Fear of my own thoughts - existential crisis

[Lanna555]

Please someone help me, sorry for my bad English.

Last 2 days I was thinking too much about universe,stars,about why we are here,and how we are so small compared to big and infinite universe etc ,about God and how it looks like? It's so terryfing that I can not explain. Some people say that those who suffer from existential crisis should simply stop think about it,and focus on something else. I agree, but I can not control it, in my mind there is question "how God looks like","What is in universe" then I'm trying to imgaine "infinite" and I freak out!

Those question happened after I googled to much about God and religion, I was tired,but before I went to bed and those question started to pop up in my mind,and I was so terrified,so I quickly got up ,I sat for computer and googled for some help,been up all night ,I was afraid to go to sleep ,because of these thoughts.

and of course I can not image it, but the problem is as someone force me to think about that question again and again,and it's so scary,because I'm trying to imagine how God looks or universe but then I freak out, that I think I'm going crazy. I feel anxious,warm waves trough my body,especially head,and terrible fear. I want to stop trying to imagine,but I can't control it. What to do? Will this pass or it will haunt me forever? Am I the only one surviving this terror ? Is it sign of serious mental illnes or what?

I'm 27 year old. Please I want help from people who have similar experiences. Thank you so much.

[Saldav]

Lanna trust me your not alone, I have thos thoughts and symptoms too. It's all anxiety and depression. It make your brain think of irational thoughts. Your brain is thinking of a million things at once but some how with this disorder we concentrate to much on the bad thoughts. I know its overwhelming, especially the feeling of "why" why are we here, why do we exist, why me! What's the purpose of life, does god really exist, and is so why am I suffering. Its the bullshit of this disorder that makes you feel and think this way. I often tell myself that we are the chosen ones, we are ready for war. Remember this quote if you believe in the man upstairs.

GOD GIVES HIS HARDEST BATTLES TO HIS STRONGEST SOLDIERS.

[Lanna555]

Thank you so much Saldav! I feel much better after your words. Wish you much strenght to overcome this. It's always nice to have some support even when it comes from totally foreingers.