Frustrated

[Samantha34]

Just felt like I needed to let out how im feeling and what not. The weekend was hard especially Saturday. For some reason me and my boyfriend just have not been getting along. We can both be in good moods and talking great over text or we are having a great day and then anxiety and ocd kicks into high gear and thats when everything goes south. i have to ask him to wash his hands and he gets upset or he seeing me washing my hands so much that he gets upset. I have washed my hands so much that they are red and are so dry that they are cracking open. Because of this im very self conscious of my hands. I dont like anyone in public to see my hands. I try to act like it doesnt bother me but it does. I feel like everyone sees my hands and are judging me. Saying things like ''whats wrong with that girls hands" or "do you see her hands? i wonder whats wrong" i feel like everywhere i go people are always talking about my hands. I hate when people i know ask me about my hands because i have to lie because i know they wont understand. They are people i know but they are relatives so i feel like i have to lie. I tell them that i have dry skin (which i do) and that they just dry out really bad and thats why they look the way they do. (they wouldnt look like that if i didnt wash my hands so much.) My hands even hurt me sometimes but i cant stop from washing them. My dad keeps telling me to "get over it" and i swear if i hear him say that one more time im going to explode. ive tried to tell him multiple times that i cant and i try to explain but all i get is that "its all in my head and that im just going to have to get over it and dont have a choice im just going to have to" i swear hes the most stubborn person on this. My mom tries to back me up and help me try to make him understand but all he says to her is that shes making excuses for me. Ugh irritated with my dad so much. I cant stand people and how blind and hurtful they can be. I mean out of all people my dad should at least try and help but he makes it worse. Its gotten to the point where im done with telling him how im feeling with my anxiety. He at one point was helping but now hes not. He always asks because he wants to know but then he just gets me more upset and frustrated than i already was and i know what hes going to say so i just dont tell him any more.

[Michael_H]

Hey Samantha,

Reading your post I can see that you did have a lot going on over the weekend..

I can only imagine what it must have been like for you..

It's funny sometimes, no matter how old and grown up we get,
parents can still be pretty tough on us..

Maybe, You need to give your self permission to explode at your dad..

Maybe it's what you need and also what he needs for things to change
between you to..

I say this because from what I read in your post,
it looks like this has been going on for a while for you, with him..

And nothing seems to be changing,
but it's impacting on you pretty hard..

Exploding at him, may not stop him communicating,
the way he does, but it may make you feel stronger in yourself,
by standing up to him..

And that may help you in other ways..

[Samantha34]

I have yelled at him and tried to help him understand and he just doesnt want to listen he thinks im making excuses for myself. My therapist has also tried to talk to him but like i said he wont listen. He doesnt listen to anyone. He seems to be the only one who isnt even trying to understand. I know that no one in my family understands but they try their best and they dont say things like "get over it" only he does which just makes the situation worse than better.

[Michael_H]

Hey Samantha,

I don't believe he is doing it to hurt you..

Rather it is more like a way of copping with what is going on..

On some level, it tears him up inside him to see his "little girl"
going through what she is at the moment..

(Because parents never stop being parents)

This dis-empowers him because there is nothing he can do about it..

Men are "hardwired" with a "duty" to protect their family..

And all humans are "hardwired" to go into "fight or flight" mode when they perceive a threat..
(Basically we are going to beat the crap out of it, or we are going to run away from it..)

So when your dad sees you in pain he wants to beat the crap out of the cause of that pain..

Problem is there is nothing physical there, but yet his "little girl" is still in pain..

So the threat is there, but at the same time it is not there..

So as a copping mechanism to the situation he is,
running away/not taking the time to understand what is happening to you..

Now it's NOT your fault and it's NOT his fault either..

It just is, what it is..

The point is you have enough on your plate nourishing yourself,
so that you are strong enough to find and grow the "you" that is beyond anxiety..

Learn to give yourself permission to spend less time around your dad..
He will always love you and be there for you,
doing the best that he can, even if that best is not what you need..

But you gotta nail what you're going through and start living the life you deserve..

Start giving yourself permission to challenge your ocd..

Start small, maybe go out in the garden and get your hands dirty,

then say "Nope, I'm not washing these babies for 5 whole minutes."

Even if you can only do 10 seconds that's ok,
then give yourself permission to go and wash them..

Challenge it, with small steps that over time become leaps and bounds,
take back your power Sam..

[Samantha34]

Im trying everyday I try to touch something that I dont want to without washing my hands. Sometimes I can and other times I have to wash my hands. Like last night my boyfriend touched something and instead of the usual bugging him until he washes his hands I didnt ask him to wash his hands and i just focused on having fun with him and eventually I wasnt worried about it any more.