Hi. i m new and...heres some history i guess...rOCD or.....just crazy?

[sweetiekid]

Ugh i dunno, i just wanted to put this out there to people who go through similar things...this may be a little scattered...or a lot...bear with me....

…..i love him. I do. I think. I know I have anxieties and maybe this is the wrong choice but it’s the choice that ive made. I want to stay grounded…I want to have a grip. I want to be with him because he brings me such....calmness when i can recieve it. I want to feel his chest underneath me. Itd feel wrong being anyone else, or weird. I don’t know, what if this blows up in my face? What if this was the wrong choice all along? What if Ive just been lying to myself? If I was lying to myself I wouldn’t be going through so much pain and anguish thinking about breaking up with him, its more then just guilt. I can deal with guilt, I want to be with him. I want to. I want to. He makes me feel at home, that I ll always have someone to fall back on. I don’t know whats going to happen in the future and I ll try not to worry about it because it freaks me out, I don’t know where my anxieties came from…I don’t know how I developed rOCD or whatever. I just….analyze my relationship with him so much and its heavy on the both of us….the call to just go to someone is only tempting because I want these anxieties to stop….and I m afraid that theyre right…because everyone goes on about how when you re in a relationship you ll be so sure when you love them. I wasn’t, and I m not. But I enjoy being with him, I love kissing him…except when I super analyze that. But otherwise I love being with him. Its just I m not sure if I love him or not, I don’t get that flourish of feelings, and sometimes we get a little boring and just do nothing. Sometimes I overthink this and start wondering if the love is dead because of this, god I m only fucking 16 turning 17 and I ve been with this guy for 8 and a half months and I know that dosnt seem like a long time but it has been for me. But I don’t know what to do with this, I feel like I have rOCD….and he understands that I have a big issue with this. Sometimes I end up in tears because my mind convinces me ive been lying to myself this entire time and that I don’t really love him. That if I don’t feel like “ this” then I CANT. Many times hes had to comfort me into reality…..and I thank the Universe that I have someone like him. But I feel guilty…like I m keeping him from someone who could love him much more then I do. The stories of rOCD sufferers sound so much like me I was so relieved, I felt ok. But even though I understand it, and can talk myself into logic…I have to SMASH it into my brain so I can get a couple hours release. Maybe a day or two then…I have a spike and it’s the same cycle. The same stuff. Its hard because……my brain tells me “ if this keeps coming up, then it must be true” and I freak out all over again. If I tell any other people…they’ll just think I DON’T love him and tell me to break up with him. Its hard to find people who understand. I have a few who do….but I just….needed to put this out into the world because its such a burden

[brittany32888]

Ugh i dunno, i just wanted to put this out there to people who go through similar things...this may be a little scattered...or a lot...bear with me....

…..i love him. I do. I think. I know I have anxieties and maybe this is the wrong choice but it’s the choice that ive made. I want to stay grounded…I want to have a grip. I want to be with him because he brings me such....calmness when i can recieve it. I want to feel his chest underneath me. Itd feel wrong being anyone else, or weird. I don’t know, what if this blows up in my face? What if this was the wrong choice all along? What if Ive just been lying to myself? If I was lying to myself I wouldn’t be going through so much pain and anguish thinking about breaking up with him, its more then just guilt. I can deal with guilt, I want to be with him. I want to. I want to. He makes me feel at home, that I ll always have someone to fall back on. I don’t know whats going to happen in the future and I ll try not to worry about it because it freaks me out, I don’t know where my anxieties came from…I don’t know how I developed rOCD or whatever. I just….analyze my relationship with him so much and its heavy on the both of us….the call to just go to someone is only tempting because I want these anxieties to stop….and I m afraid that theyre right…because everyone goes on about how when you re in a relationship you ll be so sure when you love them. I wasn’t, and I m not. But I enjoy being with him, I love kissing him…except when I super analyze that. But otherwise I love being with him. Its just I m not sure if I love him or not, I don’t get that flourish of feelings, and sometimes we get a little boring and just do nothing. Sometimes I overthink this and start wondering if the love is dead because of this, god I m only fucking 16 turning 17 and I ve been with this guy for 8 and a half months and I know that dosnt seem like a long time but it has been for me. But I don’t know what to do with this, I feel like I have rOCD….and he understands that I have a big issue with this. Sometimes I end up in tears because my mind convinces me ive been lying to myself this entire time and that I don’t really love him. That if I don’t feel like “ this” then I CANT. Many times hes had to comfort me into reality…..and I thank the Universe that I have someone like him. But I feel guilty…like I m keeping him from someone who could love him much more then I do. The stories of rOCD sufferers sound so much like me I was so relieved, I felt ok. But even though I understand it, and can talk myself into logic…I have to SMASH it into my brain so I can get a couple hours release. Maybe a day or two then…I have a spike and it’s the same cycle. The same stuff. Its hard because……my brain tells me “ if this keeps coming up, then it must be true” and I freak out all over again. If I tell any other people…they’ll just think I DON’T love him and tell me to break up with him. Its hard to find people who understand. I have a few who do….but I just….needed to put this out into the world because its such a burden

First of all, you are not crazy.. Everyone here has felt this way about someone or something. I specifically know exactly how you feel. I have been in a relationship for over 5 years and still question it. Which I've actually never even said aloud before. Every now and again, if things don't feel quite right, if I feel unsatisfied with a conversation or like you said feel "bored". I wonder, is this how it's going to be forever? Am I going to have to learn to live without being happy all of the time? But then again, is it reasonable to always expect to feel happy? The butterflies eventually leave, and you find yourself not talking as much, but it doesn't have to end there. And it doesn't mean you don't love him. I think you do, and i think so because you care, you think about it and try to figure it out. People may say that if you love someone you know for certain, but I think that if you DON'T love someone, you know. Because it just isn't there. I can't tell you how many relationships I've been in because I wanted to care about someone, but just didn't. I couldn't make myself. But you didn't have to make yourself. If you didn't love him, letting go would be easier than holding on. Just relax, discover new ways to enjoy each other, ask questions you've never asked, go places you've never gone. Excitement is still there, you just have to find it.

[kelliesean]

First of all, you are not crazy.. Everyone here has felt this way about someone or something. I specifically know exactly how you feel. I have been in a relationship for over 5 years and still question it. Which I've actually never even said aloud before. Every now and again, if things don't feel quite right, if I feel unsatisfied with a conversation or like you said feel "bored". I wonder, is this how it's going to be forever? Am I going to have to learn to live without being happy all of the time? But then again, is it reasonable to always expect to feel happy? The butterflies eventually leave, and you find yourself not talking as much, but it doesn't have to end there. And it doesn't mean you don't love him. I think you do, and i think so because you care, you think about it and try to figure it out. People may say that if you love someone you know for certain, but I think that if you DON'T love someone, you know. Because it just isn't there. I can't tell you how many relationships I've been in because I wanted to care about someone, but just didn't. I couldn't make myself. But you didn't have to make yourself. If you didn't love him, letting go would be easier than holding on. Just relax, discover new ways to enjoy each other, ask questions you've never asked, go places you've never gone. Excitement is still there, you just have to find it.

Yeah. I agree with this..

.. But also.. Maybe you can just step back from this guy an figure everything out for yourself on your own for a little bit.. Maybe your just not ready to be that committed to any one person at 17 yrs old..

But if you are obsessing about it.. Then maybe you are having something called "relationship OCD".. Hmm..

Either way there Is help and solutions :-)