MaggieMae
09-10-2007, 01:44 PM
I have no idea where to begin without writing a book. My husband of 5 years has been diagnosed with everything under the sun including pituitary tumor and being bipolar. He got a new psydoc and a new diagnosis that seems more in keeping with his demons.
I have never met anyone with less self-esteem, who seems to be afraid of everything and yet has an attitude that things are owed to him. To say this has caused problems in his life and our marriage is an understatement. He is aware of the problems, but believes that he is powerless to change. He is like an alcoholic who demands to know how he can possibly "just stop drinking?!"
He has a new therapist, the first therapist he's had in over a year. They are scarce here, expensive and don't usually take insurance. The last one was ok as a family therapist but hubby had her in over her head, one tried to convince him that he was fine and that I was the problem and then nothing for months and months...just me and I'm a rehab specialist but I'm not a therapist and I've been swimming at the deep end of the pool.
I think the bipolar meds he was on for the past year and a half have made him worse because he got to the point where I was screaming at him to get out. He can't leave...he has no job and no place to go, but I was so fed up with his being pitiful, not trying and being incredibly lazy that I was just going ballistic at the drop of a hat. Last month it came to a head when I found that he has been opening credit cards that I didn't know about and we are many thousands of dollars in debt. He hasn't worked in well over a year and a half and I can't possibly pay this, so we have to file bankruptcy. He's sorry, of course, but didn't want to "be the bad guy" and say we couldn't afford things. I don't mean big things but dinner at a diner, taking in another dog who needed medical care and so on. He wanted to be the Hero without actually having to do any of the work.
At the moment he can't talk because he got so anxious late last week that he spent all day Friday throwing up and burned the heck out of his throat. We'd had a good day even though the day before I found that there was a $500 bill I hadn't known about and couldn't include in the bankruptcy so I will have to pay it. We had a rebate check and he was supposed to go down and pay the money from the rebate check on the bill. He got anxious about our relationship and instead of paying the bill, drove his car across town even though something is wrong with it (engine light is on) and needed reassurance. When I found he hadn't paid the bill and that, once again the focus was on what he needed and wanted and never mind the bill (which arrived with a note saying it was seriously past due.)
At any rate, our lives are a mess. I do love him but I am so sick of him being so horribly needy and selfish. He's sick of him being so horribly needy and selfish, but doesn't know how to change. So...we drag through one miserable day after another. We have just enough fun to keep us from driving off a bridge, but I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. He's a big sweet lovable guy when he's not whining and being a self-centered 5 year-old. sigh
I don't know what's going to happen with the bankruptcy the fact that he isn't working or our finances. If we lose our house we have 5 dogs no one else would want because they are so handicapped and it would kill me to have to give up my babies. So I worry to the point where I'm going to end up with an anxiety disorder myself.
Yours in confusion,
MaggieMae
I have never met anyone with less self-esteem, who seems to be afraid of everything and yet has an attitude that things are owed to him. To say this has caused problems in his life and our marriage is an understatement. He is aware of the problems, but believes that he is powerless to change. He is like an alcoholic who demands to know how he can possibly "just stop drinking?!"
He has a new therapist, the first therapist he's had in over a year. They are scarce here, expensive and don't usually take insurance. The last one was ok as a family therapist but hubby had her in over her head, one tried to convince him that he was fine and that I was the problem and then nothing for months and months...just me and I'm a rehab specialist but I'm not a therapist and I've been swimming at the deep end of the pool.
I think the bipolar meds he was on for the past year and a half have made him worse because he got to the point where I was screaming at him to get out. He can't leave...he has no job and no place to go, but I was so fed up with his being pitiful, not trying and being incredibly lazy that I was just going ballistic at the drop of a hat. Last month it came to a head when I found that he has been opening credit cards that I didn't know about and we are many thousands of dollars in debt. He hasn't worked in well over a year and a half and I can't possibly pay this, so we have to file bankruptcy. He's sorry, of course, but didn't want to "be the bad guy" and say we couldn't afford things. I don't mean big things but dinner at a diner, taking in another dog who needed medical care and so on. He wanted to be the Hero without actually having to do any of the work.
At the moment he can't talk because he got so anxious late last week that he spent all day Friday throwing up and burned the heck out of his throat. We'd had a good day even though the day before I found that there was a $500 bill I hadn't known about and couldn't include in the bankruptcy so I will have to pay it. We had a rebate check and he was supposed to go down and pay the money from the rebate check on the bill. He got anxious about our relationship and instead of paying the bill, drove his car across town even though something is wrong with it (engine light is on) and needed reassurance. When I found he hadn't paid the bill and that, once again the focus was on what he needed and wanted and never mind the bill (which arrived with a note saying it was seriously past due.)
At any rate, our lives are a mess. I do love him but I am so sick of him being so horribly needy and selfish. He's sick of him being so horribly needy and selfish, but doesn't know how to change. So...we drag through one miserable day after another. We have just enough fun to keep us from driving off a bridge, but I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. He's a big sweet lovable guy when he's not whining and being a self-centered 5 year-old. sigh
I don't know what's going to happen with the bankruptcy the fact that he isn't working or our finances. If we lose our house we have 5 dogs no one else would want because they are so handicapped and it would kill me to have to give up my babies. So I worry to the point where I'm going to end up with an anxiety disorder myself.
Yours in confusion,
MaggieMae