sweetpea_14513
09-14-2007, 07:28 PM
Hello all. I am new to this forum and my story is quite lengthy, but I am at the point where I need to share and see if there is anyone out there who has experienced anything similar to what I am.
I am 35 years old and 17 years ago after I had my first child I started to have these weird sensations in my head ( I cannot even remember exactly how they felt) but they scared me enough that I would start screaming and grabbing my head. If I do remember correctly, it felt as though my whole head was moving in the inside and pulled me to one side. I remember this happening in church while I was deep in concentration listening to the sermon. It came out of the blue and with no warning. My mom took me to the doctor and he said that I had an inner ear disorder and did not prescribe anything. The feelings went away and throughout the years from 1990-2004. The only times they would happen would be when I was deep in thought or staring at the TV or just daydreaming.
In 2004 while at work I had just eaten pizza, fried dough and a can of Coke and sometime after that I was sitting at my desk and out of nowhere I started feeling these crawly feeling in my left arm that made me panic and my heart starting pounding so fast I thought it was going to explode or I would have a heart attack. My throat started feeling like it was closing and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was rushed to the ER and told I had just had a panic attack. I would have 2 more at work within the next month. I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression and given Paxil. After taking it for several days I started having crazy side effects that made me feel like I was losing my mind. I was immediately seen by two different psychiatrists who both said I definitely have anxiety but do not have the depression and had me stop the Paxil immediately. I was given Vistaril to take as needed and within the first year I only needed to take about 3. I went to cognitive behavioral therapy too.
Once I developed the anxiety I noticed the funny head feelings had come back and would happen when I was in a stressful situation only. Once I got out of the stressful situation they would go away. I also started not to be able to go into stores anymore. During this time I head a different health scare (told I had diabetes, had a kidney stone but was misdiagnosed and given 3 different anti-biotics and vicodin all at once that made me deathly ill). I also started going back to college online and I noticed that while I was doing homework on the pc and my mind was overloaded that I would start having the head feelings and not be able to concentrate or even do my homework because they dizziness head jerks aggravated me so much. Needless to say, I had to stop. I also would get this feeling when we would be out in a crowded area with people I didn’t know.
In 2005 I was sitting at my desk again and was pregnant again and all of sudden while working at my pc I had the same wave of movement in my head that scared and/or jerked me so much that I felt like I was going to fall over and I grabbed my desk and slowly brought myself down to the floor for fear of falling over. I would have these feelings periodically while washing dishes or cooking over the stove. The difference in my life was a new baby. I had a new job title that I got at the end of 2004.
Jump ahead to December 2006 and I found out I am pregnant again (unplanned). I am nervous and wonder “what will everyone think at work?” My husband said who cares what they think we are married. And he is right. But because I am such a fearful person I started thinking what if I die with this pregnancy when I am having him. I constantly think like hat and though like that with each of my pregnancies. I worried non-stop with this pregnancy and the head feelings and dizziness and head jolts started increasing a lot right around my 6 month. They started to get worse (as was the stress at my job) to the point where I would have the head jolts and head swaying quite often but ONLY at work….sometimes still in the kitchen and also in the shower. Eventually, the got so bad that whenever I would get up from a sitting position I would get kind of lightheaded and feel like my head was being pulled downward. I started holding on to the wall as I walked down the hallways. I also started to feel like I was falling off the toilet when I was at work and have to hold on the walls to make sure I didn’t. This never happened at home. As soon as I would walk out of work I would feel better.
I was pulled out of work back in May due to pregnancy induced hypertension and while out my head sensations continued to increase. It got to the point where I started feeling like I was falling off the toilet at home. Every morning when getting out of bed I would have to sit for a couple minutes and then slowly get up and I would still have a dizzy, feel like my head is moving feeling.
I had my baby July 16 and immediately after I had him, something changed for the worse. The first time I had to get out of bed to use the restroom I started the “what if” thinking I was going to pass out or fall when I got up. I told the nurses this and when I got up I think it was all in my head, but by legs felt like they were going to give out or either I was too scared to stand up straight and stood up with my knees slightly bended “just in case I fell.” My life has been a living hell since that day with anxiety if this is what is wrong with me. Since that day of my son’s birth 2 months ago, I have been a pure mess. Every single day from that day I have lived in the worse fear I know. My symptoms become 10 worse and my head is doing this jerking, swaying, dizzy feeling ALL DAY LONG EVERY SINGLE DAY. My husband had to help me do everything for about 2 weeks. I was afraid to getup and use the bathroom by myself for a long time. It would take me about 15 minutes to get up the nerve to get up off the couch for fear of passing out or falling over.
I saw my regular doctor 4 days after giving birth and she was 99% sure it was BPPV (inner ear disorder). She prescribed meclizine which made me worse. She also wanted me to get a cat scan just to be sure and referred me to a neurologist just to be sure. I couldn’t do the CAT scan for pure fear of passing out because of feeling the blood rush to my head when I laid down flat. I was a nervous wreck. Of course my worst fear all these years is that I have a brain tumor/aneurysm. I did see the neurologist who did an exam on me and told me that I have nothing seriously wrong with me and I have what is called psychogenic dizziness and he prescribed Buspar. Of course I had to go online and read all the side effects and saw fainting as one and never filled the prescription.
I went to see and ENT and he said I do not have an inner ear disorder. I noticed that my vision has been bad since I had the baby too and seems to get worse when my anxiety is at its worse which is every single day. So I went to see my eye doctor and he said my eye sight has not changed in six years.
I started back to work this Monday and it has been pure torture, I can’t do anything at all. My head feelings and now blurry vision are unbearable and I cannot function. Before I was pulled out of work like I said I was getting these head feelings but if I picked up my laptop and went into a side office to work it would go away enough for me to work and go away completely once I left work. Now if I pick up and go into a side office it doesn’t go away completely, I still have a hard time working. When I leave the building I am better, but once I get home it starts all over again. I had a bad episode yesterday at work where I got up and felt like my head and face went numb. I panicked and called my husband to come get me and we went to the ER. I did the CAT scan, EKG and lots of blood work and was told everything looks good. I was given an Ativan that helped me tremendously but was sent home with a prescription again for Buspar. I took it last night and have taken it today and of course I don’t really notice any change because I am still feeling the head sensations.
Has anyone ever experienced anything like this before and is this really anxiety? I keep questioning it because the anxiety I am having is because of these awful head feelings that make me feel like I am going to pass out, fall over, and die.
I have an appointment with a psychiatrist Friday and I will see where I go from here. I am scared to go back to work I feel like no one understands how I feel. Everything makes me panic. I now have developed agoraphobia. I am afraid to be alone with my kids for fear of dying and no one to here to help them if I die. I am afraid to go anywhere by myself. My husband is the best husband in the world and has not left my side through this. I feel awful though because he has to see me suffer and do everything around the house and outside because I can’t function. I can’t even take care of my kids properly.
I am 35 years old and 17 years ago after I had my first child I started to have these weird sensations in my head ( I cannot even remember exactly how they felt) but they scared me enough that I would start screaming and grabbing my head. If I do remember correctly, it felt as though my whole head was moving in the inside and pulled me to one side. I remember this happening in church while I was deep in concentration listening to the sermon. It came out of the blue and with no warning. My mom took me to the doctor and he said that I had an inner ear disorder and did not prescribe anything. The feelings went away and throughout the years from 1990-2004. The only times they would happen would be when I was deep in thought or staring at the TV or just daydreaming.
In 2004 while at work I had just eaten pizza, fried dough and a can of Coke and sometime after that I was sitting at my desk and out of nowhere I started feeling these crawly feeling in my left arm that made me panic and my heart starting pounding so fast I thought it was going to explode or I would have a heart attack. My throat started feeling like it was closing and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was rushed to the ER and told I had just had a panic attack. I would have 2 more at work within the next month. I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression and given Paxil. After taking it for several days I started having crazy side effects that made me feel like I was losing my mind. I was immediately seen by two different psychiatrists who both said I definitely have anxiety but do not have the depression and had me stop the Paxil immediately. I was given Vistaril to take as needed and within the first year I only needed to take about 3. I went to cognitive behavioral therapy too.
Once I developed the anxiety I noticed the funny head feelings had come back and would happen when I was in a stressful situation only. Once I got out of the stressful situation they would go away. I also started not to be able to go into stores anymore. During this time I head a different health scare (told I had diabetes, had a kidney stone but was misdiagnosed and given 3 different anti-biotics and vicodin all at once that made me deathly ill). I also started going back to college online and I noticed that while I was doing homework on the pc and my mind was overloaded that I would start having the head feelings and not be able to concentrate or even do my homework because they dizziness head jerks aggravated me so much. Needless to say, I had to stop. I also would get this feeling when we would be out in a crowded area with people I didn’t know.
In 2005 I was sitting at my desk again and was pregnant again and all of sudden while working at my pc I had the same wave of movement in my head that scared and/or jerked me so much that I felt like I was going to fall over and I grabbed my desk and slowly brought myself down to the floor for fear of falling over. I would have these feelings periodically while washing dishes or cooking over the stove. The difference in my life was a new baby. I had a new job title that I got at the end of 2004.
Jump ahead to December 2006 and I found out I am pregnant again (unplanned). I am nervous and wonder “what will everyone think at work?” My husband said who cares what they think we are married. And he is right. But because I am such a fearful person I started thinking what if I die with this pregnancy when I am having him. I constantly think like hat and though like that with each of my pregnancies. I worried non-stop with this pregnancy and the head feelings and dizziness and head jolts started increasing a lot right around my 6 month. They started to get worse (as was the stress at my job) to the point where I would have the head jolts and head swaying quite often but ONLY at work….sometimes still in the kitchen and also in the shower. Eventually, the got so bad that whenever I would get up from a sitting position I would get kind of lightheaded and feel like my head was being pulled downward. I started holding on to the wall as I walked down the hallways. I also started to feel like I was falling off the toilet when I was at work and have to hold on the walls to make sure I didn’t. This never happened at home. As soon as I would walk out of work I would feel better.
I was pulled out of work back in May due to pregnancy induced hypertension and while out my head sensations continued to increase. It got to the point where I started feeling like I was falling off the toilet at home. Every morning when getting out of bed I would have to sit for a couple minutes and then slowly get up and I would still have a dizzy, feel like my head is moving feeling.
I had my baby July 16 and immediately after I had him, something changed for the worse. The first time I had to get out of bed to use the restroom I started the “what if” thinking I was going to pass out or fall when I got up. I told the nurses this and when I got up I think it was all in my head, but by legs felt like they were going to give out or either I was too scared to stand up straight and stood up with my knees slightly bended “just in case I fell.” My life has been a living hell since that day with anxiety if this is what is wrong with me. Since that day of my son’s birth 2 months ago, I have been a pure mess. Every single day from that day I have lived in the worse fear I know. My symptoms become 10 worse and my head is doing this jerking, swaying, dizzy feeling ALL DAY LONG EVERY SINGLE DAY. My husband had to help me do everything for about 2 weeks. I was afraid to getup and use the bathroom by myself for a long time. It would take me about 15 minutes to get up the nerve to get up off the couch for fear of passing out or falling over.
I saw my regular doctor 4 days after giving birth and she was 99% sure it was BPPV (inner ear disorder). She prescribed meclizine which made me worse. She also wanted me to get a cat scan just to be sure and referred me to a neurologist just to be sure. I couldn’t do the CAT scan for pure fear of passing out because of feeling the blood rush to my head when I laid down flat. I was a nervous wreck. Of course my worst fear all these years is that I have a brain tumor/aneurysm. I did see the neurologist who did an exam on me and told me that I have nothing seriously wrong with me and I have what is called psychogenic dizziness and he prescribed Buspar. Of course I had to go online and read all the side effects and saw fainting as one and never filled the prescription.
I went to see and ENT and he said I do not have an inner ear disorder. I noticed that my vision has been bad since I had the baby too and seems to get worse when my anxiety is at its worse which is every single day. So I went to see my eye doctor and he said my eye sight has not changed in six years.
I started back to work this Monday and it has been pure torture, I can’t do anything at all. My head feelings and now blurry vision are unbearable and I cannot function. Before I was pulled out of work like I said I was getting these head feelings but if I picked up my laptop and went into a side office to work it would go away enough for me to work and go away completely once I left work. Now if I pick up and go into a side office it doesn’t go away completely, I still have a hard time working. When I leave the building I am better, but once I get home it starts all over again. I had a bad episode yesterday at work where I got up and felt like my head and face went numb. I panicked and called my husband to come get me and we went to the ER. I did the CAT scan, EKG and lots of blood work and was told everything looks good. I was given an Ativan that helped me tremendously but was sent home with a prescription again for Buspar. I took it last night and have taken it today and of course I don’t really notice any change because I am still feeling the head sensations.
Has anyone ever experienced anything like this before and is this really anxiety? I keep questioning it because the anxiety I am having is because of these awful head feelings that make me feel like I am going to pass out, fall over, and die.
I have an appointment with a psychiatrist Friday and I will see where I go from here. I am scared to go back to work I feel like no one understands how I feel. Everything makes me panic. I now have developed agoraphobia. I am afraid to be alone with my kids for fear of dying and no one to here to help them if I die. I am afraid to go anywhere by myself. My husband is the best husband in the world and has not left my side through this. I feel awful though because he has to see me suffer and do everything around the house and outside because I can’t function. I can’t even take care of my kids properly.