Trying to get over social anxiety is HARD [Archive] - Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks

Christopher H.

06-21-2013, 07:35 AM

Hi donuts 123, I totally agree with you that overcoming social anxiety is hard. I still struggle with it and I am 22 years old! For me coping with anxiety made me believe it was impossible. About a year a go I was at a point where I was so depressed because I was so terrified to leave my house, afraid that people driving by would judge me. I just wanted to go for walks because I enjoy them so much but my anxiety made me trapped. I so badly wanted to just leave my house but the fear of judgements from others outweighed that. I was a little suicidal as a result. I just couldn't take it anymore so I decided to try and look up more of what was affecting me and I came across people talking about how they got medical help and how they can now live their lives much more anxiety free. So I was put on an anti-depressant, SSRI, and my life was completely flipped outside down. Perhaps making an appointment with your family doctor to see what type of support you can get might be a good thing. If this isn't a option then I suggest trying to get in contact with a group who also deal with anxiety or maybe counseling. I just want to let you know how being put on a medication really helped. Medication isn't for everyone, it can either be a miracle drug or the worst thing that you have ever taken, but I definitely think its worth a shot. Being put on the medication Prozac made me go from thinking I was the ugliest person in the world, some sort of socially awkward freak, to someone who was the center of attention all the time and having people I never dreamed of wanting to know me and not leaving me alone. I realized that I was putting my negative perceptions that I created of myself in my own mind and believing that others thought like me. Or that if a couple people thought I was a fag then they must be right and that everyone else thinks like them! I now know that is of course is not the truth at all. Perhaps you might be a little like me and perceive yourself in a negative fashion and believe others must also perceive you this way. Maybe just like I use to when I really struggled with anxiety and viewed people's negative judgements as being important/having a lot of weight and that there's something wrong with me and not them. But the fact they are judging you if you are just minding your own business shows that there is something wrong with them and not you! I do my best to try and to bother others and do my own thing and if they still are mean to me then fuck those people. If you ever are doing the same then remember, if you aren't bother them then what right do they have to go out of their way to make you feel shitty? As for the exhaustion man I totally understand you, just focusing so hard on trying be normal and feel comfortable is extremely hard. But its good that you are trying to be better at it and even though you may not be seeing immediate results I hope that you keep up with it. When you tell yourself "FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING" although it may work for you maybe you could come up with a different saying that may be a little more positive. For example "Fuck random strangers comments about me, fuck being normal, or fuck people who are so pitiful that they have nothing better to do than judge others who are different than them." I know it hurts to be judged by others, even on my meds it still hurts a ton, but I just remind myself of how much I now respect and love myself which this self judgement is what I attach the most weight to. Even if people who are close to you negatively judge you, all that matters is that you respect yourself and that you know what type of person you truly are, always doing what makes you happy even though others make look down upon it. Nowadays I hold self-perception and my beliefs much higher than those around me. It still hurts when people say I am a loser or someone who is trying to be cool. But I know that it simply isn't the truth, that's the just the way they perceive me, and that's all it is. That doesn't make their perception right its just how they see things. I know who I am deep down and I do everything in my power to remind myself so that I don't succumb to being too negatively impacted by how others may perceive me or their belief of what type of person I am. Even though you may consider yourself anti-social or an introvert I don't think that's true nor a bad thing. Struggling to be accepted by others or enjoying just being alone and doing your own thing does not make you anti-social. Also, being an introvert has its benefits and downsides just as the opposite does. I can also relate to your strong feeling of wanting to be accepted by everyone. I believe that this impossible buddy, because to be accepted by everyone would mean having to conform to their ways and beliefs which may be the exact opposite of your beliefs or mind-set. Try and focus on making yourself happy via what interest you, and making friends who are similar to you. Not trying to make it so everyone will accept you. There are people out there that are born to disagree with you and not accept you which is okay my friend. Just because they may not accept you is not a bad thing it just means that you are different from them. Not being interested in what they are is completely normal, and don't let them trick you into thinking that just because you are interested in different things makes you inferior to them. They want you to conform and be like them, because their belief is that fitting in and conforming is right. Anything otherwise is wrong in their eyes and they will do everything in their power just to try and prevent you from being an individual. As for climbing the social ladder, I beg you of please don't make friends with the main goal of trying to make your way up the social chain. When you make cooler friends what are you going to do about the friends who are in lower in the social ladder? Just ignore them and keep making your way up, or try and remain friends with them? What if your new cooler friends don't like that you are still friends with those "nerds"? I think those people would be incredibly hurt if this happened to them. Focus on making friends because you want to meet people who you enjoy being around and who accept you. Just because they may be perceived as being low in the social chain I believe that no matter who the person is everyone is unique in a good way. If you happen to climb the social ladder because people see how good of a friend you are then great! But the main goal is trying to make quality friends who you enjoy being around. Personally, I enjoy being around people who may be considered as freaks, different, or nerdy. Because I am all these things and its okay, see these people are different and unique, they aren't normal in the eyes of the popular majority so they get rejected just because they aren't the same as them. That isn't a bad thing, I think being different is a good and amazing thing. Being normal is boring! But that is how I perceive things, and all it is a perception that I believe in because it makes me happy. I have no ill feeling towards you if you think differently because everyone in this world is different and perceive things in a unique way. I know the feeling of believing you aren't normal but I believe you are more normal than you think you are. I'm considered a crazy bastard and all my friends are crazy but I say that we are the normal ones! Everyone else are the weird ones. As for your hobbies and interests, please continue to be interested in electronics. Staying true to what makes you happy is once again the most important. Just remember to hang in there and as you grow up things will change for the better, I guarantee it. The social culture you have to deal with now is not forever. Being all cool and accepted in school doesn't mean diddly squat once you graduate. Its a whole new way of looking at the world my friend and you will experience it as long as you don't give up. One last thing, try and make friends with people based on their personality and now how they are viewed by the cool kids. I suggest the nerdy/really nice people. There is a much higher chance that they can understand how you feel because they have had their fair share of feeling as they aren't accepted as normal. Remember, what I say in this post in this just advice and that in the end what matters is what you think is the best way to deal with your anxiety. My words hold no weight unless you want them to my friend and I respect that! I wish you the best of luck and I know you can overcome your anxiety.