said i have to have them once a month because of stomach issues its nothing" She said go and get it done just in case there is something. In Dec she died of Cancer related problems but didnt die of her Colon cancer, or the cancer in her spine. 1st of Jan i thought ive got to do this and went and had it done. I was crying like a baby and thought why do things like this keep happening to me. Its not like i make up the pain, the pain is there but i know i can make up the problems and issues that arise from the pain. Well it turned out i was ok, heart burn etc has gone.

My thought process is if i get rid of the problem i will get rid of the anxiety. To do that i know i need to have the tests. The tests in turn give me anxiety so i dont want the tests done. So i sit at home in a panic wondering whats wrong with me and why do i have a pain. I do try and remember what the doctors tell me like...... When you have something bad it will get worse ..... the pain doesnt go away its there all the time......im not loosing weight,( infact its more the other way).....anxiety will not kill me it just gives me fear and i have to face the fear.

I just feel as soon as im over one hurdle i have to face another one. Im sure others think im making it all up. Then you stress and it makes your body and the issues you have even worse so the whole thing just goes round in a circle.

How can you stop something that has control over you.

Sarah

[majored]

When something happens like that the symptoms are very real. If you feel you have a blood clot in your leg you will think one foot looks swollen, feeling tight, warm/hot, pain. Your leg will look different to the other one, your feel that the symptoms are spreading up your leg, Or a mole on your arm will look bigger, tingle, itch more, look a different colour. Your focus will be on the thing that your worrying about. Ive done this on many occasions and you will worry yourself sick.

Last night before i went to bed i took some medication to take the edge of the pain and to relax me. Then i laid there all night with my right hand under my back so i didnt lift it up in my sleep. I woke up about 3am thinking oh i do hope it feels better when i get up. Well i got up about 7.30 and ive not touched my chest to see if it hurts or should i say how much it hurts. Ive also tried not to do to much that would make my arm /breast ache. I dont feel as anxious as i did yesterday but i know this week will be a roller-coaster of feelings and emotions. In a few hours time i could be stressed out worrying about it. I know i will panic when i get the letter to confirm my appointment. Yet i know when my appointment is and what its for. Seeing the letter just makes things more real and its a reminder of what could be wrong we me!

Take care Sarah

[Cobra]

I'm not sure avoiding is a good tactic. You're still thinking about it, and reinforcing the fear of it. When you run from something, the brain believes your fear is justified.

[majored]

My letter came at dinner time to confirm my appointment next week. Ive just been to get my hair done i sat there in the chair with my chest hurting and a warm feeling going across my chest into my stomach. I could feel the anxiety starting up. I started to feel hot and began to fidget i needed to get out of the chair. Some thing is wrong with me if its not my breast its somewhere else and spreading and effecting all my body. I tried taking a deep breath here and there to calm me down. I thought about walking out of the hairdressers and just to keep walking, maybe walk to the hospital. What is wrong with me? Inside i feel so sad as well as mad at the same time. I can not cope i just can not cope any more. I managed to calm myself down but was worrying about it in the back of my head. I came straight home took some pain killers just to take edge of the pain. I tried talking to the OH just to let him know how i feel because i feel he would understand better if i could explain my thought process. He wasnt really interested as normal. I just feel on my own with all this.

Cobra, ive tried to shut things out so i dont worry about it thats why i avoid it. It just helps me cope with it. I just wish the anxiety was easier to deal with.

Sarah

[majored]

I have mixed emotions today one minute im calm then off i go thinking all sorts. The pain has been better every now and then it will twinge. Ive also managed to move my arm about a bit more. I did examine myself to see where it was tender and i felt another lump. Surely with all these lumps it cant be too serious and as i have them in both sides. My back has eased as well. Im trying to remain positive as i have 5 days to go.

Positive thoughts!