Relationship Problems due to anxiety

[MaryJayne]

Hello everyone.
Its my first time posting, and I'm hoping someone can help me. I know this forum isn't for relationship problems, but when it boils down to it, anxiety is the main problem. My name’s Mary and I’m 29. Ive been with my boyfriend for about 3 and a half years. We both have problems that work against each other very much. He has problems with anger and i have problems with anxiety, especially when it comes to what others think of me. Over the years, he has gotten a lot better at managing and dealing with his anger. As far as myself goes, i feel like i go in spurts where i try to control and manage my anxiety, but it seems I always stop for a while. I fool myself into believing it is getting better, I dont keep up with techniques, almost like I lose interest. Its now affecting our relationship. I can’t make a decision, I can’t be assertive, I lie about things I really want and feel just to agree with others so there’s no confrontation or anger. I get very afraid, and I hate it. Now, seeing as how its affecting our relationship so much, you’d think I would want to get a hold of it. But I don’t try. If I do, its a measly two week attempt, and then I’m right back to where I was. I care about this man so much. The love I feel for him, and how he makes me feel loved are incredible. But my problems clash so much that I’m driving HIM crazy. By the time I’ve realized Ive gone right back to that fearful person, its already happened and I’m back to square one. Sometimes I wish i had someone who would just look past my problems so I didnt need to change, because I’m beginning to feel like I’m incapable of changing. Or is it because I lack the drive to actually change. Does that mean I don’t care about my boyfriend enough to change? And if I don’t care, then should I even be with him? I dont know if i’m just too lazy, or just don’t actually care, but at the same time, I feel like i’m going insane. Is it too hard for me to work on things while in a relationship? Maybe I need to see someone, as I feel like I lack the discipline to tweak myself without giving up. I haven’t been happy with myself and how I’ve handled things in the relationship so far. So sometimes I wonder if my idea of just breaking things off is just my anxiety wanting me to run away, but I can’t validate my own feelings because all I think about it reasons why they’re right and reasons why they’re wrong…not “this is right” or “this is wrong”. Its like I have no idea who I actually am.

Im sorry this is so long…this is the most honest i’ve been in a long time and I’m extremely grateful to anyone who reads it and offers any kind of advice. I sincerely thank you.

[shaikhrahuf]

Mary,
Problem due to anxiety are adverse, work, relations, frnds, socializing etc are effected, v r all same here, as per ur BF's anger is considered u both are like magnets with same side which will reflect, you hv to make understand ur BF and also understand him when he is in his anger phase, ask ur BF to do some meditation or breathing execercise to control his anger and besides u also seek medical help (not helpful but for time being is supresses ur anxiety ) and relaxation exercise, remember anxiety is an oitcome of our own thoughts, so u urself has to cure it..
Read this forum there are very good people overe here who r suffering from same and also who has recovered.. i am also battling no matter what happens will fight till end..

[Lin]

So sorry you are having problems. My depression this time has caused me real relationship problems. My husband of 28 years can't stand it because lasted over two years this time so sick of doing most of housework, shopping, jobs at the shops and us not having a social life because I won't go out, sometimes not even to sit in the garden. At times I have seen hatred in his eyes and there is never any sympathy because he has lost it all. He gets carer support every now and again and he is better then because he realises there are others suffering like him and some much worse. This term he is also going on two courses to help me with my recovery which my mental health nurse persuaded him to do hut he wouldn't consider when i asked him.
Also I have now had 5 months off work, then 12 weeks phased return and then full time for a year and then just been off again for 10 weeks. During that time my old boss retired and new boss who is meant to be a people person has turned into not very nice. Before I returned this time although nurse and Dr said ready to go back she had to meet me and decide she would let me back. Instead of being pleased she told me that when i had been working when she started as chief executive I had shown signs of mental illness in the office and had she not known me for two years as a director she would have got rid if me, also if I don't stay calm always now she will have me redeployed. I have been doing the job for 13 years and in the authority for 19 years so determined someone coming in after only two years not going to get rid of me and I will win in end, but every day in three weeks been back she has asked if I am stressed or said on phone she can hear anxiety in my voice so constant pressure from her which i can't handle so my mental health nurse is meeting me this week with occupational health manager from work so can see if they can help me.
Really difficult how it ruins your life and dealing with relationships and try keep working is really hard.
Mental illness still has such a stigma it does not help.