Another day.... even more anxiety...

[HealingTime]

Right now I'm sitting in my office. Bouncing my legs. Bouncing them a lot. I'm sick to my stomach, the knot is huge. It's so early in the morning and I'm already this bad. I'm afraid to take Xanax because well, I don't want to waste them. I'm trying to get myself to focus on this project I'm working on to get the anxiety off my mind, but I can't. My husband is in the other room still barely speaking to me. I tried writing out my feelings but I can't even do that. I miss his love so damn much it's causing me to feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. Why can't he just forgive my last episode and see I'm getting help and he's only making it worse by keeping me at a distance. Oy, I'm not in good shape right now. I feel like I'm on this ledge teetering on the edge about to fall off.

[em1]

Hello,have you sat down with your husband and talked through how you are feeling?

[HealingTime]

Yes. We are at a point right now where he has just asked for space to think things through. He's tired of talking. So I'm supposed to just give him space. And he apparently can just give me the cold shoulder all the time.

[em1]

Yes. We are at a point right now where he has just asked for space to think things through. He's tired of talking. So I'm supposed to just give him space. And he apparently can just give me the cold shoulder all the time.

Well giving you the cold shoulder is not going to help anyone,it's hard enough to cope with anxiety etc when you have that on top of it,how long have you had anxiety?

[HealingTime]

Well it was just a week ago that I figured out WHAT it was I was having. Go figure. I can remember having my first attack in college. But mostly I've had them in the 11 years of marriage. I don't handle conflict well and when we have conflict I flip out in a big way. I freak out and can't think logically and when I eventually push him to far with my freaking out which he doesn't understand and thinks is on purpose, I end up alone in the bathroom crying and trying to hurt myself just enough to take the emotional pain away. Last week I figured out these are legit anxiety attacks and I feel so much better able to cope now. But with him being cold, yes it's just adding to the anxiety but I'm getting lots of coping practice. Started on Celexa Monday and have just been trying to survive.

My husband doesn't really believe me I think. I think he's heard to many times in our marriage that it's different I will fix it this time. This time it IS different cause I know what's happening to me. I know that others have this where they can't think can't function and can barely breathe. I am seeing a therapist now too to get coping skills. But my actions will speak for themselves over time.

[em1]

In what way are you hurting yourself ? In thoughts ?

[HealingTime]

I hit myself in the head mostly. I'm embarrassed to admit that. It's horrible but it's all I knew how to do to cope. I'm working on new coping mechanisms. Can't wait for next therapist appt.

[em1]

I hit myself in the head mostly. I'm embarrassed to admit that. It's horrible but it's all I knew how to do to cope. I'm working on new coping mechanisms. Can't wait for next therapist appt.

Your Clearly frustrated with how your feeling,and upset with the way your feeling etc,I know how it feels to have anxiety I've had it for 21 years now on and off

[HealingTime]

Thing is too, now that I get what happens to me and that it's not all that abnormal, I feel prepared to handle it. I feel prepared to tell my husband I'm feeling this way and need some space to calm down. But if he won't speak to me or touch me or kill me we'll never get to the point I can show him my newest coping skills. THAT is frustrating. Being in limbo.

[em1]

Thing is too, now that I get what happens to me and that it's not all that abnormal, I feel prepared to handle it. I feel prepared to tell my husband I'm feeling this way and need some space to calm down. But if he won't speak to me or touch me or kill me we'll never get to the point I can show him my newest coping skills. THAT is frustrating. Being in limbo.

Is your anxiety fear of dieing etc like thinking your ill all the time ?

[HealingTime]

It's fear of abandonment and being alone. Since day one when we would have bad fights, he would say he was leaving me.

[HealingTime]

He just left the house for what seems like a while for a motorcycle ride. We usually do these rides together but I wasn't invited. He came in and said goodbye and said he just wanted some space. This is 10 minutes after he was just flirting a bit over text messages in the other room. WTF. I'm starting to cry now.

[HealingTime]

I wish I could just beg and beg to get over it and give me a chance. I'm dying inside. Every day we waste I get more and more depressed.

[HealingTime]

Starting to hyperventilate. Please someone help me. He had an extra helmet with him. I ran out there and asked him what was up. He got defensive and told me it was for Dan he wanted to borrow it. I said who is Dan. Dan at work. Then he said take it I don't need it now and I said no and walked back in the house. He said "hey come here for a second" and as i did he said "never mind" and left. He's pissed at me. F*ck I want to die right now.

[em1]

It's fear of abandonment and being alone. Since day one when we would have bad fights, he would say he was leaving me.

Oh right I see now why you are like this as anyone would be the same

[mid]

First, take time to discover who you are for you. In a relationship, we often forget who we are. With anxiety, your fears feed on your feelings, so it is difficult to separate the two in managing a relationship. I'm in therapy for cognitive behavior therapy treatment and rather than talk to hubby, I chose the path of showing him, and myself, that I could make choices, rather than react to his words. You can not change his view, you can, however, change your view, change how you manage your view, and this will, in turn, change the situation, as the usual responses will no longer fit the situation.
The value of loving ourselves just as we are and treating ourselves as our best friend is one of the ways we learn to help healing our feelings to expose the fears and move forward. It is not always easy, and crying is a natural anxiety release that works without words. Relaxing from anxiety acute levels does not always bring the warm, fuzzy, comfortable feeling we desire, however, it does allow us to feel less overwhelmed.
It takes time, determination, and writing it out like you have here to help you see the patterns of thought, and use those patterns to help make different choices.
Best wishes.
Relax your breathing, wipe your face gently, and be kind to your feelings. They are not wrong, just full of extra areas at the moment. Find something that gives you a moment of calm, peace, and use that to help you get to a comfortable zone.

[HealingTime]

He apparently abandoned his ride and came back home. I'm freaking out. Cause now he's mad at me. I don't know whether I should go in there and apologize for the accusatory tone or just leave him be. I am incapable of getting to a comfortable zone. HE's leaving again. Someone help me. I can't cope with this. I'm dying. He just told me I'm acting like the past and I said so is he and it takes the both of us to move forward. God I want to die.

[em1]

He apparently abandoned his ride and came back home. I'm freaking out. Cause now he's mad at me. I don't know whether I should go in there and apologize for the accusatory tone or just leave him be. I am incapable of getting to a comfortable zone. HE's leaving again. Someone help me. I can't cope with this. I'm dying. He just told me I'm acting like the past and I said so is he and it takes the both of us to move forward. God I want to die.

Ok it's not your Fault he came back,if he's going back out again it's not fair on you as your Emotions know if your coming or going,you don't need to Apologise you have done nothing wrong you are just Fuelled with your anxiety at the moment

[HealingTime]

He just told me i'm acting just like before when i was paranoid he was having an affair. True at this point. But i told him he's acting just like before being an ass leaving for hours at a time, he agreed but justified it. I'm breathing very fast. My heart rate is up. I kept calm though and when he wanted to leave the room and end the conversation, I let him go. He's not being fair. He's hurt and mad and lashing out. But he can't see how it's affecting me nor does he care.

[em1]

He just told me i'm acting just like before when i was paranoid he was having an affair. True at this point. But i told him he's acting just like before being an ass leaving for hours at a time, he agreed but justified it. I'm breathing very fast. My heart rate is up. I kept calm though and when he wanted to leave the room and end the conversation, I let him go. He's not being fair. He's hurt and mad and lashing out. But he can't see how it's affecting me nor does he care.

He just needs to understand how your feeling right now and that it's hard for you at the moment,try and relax,let him
Have his time and you have yours,take time for you

[HealingTime]

Well I took a nap. It's my only working coping mechanism right now. He's been gone a few hours. He hates the heat yet he's gone on the motorcycle in the middle of the day. How does he not see that he's egging me on and purposely trying to cause doubt. I'm just totally at a loss. I give him space yet it's never enough. I'm awake now and the knot is growing again.

[HealingTime]

He spent $65 at the grocery store after he left. On his motorcycle. What on earth for. Oh someone help me. I just want him home and I just want hugs! My legs are going crazy bouncing.

[MrsJ88]

He spent $65 at the grocery store after he left. On his motorcycle. What on earth for. Oh someone help me. I just want him home and I just want hugs! My legs are going crazy bouncing.

I truly feel for you! I have terrible daily anxiety and even panic attacks and my husband is beyond supportive and he's who I run to when I'm having anxiety or panicking. I couldn't imagine not having my husbands support. I think he should attend therapy with you so the therapist can help him understand you.

[mistiblue]

Healing- I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. My husband is not very supportive of my anxiety either. It is hard for someone who has never experienced it to understand. They think we should just be able to shut it off or get over it.
You need to do what's best for you at this point. To me it doesn't sound like you need to be alone. Is there somewhere you can go? Anyone you can talk to? Does your therapist have emergency hours or take calls?
Your husband sounds like he just doesn't understand. Maybe you can write him a letter saying just how you feel and then get out for a while?

[HealingTime]

I probably shouldn't be alone. But I'm a mess and I won't leave. I slept some more. He left the house 7 hours ago. He's being an immature brat by doing this to me but he's hurting so he doesn't care. I just want him home. The morning started out fine then that extra motorcycle helmet thing happened at and I just reacted. I should have stayed rooted to the floor and asked him about it when I could be rational.

I wish he'd come home more receptive. I'm so scared and hurt.

[mistiblue]

Can you call him? He is being inconsiderate of your feelings. I hope everything works out for you, I know this is hard.

[HealingTime]

I did actually just try to call. No answer. He's been gone 9 hours now. I've slept most of it. It's the only way I can make it through. I haven't eaten or drank anything. I wish he'd come home. I didn't run out there screaming "you cheater"! I asked what's going on with the helmet. Yes I had a tone but come on!

[em1]

You may not want anything to eat I know it's really hard when you feel like this but maybe a bit of fruit or something small,try and drunk water as this is a must,I did not hardly drink or eat for two weeks but this did not help in any way and when I did start to eat small amounts And drink lots of water I started to build myself up again x

[HealingTime]

I think I just need to go back to sleep again. I can't stand being awake with him gone so long just basically being rude and selfish. I can't really blame him but I want to just be dead at this point rather than have these feelings I'm experiencing.

[em1]

I think I just need to go back to sleep again. I can't stand being awake with him gone so long just basically being rude and selfish. I can't really blame him but I want to just be dead at this point rather than have these feelings I'm experiencing.

Go and get a glass of ice water and get some
Rest ,sleep is the best way to re build and let your body heal from all the anxiety you are feeling,or maybe a nice bath with some
Relaxing lavender oil

[mistiblue]

Baths work wonders for me. They make me feel refreshed and clear my mind a little. Is there something you can do to get your mind off of it? I know exercise is probably the last thing on your mind, but it is proven to lower anxiety levels.

[HealingTime]

No bathtub. Too hot anyway. Sleep is about all I can do. I know exercise works but when I'm this down I can't do it. I tried earlier in the week. Barely lasted 5 minutes.

I texted him that I wish he'd come home. He texted back eventually why. I replied but no reply back. He has to know he's being an ass. But I think he just does t care right now.

I'm trying to stay calm and just sleep. I had a small bit of water.

[HealingTime]

Aaaaand just as I was feeling calm he just texted me back "do you think I'm an idiot" and whamo there goes the anxiety.... breathe... must breathe.....

[MrsJ88]

Aaaaand just as I was feeling calm he just texted me back "do you think I'm an idiot" and whamo there goes the anxiety.... breathe... must breathe.....

Why would he say that?

[mid]

First, take time to drink some water. Please do that. That will lower the acute physical symptoms of anxiety naturally and give you some rest for your muscles.
Second, take time to actually consider your feelings first. Rather than react to his usual responses, try something different for yourself.
My hubby is not always supportive in the way that is easy to accept, however, he is learning as I do different things to help myself first, to be careful what he says and does.
There are hidden issues you will discover that are underneath all this that is happening, and for your well-being, remember that you are brave, strong, full of value just as you are, and you're not alone.
You will not change what he does, however, you will change how you view it, and how you will respond for your well-being, keep track in a journal to help you with aiming your thoughts in a direction that helps you.
Best wishes.

[HealingTime]

I don't know really. He's very upset right now and lashing out in a childish way really. I just have to deal.

[HealingTime]

mid, you're right. I need to control myself for myself and work on myself. I truly believe when I accomplish that, he will follow. He came home and was mad at me, what a surprise. Asked that we talk. I remained very calm through the entire talk. I told him I understand he is hurt. I understand I have caused problems with our relationship. He said AGAIN if we divorced, he feels in 2 years time I'll be so happy we did. Not true. I know the ups in our marriage, I know this man is forever, otherwise I wouldn't have married him.

But all that aside, I dealt with it very well. I stayed calm. I cried a bit but only soft tears... not blubbering. I validated his feelings. I explained what I'm working on and what I recognize to be my fault. I worked very hard on speaking slow as to work on keeping calm.

He said I can't sit at home all the time. I literally only changed out of my jammies at 5pm so he wouldn't see me still in my jammies when he came home. I said I have no where to go. I didn't say this but all I truly want to do is sleep and be numb until his funk passes and he's ready to try again. But, for him to see me trying, I went out for a bit. I drove, got some DINNER ... didn't eat much but it was more than I've had all day.

I see this evening as a success. He came to me after our talk and hugged me and said he was truly sorry. He asked if I was gonna head out and I said yes. As I said goodbye, he hugged me again.

I feel a sense of accomplishment over this whole anxiety thing for today. I no longer think he is seeking a divorce behind my back. I'm not totally sure what he did for the 10 hours he was gone, but ultimately I don't think it was anything horrific. He's out again now but he told me he'd probably go out, get some food then go to a movie by himself. He says he has no desire to be at home right now.

He and my son have a trip planned next week just a boys trip. I'm glad. It'll give us some space from each other. But, I should leave the house tomorrow.

All in all, an ok day. I survived the majority with sleeping pills and sleep. Not the best regimen, but I don't see it as long term. Just something I needed to get me through the day in one piece.

[mistiblue]

mid, you're right. I need to control myself for myself and work on myself. I truly believe when I accomplish that, he will follow. He came home and was mad at me, what a surprise. Asked that we talk. I remained very calm through the entire talk. I told him I understand he is hurt. I understand I have caused problems with our relationship. He said AGAIN if we divorced, he feels in 2 years time I'll be so happy we did. Not true. I know the ups in our marriage, I know this man is forever, otherwise I wouldn't have married him.

But all that aside, I dealt with it very well. I stayed calm. I cried a bit but only soft tears... not blubbering. I validated his feelings. I explained what I'm working on and what I recognize to be my fault. I worked very hard on speaking slow as to work on keeping calm.

He said I can't sit at home all the time. I literally only changed out of my jammies at 5pm so he wouldn't see me still in my jammies when he came home. I said I have no where to go. I didn't say this but all I truly want to do is sleep and be numb until his funk passes and he's ready to try again. But, for him to see me trying, I went out for a bit. I drove, got some DINNER ... didn't eat much but it was more than I've had all day.

I see this evening as a success. He came to me after our talk and hugged me and said he was truly sorry. He asked if I was gonna head out and I said yes. As I said goodbye, he hugged me again.

I feel a sense of accomplishment over this whole anxiety thing for today. I no longer think he is seeking a divorce behind my back. I'm not totally sure what he did for the 10 hours he was gone, but ultimately I don't think it was anything horrific. He's out again now but he told me he'd probably go out, get some food then go to a movie by himself. He says he has no desire to be at home right now.

He and my son have a trip planned next week just a boys trip. I'm glad. It'll give us some space from each other. But, I should leave the house tomorrow.

All in all, an ok day. I survived the majority with sleeping pills and sleep. Not the best regimen, but I don't see it as long term. Just something I needed to get me through the day in one piece.

I am glad everything turned out for you tonight.
I think going out tomorrow will be a good idea. The fact that you are showing your husband some effort will change things I am sure.
Good job on keeping calm and controlling your emotions, that is the first step in your victory. You may have set backs, but don't let them keep you down....just keep getting up and walking towards that finish line.

[HealingTime]

Thank you mistiblue. He didn't come home til 2:30 am. He told me last night he doesn't blame me for being upset he's just taking off all the time. He admitted he would be if the roles were reversed. He admitted he's being really selfish right now, he just doesn't want to be at home. Didn't make it any easier though when he didn't come home til 2:30. But it is what it is and I just have to remain calm.

He pulled my motorcycle out for me so I'm trying to figure out if I can sneak in the bedroom to get dressed without disturbing him and go for a ride. Here's hoping for a good day.....

[mistiblue]

Praying you have a good day!

[HealingTime]

Thank you, so far it's ok. Had another calm talk with my husband this morning. I explained some more things that I learned about myself which helped him to understand why I have acted certain ways in our marriage. I told him some certain scarring childhood memories where these feelings stem from. I'm hoping he spends SOME time at home today. But I have to understand if he doesn't. It hurts so bad to hear him say he has no desire to be anywhere near our house or me. But despite that, I'm feeling positive, like I won't need a Xanax today. Maybe a 1/2 sleeping pill for a nap though if the day drags too much. Don't want to get depressed.

[ally]

How are you? I so understand all you've put, I'm having an horrible time too, it's been bad since last Xmas and I'm really really low and very worried about not recovering, my husband is at the end of his tether and my poor kids are suffering, 2 of them aren't his, one is 16, the other 12 and we have a 2 year old together, life is pretty rubbish, he's not working and can't with me like this, I have no dad, he died 16 years ago and my mum and my only sister don't speak to me, it's horrible, I suffer from health anxiety but now this break down has become a generalised anxiety and depression:( I truly wish this would go:( I dread every day x

[HealingTime]

ally, I'm sorry you are going through this. It's hard, it truly is. I just saw WHERE he got gas today and he's an hour away. what IS he doing with his time? It started my anxiety right back up again but I have to keep it under control. Are you seeing anyone? Therapist at all? Are you on any meds? My son is my husband's biological son and my adopted son so I understand some of the blended family dynamics too. I feel right now my husband is being so selfish spending all day Saturday and all day Sunday away from home. Yesterday my son was out with a friend all day so I slept most of the day. Today my son is home but seems to be locked in his room. I wonder what my husband told him. I'm so down and now anxiety is setting in It's 5pm, he's again been gone the majority of the day. :(

[MrsJ88]

ally, I'm sorry you are going through this. It's hard, it truly is. I just saw WHERE he got gas today and he's an hour away. what IS he doing with his time? It started my anxiety right back up again but I have to keep it under control. Are you seeing anyone? Therapist at all? Are you on any meds? My son is my husband's biological son and my adopted son so I understand some of the blended family dynamics too. I feel right now my husband is being so selfish spending all day Saturday and all day Sunday away from home. Yesterday my son was out with a friend all day so I slept most of the day. Today my son is home but seems to be locked in his room. I wonder what my husband told him. I'm so down and now anxiety is setting in It's 5pm, he's again been gone the majority of the day. :(

I understand he needs time away BUT in my opinion, he's spending way too much time away and using your issue as an excuse. I'm sorry for you :( he needs to man up and take care of his wife.... IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH are the vows. You sound like you simply need him to be there for you.... He needs to do that, he is your husband. Again, all just my opinion. Hope things get better for you.

[HealingTime]

I was just thinking the same thing. It's 9:30 and he's still not home. He's taking this way too far. But I gave him this weekend to do it. I didn't think he'd stay out this late given our talk this morning, but well. Yeah. He's taking advantage of me but what am I to do. I can't be mad, I have to be understanding. I took a pill so I could sleep so I've been asleep for the past few hours and now I'm off to bed. Must stay calm though....

[HealingTime]

I understand he needs time away BUT in my opinion, he's spending way too much time away and using your issue as an excuse. I'm sorry for you :( he needs to man up and take care of his wife.... IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH are the vows. You sound like you simply need him to be there for you.... He needs to do that, he is your husband. Again, all just my opinion. Hope things get better for you.

He's very much in selfish mode. I understand my attacks have him freaked out. But now that we both know what they are and not just me being a controlling b**ch why can't he understand and help. He says its not his job to fix me.

[MrsJ88]

He's very much in selfish mode. I understand my attacks have him freaked out. But now that we both know what they are and not just me being a controlling b**ch why can't he understand and help. He says its not his job to fix me.

It IS his job to SUPPORT and take care of you. Only you can fix YOU but he has to be there for you and quit running.

[HealingTime]

I think he will quit running after their mini vacation. He is being selfish and mad at me and not understanding. I get that. But I think he needed it. I will talk to my therapist about that too.

[MrsJ88]

I think he will quit running after their mini vacation. He is being selfish and mad at me and not understanding. I get that. But I think he needed it. I will talk to my therapist about that too.

Sounds like a good idea.

[em1]

Hello everyone :) yes support is key when your not doing so well,we all get bad days but there will be a day when they will come good again,you have 100% support in here from everyone and it's good to talk no matter what you feel,he does need to think of you and you need to think of you

[HealingTime]

I think when he works all this new stuff through in his head, he will be there. I think he's skeptical and just trying to figure things out. I'm SO grateful for this group here. Before I've found boards and people don't reply and it's disheartening. You guys here seem to really care and really take us new people in I appreciate that so much! It helped me through this weekend like you wouldn't believe.

[MrsJ88]

I think when he works all this new stuff through in his head, he will be there. I think he's skeptical and just trying to figure things out. I'm SO grateful for this group here. Before I've found boards and people don't reply and it's disheartening. You guys here seem to really care and really take us new people in I appreciate that so much! It helped me through this weekend like you wouldn't believe.

Agreed. People always respond here and are there to help.

[HealingTime]

Thank goodness for that. It has helped me tremendously this past weekend. Everyone here is the bomb! I hope to be able to pay back wisdom some day....

[em1]

Thank goodness for that. It has helped me tremendously this past weekend. Everyone here is the bomb! I hope to be able to pay back wisdom some day....

Hey hun how are you today?

[HealingTime]

I'm ok. It was a long long weekend but I survived and even had calm talks with my husband the few hours he was actually home.

Today.... I'm ... anxious still. But my husband and son leave on a trip tomorrow and I'm hoping the time away does us tremendous good. He's really upset with me and it hurts so much that he doesn't understand but I can't blame him. It makes me sick to my stomach that he might not forgive me.

[em1]

I'm ok. It was a long long weekend but I survived and even had calm talks with my husband the few hours he was actually home.

Today.... I'm ... anxious still. But my husband and son leave on a trip tomorrow and I'm hoping the time away does us tremendous good. He's really upset with me and it hurts so much that he doesn't understand but I can't blame him. It makes me sick to my stomach that he might not forgive me.

You have done nothing wrong for him to forgive you for,what for having anxiety?
Yes time apart may do you good and for you to have time for you

[HealingTime]

I have had these anxiety issues for our entire marriage and just NOW (it's been over 11 years) figured out what was going on. It almost feels like the last one was the straw that broke the camels back, you know? I have told small white lies to keep myself from looking bad cause I hate people to think bad about me. So he feels he can't trust me. I have locked him in the bedroom with my body forcing him to hear me beg and plead forgiveness blowing things out of proportion tenfold. I have followed him around the house doing the same thing. I'm weak....

[em1]

I have had these anxiety issues for our entire marriage and just NOW (it's been over 11 years) figured out what was going on. It almost feels like the last one was the straw that broke the camels back, you know? I have told small white lies to keep myself from looking bad cause I hate people to think bad about me. So he feels he can't trust me. I have locked him in the bedroom with my body forcing him to hear me beg and plead forgiveness blowing things out of proportion tenfold. I have followed him around the house doing the same thing. I'm weak....

Your no way weak at all,he's not being fair at all on you,it's not all you stop blaming yourself for it all,it takes two to make a marriage work you can't do it alone,no one will think bad of you at all

[HealingTime]

He can't stand to be around me. He can't stand to even hang out at home. He spent 16 hours away Saturday and 12 hours away Sunday. It is my fault, I drove us to this by having anxiety and not learning about it sooner and learning to control it.

[em1]

He can't stand to be around me. He can't stand to even hang out at home. He spent 16 hours away Saturday and 12 hours away Sunday. It is my fault, I drove us to this by having anxiety and not learning about it sooner and learning to control it.

Dealing with anxiety is not as easy as that,your going to make yourself feel worse not better if you keep on thinking your to blame,you are
Trying now and now is what matters,no one that suffers from anxiety can help the way they feel and if we all could take it away Tomorow we would,take each day as it comes

[HealingTime]

Easier said than done not to blame myself. I do blame myself. So does he.

[MrsJ88]

Easier said than done not to blame myself. I do blame myself. So does he.

You can't help that you have anxiety... It is a medical issue.

[HealingTime]

He's not going to come home until late again. This is killing me. My stomach is all twisted up and I just feel restless like I want to pace around and let the thoughts consume me. He's being a rude jerk but I just have to give him one more night. I have to survive this.

[HealingTime]

I'm also starting to have these thoughts that he's involved our son somehow. My son has been in his room and barely talking to me.

[MrsJ88]

I'm also starting to have these thoughts that he's involved our son somehow. My son has been in his room and barely talking to me.

How old is your son? He shouldn't bring your son into any of this.... And he shouldn't be leaving you and your son so much.

[mistiblue]

I understand that you love your husband and rejection never feels good, but you have to draw the line somewhere. You do make a lot of excuses for the way your husband acts. We are all accountable for our own actions. I hope this doesn't sound rude, I just see that your hurting and waiting on your husband "to come around" before you'll allow yourself some help. What if he doesn't come around? I pray he does, but in the meantime you have to look out for you and your son. Your son needs his mom...kids grow up way to fast, every second matters. It just seems that your hubby is dragging his feet and he really needs to grow up a little. I hope you'll use this time that he is away to really examine yourself and realize you deserve to be happy, we all do!

[ally]

I'm so sorry your going through this I really do no what your going through, my husband is being horrendous towards me, he's just had an outburst at me now, shouting telling me to get my head sorted out! He's had enough of it and just can't stand looking at me, how horrible is that? I'm so lonely with these symptoms and they are consuming me and I just don't know how to relax and how to stop them, I'm so agitated, it's impossible:(

[HealingTime]

ally, that is the same thing my husband is said that he's tired of it and can't stand looking at me. I'm sorry you're going through it too, it hurts. Know that it's not impossible though. You can do this and I can do this. We just have to focus on what needs to be done. In order for my husband to find his way back I have to give him the space he requires. Have you talked with your husband about what he needs and have you been working toward healing?

MrsJ88, my son is 17. I'm not positive he was bringing my son into it just a feeling. But my son is old enough to know stuff is going on.

mistiblue, yes I know I'm being a doormat. I know he's taking advantage of the situation. I do plan on taking this time away to enjoy my visit with my parents and just relax. After today I have the rest of the week off and I'm looking forward to it!

My husband came home at 9:30 last night. He seems to be working his way back. I do know him well enough to know when he needs space and he can find his way back. I know it's rude and mean on his part but it is what it is. But I honestly can't blame him for being fed up, it's been a long 12 years. But I'm working toward healing. I have my 2nd therapy appointment today and I'm determined to not whine about how hard the weekend was but rather work toward coping skills and communication skills.

This past weekend was rough. Very rough. The boys leave today, I'm looking forward to giving them both space from my depressed mood as of late. And I'm looking forward to the space to come out of my mood. You all made this weekend easier though!