Problems with Intimacy?

[anxiousashley]

Does anyone else struggle to maintain intimacy in romantic relationships? I have read that fear of intimacy is a form of anxiety disorder and I do suffer from anxiety. I am not sure if that's what's going on with me or not. I am recently seeing a really wonderful man but I am constantly anxious when anything intimate comes up be it sexual or emotional and my first instinct is to pull away. Anyone else have this? Is there a way to overcome this? I don't want to lose him but I fear this issue will make that happen.

[str8trippin]

I think this has been progressive and cumulative for me since my last serious relationship, which was with my now ex-husband. Since we separated (2009), and then since we got divorced, I've struggled more and more with relationships in general, not even just the intimacy, and I've gotten to a point where I just don't even bother anymore because the whole world of relationships is way more intimidating to me than being single! Are you comfortable enough with the person you are seeing to talk to him about your fears?

[CathHelena]

I do :( ive got problems with connection to guys, but when i finally find one, they are a keeper :)

but the process is long.

[anxiousashley]

I think this has been progressive and cumulative for me since my last serious relationship, which was with my now ex-husband. Since we separated (2009), and then since we got divorced, I've struggled more and more with relationships in general, not even just the intimacy, and I've gotten to a point where I just don't even bother anymore because the whole world of relationships is way more intimidating to me than being single! Are you comfortable enough with the person you are seeing to talk to him about your fears?

I totally understand how you don't bother with relationships anymore! I feel more often than not that that is the way I want to go as well. My person is very understanding. We have talked about it a lot. I honestly have a breakdown and consider ending the relationship nearly once a week because this anxiety is so bad. Sometimes I get scared that it's not the fear of intimacy but that I just don't want to be with him. But that's odd since I always crushed on him before we got together and I thought he was so cute and so funny and he's been everything I've thought I've always wanted in my life. I admit I am really struggling with the anxiety this is creating. It makes me want to give up, but I know he's a great guy so I also don't want to do it. I have not had a true relationship probably ever and I am 29 years old. I have been completely alone for more than a year. I am not even sure what a real relationship is supposed to be like. I have been hurt a lot in my past and have a lot of problems with trust and opening myself up and I just don't know how to overcome it. My therapist hasn't been very helpful in that regard either.

[anxiousashley]

I do :( ive got problems with connection to guys, but when i finally find one, they are a keeper :)

but the process is long.

It has been a long process! He's been so loving and patient with me and I hope that continues! I feel like I still have such a long way to go!

[Ritch]

Totally understand this and I am the same. Think I like someone, get close........ then not interested

[Hannah_28]

Totally understand I've had this fear for years and have all but given up on a relationship happening for me can't even begin to describe how I feel about intimacy so I know how u feel :)

[str8trippin]

I totally understand how you don't bother with relationships anymore! I feel more often than not that that is the way I want to go as well. My person is very understanding. We have talked about it a lot. I honestly have a breakdown and consider ending the relationship nearly once a week because this anxiety is so bad. Sometimes I get scared that it's not the fear of intimacy but that I just don't want to be with him. But that's odd since I always crushed on him before we got together and I thought he was so cute and so funny and he's been everything I've thought I've always wanted in my life. I admit I am really struggling with the anxiety this is creating. It makes me want to give up, but I know he's a great guy so I also don't want to do it. I have not had a true relationship probably ever and I am 29 years old. I have been completely alone for more than a year. I am not even sure what a real relationship is supposed to be like. I have been hurt a lot in my past and have a lot of problems with trust and opening myself up and I just don't know how to overcome it. My therapist hasn't been very helpful in that regard either.

I COMPLETELY relate to what you said about not even knowing what a real relationship is supposed to be like. I have no idea. If I ever knew, I've forgotten. I don't know how to act in dating type situations anymore and they totally freak me out. I know I also have trust issues with men, but even when I try and go out of my comfort zone, I feel like it only ever proves the fears I have about the entire situation and ends up making me less likely to try it again! All in all I've gotten to a place where I just feel like I'm clueless and the whole idea of a relationship confuses me more than anything else!

[JCX]

ME TOO! I cant get hard even though I want to. Im too anxious I wont be big enough, even though I knkw I freaking am! Try telling that to my mind though lol -___-

[anxiousashley]

I feel a lot of relief knowing I am not the only one who struggles with this! But does anyone know what we are supposed to do about it? I feel so lost.

[JCX]

Usually after I get close to the girl and know her better it changes. One night stands are a no-no for me lol

[anxiousashley]

Totally understand this and I am the same. Think I like someone, get close........ then not interested

Ritch. This is exactly what I feel is going on. Have you found a way to work through this at all? I am really struggling with it today. I just feel like I am in panic mode.

[str8trippin]

I feel a lot of relief knowing I am not the only one who struggles with this! But does anyone know what we are supposed to do about it? I feel so lost.

I think you seem to be in a great position to just keep on pushing through it. Think about the situation logically...you have someone who is very understanding and supportive of you, and who you feel like you can be open with about what you are feeling. Take advantage of that because I don't think everyone has it! Work through it together and don't be afraid to say what isn't working for you and then move forward in finding resolutions. And ultimately, if it isn't what you want, then it isn't what you want, and just be willing to accept that and let it go without being too hard on yourself.

[anxiousashley]

I think you seem to be in a great position to just keep on pushing through it. Think about the situation logically...you have someone who is very understanding and supportive of you, and who you feel like you can be open with about what you are feeling. Take advantage of that because I don't think everyone has it! Work through it together and don't be afraid to say what isn't working for you and then move forward in finding resolutions. And ultimately, if it isn't what you want, then it isn't what you want, and just be willing to accept that and let it go without being too hard on yourself.

Thanks for the encouragement! I really needed it today. I am trying to push through and some days are better than others. I guess my biggest fear is that I will end up realizing this isn't what I want. Right now I don't know because the anxiety makes it hard for me to feel anything at all. I just really worry I will hurt this guy who has been nothing but amazing to me.