Beckii
06-19-2013, 07:33 AM
Hello everyone,
I've finally decided to find the strength within me to tell my story.
When i was little my dad left me but kept in touch with my siblings he just didnt wanna know me. Then the odd time i went round there his girlfriend would hit me:/ I was also sexually abused until i was 12 years of age.
I struggled to trust anyone, i just couldnt.
Then i met this boy named Harry. We got together on my birthday and was together for 19 months, we was so madly in love, i felt i couldn finally trust and believed in love for the first time in my life. I felt he saved me from what caused my deep depression in the past. But then his dad threatened me 16months into our relationship at my grandad's memorial.
Harry changed that day and started to get aggresive to me. I couldn't talk to him anymore. I started to get anxiety attacks and panic because i was scared of loosing him and everytime he got aggressive and mean i froze and just couldn't breath. If i sat and tried to think of what i did wrong, what changed then id panic, id think everyday that tomorrow was the last day id have him. Always thinking about the future non existing.
everytime I tried speaking to him and everytime I did I sweat excessively just the thought of hin not listening and me trying to explain how im feeling id hace anxiety sweating of nervs
Then when i finally broke down, he told me I didnt have the right to cry..that hurt.
He broke up with me.
Then id be at work, i have to use public transportation and everytime i would go to the toilet before the end of work and have a panic attack every single time cause id be petrified of bumping into him. Then i did once, we started talking again and we got back together for a couple of months but he was worse, always lien, taking drugs, aggressive, pushed me around. We split up and this time my anxiety got 1000% worse.
I was at home and i couldnt breathe it was all just hurting far too much and i didn't know what to do i felt like my throat was clogging up like i was suffercating. So i ran to my mums room woke her and my stepdad up i was screaming 'MUM I CANT BREATH WAKE UP HELP ME' i was petrified. they wasn't listening, it got so bad i tried to jump out the window so my stepdad pinned me to the floor to stop me. And my mum sat me up and ran me through the breathing techniques and called me an ambulance cause i just wasn't calming down. Eventually i just passed out.
I've been reading help books since, on medication but it just doesn't stop. I've learnt how to deal with it. But i haven't learnt how to make it stop. I want it to stop. Please help
Bec
I've finally decided to find the strength within me to tell my story.
When i was little my dad left me but kept in touch with my siblings he just didnt wanna know me. Then the odd time i went round there his girlfriend would hit me:/ I was also sexually abused until i was 12 years of age.
I struggled to trust anyone, i just couldnt.
Then i met this boy named Harry. We got together on my birthday and was together for 19 months, we was so madly in love, i felt i couldn finally trust and believed in love for the first time in my life. I felt he saved me from what caused my deep depression in the past. But then his dad threatened me 16months into our relationship at my grandad's memorial.
Harry changed that day and started to get aggresive to me. I couldn't talk to him anymore. I started to get anxiety attacks and panic because i was scared of loosing him and everytime he got aggressive and mean i froze and just couldn't breath. If i sat and tried to think of what i did wrong, what changed then id panic, id think everyday that tomorrow was the last day id have him. Always thinking about the future non existing.
everytime I tried speaking to him and everytime I did I sweat excessively just the thought of hin not listening and me trying to explain how im feeling id hace anxiety sweating of nervs
Then when i finally broke down, he told me I didnt have the right to cry..that hurt.
He broke up with me.
Then id be at work, i have to use public transportation and everytime i would go to the toilet before the end of work and have a panic attack every single time cause id be petrified of bumping into him. Then i did once, we started talking again and we got back together for a couple of months but he was worse, always lien, taking drugs, aggressive, pushed me around. We split up and this time my anxiety got 1000% worse.
I was at home and i couldnt breathe it was all just hurting far too much and i didn't know what to do i felt like my throat was clogging up like i was suffercating. So i ran to my mums room woke her and my stepdad up i was screaming 'MUM I CANT BREATH WAKE UP HELP ME' i was petrified. they wasn't listening, it got so bad i tried to jump out the window so my stepdad pinned me to the floor to stop me. And my mum sat me up and ran me through the breathing techniques and called me an ambulance cause i just wasn't calming down. Eventually i just passed out.
I've been reading help books since, on medication but it just doesn't stop. I've learnt how to deal with it. But i haven't learnt how to make it stop. I want it to stop. Please help
Bec