I'm a prisoner to myself

[michelle17]

I think I have social phobia. I'm 17 and it's been going on ever since I was 13 I would say. At first it wasn't so bad, and I've always been a shy kid out in public..at home I was perfectly fine though, and now too. But it's been gradually getting worse. I get such nervousness when I'm in the simplest situations like saying "here" for class or something...and today we had to do introduction in class and as usual, my heart was racing 100 miles per minute before anyone's name was even called. It took so much effort not to act nervous...but yet my voice still trembled...not so much as usual cause I was trying so hard not to be nervous but it was still there. When I have to do presentations in class, I usually skip or simply not do it. I feel like such a prisoner to myself, and I know I could do SO much better in school if I wasn't so nervous all the time. I'm not nervous in front of my friends, just mainly people who intimidate me...which is a lot of people. The thing is, I know I need help but it's so embarassing...like painfully embarassing. I tried telling my mom once that I had a real problem and told her I shake and tremble so much in presentations but she said that's normal, and I was over-reacting. I dont want to go to a doctor anyways though...it was hard enough trying to tell my mom the tiniest bit of my problem. I just want some over the counter medication or something that could work for me. As I'm writing this tears are coming to my eyes, and I know that sounds pathetic but I feel like such a loser..I feel so different, and I can't help it. I'm a smart, pretty girl and this is holding me back so much. I wanna live life, go on dates, breeze through presentations, order dinner without feeling that little bit of nervousness.

Again, I don't want to go to a psychologist or doctor...I reeeally dont..It's way too hard, I'd feel so stupid and I'd probably end up crying. I just want some medication I can easily obtain, or tips to overcome this problem. Thanks for listening.

[need2talk]

hey i completely know how you feel. i have severe social phobia that impairs basically every aspect of my life, every other part of my life is totally normal also. im a good looking guy with plenty of prospects but social phobia seems to destroy all of that. you're mom thinks you're just "shy" because she could never understand what social phobia is, as many other people will never understand. even though its extremely hard, i recommend you talk to your school counselor and see if they will have a different answer than your mom. also you should start researching books on morita therapy, zen, buddhism or taoism for anxiety sufferers. they're easy to order online. then after all of that your next step would be to tell your mom that you need to see a therapist that deals in anxiety, whether she agrees with it or not.

i just ordered this book off amazon:
Thoughts Without a Thinker: Psychotherapy from a Buddhist Perspective

i know how this feels, i hope this helps u

[Jamima]

Yes, that's definitely anxiety. I had it at your age too when called upon in class to answer. If you do nothing about it , it progressively gets worse. I am in my 40's and have had this for years but haven't taken medication except for once. There are times when it doesn't seem to bother me at all but if I have to speak in public or speak up in groups it's always there. I saw a phycholgist a few years ago and one of the things that came out of the sessions was when she read off a few words how a person feels and told me to let her know when I hit one that applied to me. When she said "I can't let it out" I repeated in amazement and said it over and over. That's how I feel too. Trapped by my fear. Perhaps I'm not the best to give you advice since I've never really managed to overcome this myself. All I can suggest is meditation, taking some herbs and natural stuff to relax (I take Valerian and 5htp), and to keep battling against the fear. If you do decide to go the route of drugs, they do work. I took Prozac for a short period and I was amazed at how I changed. I felt confident in situations I previously felt fear and panic in. I got off it because of the sideaffects.