Watching myself in a movie?

[dannycellis]

I've been dealing with depression/anxiety since I was in my early teens. Lately my panic attacks have been more frequent, and severe than I ever remember them being. Before they happen (or randomly on the train, behind the bar at work) all of a sudden everything seems fake. I really don't know how to describe it other than I feel like I'm watching myself in a movie. Everything seems kind of two dimensional. I'm a bartender, so when I have these feelings or panic attacks, I really have to fight it and put on a show like nothings wrong.

The other thing, I don't know if I sound incredibly vain or what, but I spend way too much time looking in the mirror. I don't know why because it seriously bums me out. I used to just avoid looking in mirrors, or being in photos, because it really just makes me sad for days. Now, I can easily spend an hour using multiple mirrors to get different angles, just kind of hoping I'm looking at myself wrong, and that I'm not in fact completely hideous. The feeling of disgust and disappointment is overwhelming. I'm a 26 year old guy. I really shouldn't care this much. I'll even leave the bathroom, get uneasy and go right back.

That makes me even more depressed, and anxious. I called out of work recently because I didn't want anybody to look at me.

Messed up right? Does anybody have any advice on any of this? Sorry, I've never forum-ed before. If that's not a word, again, sorry.

[Dcoito]

Welcome!

Along with anxiety can come derealization, very common, I myself suffered from it! A real uneasy feeling. You feel outside of your body. And it is perfectly ok! Scary! But ok! Singles from the brain is sent out to perfect you from harm. Adrenaline. It's a natural coping mechanism in our brain, the difference is there is no real danger that we need perfection from, and that's when we start asking ourself what the hell is going on! Just know you are ok! Are you on any medication! Have you seen a doctor about your self image problem?

[dannycellis]

No, I haven't been on any medication for a few years. I guess I'm trying the natural route now? (My friend is a very well meaning hippie!) Vitamins, exercise, whole foods whathaveyou. Just giving it a chance.

Also, I've never mentioned the image problem to anybody before. I think it's far too embarrassing and hard to explain...

[Dcoito]

I think you explained it very well! I would perhaps seek therapy! It's a good way to learn coping skills. Maybe CBT? And there is nothing you could say that they haven't heard before. Learning how anxiety works is your best defense!

[JennJenn]

I too kept saying it was an out of body experience. I kept telling my husband it was like I was not me like I was watching my self on tv. Trust me this is all part of anxiety but I recommend seeking a therapist because it helped me a lot. I would look in the mirror and see me but it didn't feel like me! Ugh! Does not feel good!

[dannycellis]

Well that's good that I'm not going completely crazy. It's really unsettling. It's like during these periods I feel completely coherent. Just kind of "What's going on?!" I guess if I was really going crazy, I wouldn't be able to recognize it and would probably just be chewing on my backpack without blinking.