Absolute, total depression

[Kayvon21]

Hey,

I met a girl last summer who i have been at school with for 4 years but never had spoken to. We hooked up and had 2 solid months of being really into each other, then broke up and had 8 months where we were very much "together", meaning that we were exclusive, would hook up, speak for 5 hours a night etc. Whilst we had fights, we had many more good time than bad times. Over the 8 months i had many opportunities to cheat, but i never did. On the one and only occasion she did have a chance to cheat, she did. Effectivly, this ruined her'sand mine relationship and she is now in love with the guy and lost her virginity to him. This absolutely kills me to this day despite this occuring several months ago.

After a few months of N/C (hard as we used to talk for 5 hours every single night for 10 months), i attempted to be friends but she has no intention of this. Whilst months later i still have severe anxiety and depression, thinking about her the entire time (she is like the background music of my life. i may act normal, but she is always at the back of my mind. always. always), she has restarted her life with this new guy and has made friends with alot of my friends. i hate seeing her so oblivious of how i feel and seemingly rubbing it in my face.

i have to see her at school laughing and flirting with people who are my friends which just kills me.

the depression came after the severe anxiety. i hate waking up, i wish god would not let me wake up. the anxiety, lonliness, emptiness and misery has become too much to bare. she is ruining my life, and the worst thing is, the person i thaught i knew so well now doesnt care for me whatsoever and it is driving me towards the edge.

i dont love her or like her anymore, but i cant stop thinking about her because ive never been so close to someone who has just left my life like this, and in this way.

how do i stop the anxiety when thinking or seeing her? how do i stop the misery, the lonliness, the emptiness?

any responses much appriciated

[ravenrainbow]

You don't need to go there. Try thinking about how you have changed for the good since. Try to stay positive. It helps. Just think positive thoughts. Day after day it gets better.

[worriedgirl]

I can relate to a lot of the feelings you're going through. It's hard to see the person you were once in love with and trusted be with someone else and on top if it act as though they don't care about your feelings.
Since the situation is still recent ( it hasn't even been a year ) the only thing you can do is wait it out. It would be good if you could somehow avoid seeing her and try to expand your horizons by meeting new people or making taking up a new interest. Immerse yourself in activities that don't involve her or ppl connected to her in any way. Try to think into the future, 5 years from now. Try to visualize something really good coming out if this such as meeting someone special or accomplishing something great. The more you focus on what will be ahead the less your focus on her. Hope this helps.
Took me 4 years to get over someone, now I think back and laugh at myself and wish I never wasted so much time thinking about it.

[mid]

As a older person, I will tell you this, and give you a chance to understand that you've gained a lot of life experience in exposing your feelings to writing them here. Yes, those footsteps are important, just because you keep moving forward!

The first love is the first footstep a child takes to reach their own love..., and when you love yourself, it's easier to see this same scene in the way it brings out who you are, and what you gained from sharing those footsteps, and also from walking forward. Friends who are friends with both of you who are not having to choose sides will be there in the future or may not be there. The one person who will walk with you is your shadow, so make friends with your self, and look for ways that you want to continue growing, learning.

Act, every time the thought comes through, put it in the box, and set aside a specific time and length to consider the thoughts in the box, then close the box up again. The more you move physically, engage your brain into activity, the easier it will be to move the thought itself forward to healing.

Best wishes.