At My Wit's End...Please Help

[Nicoleeo]

I am at my wit's end with this panic and anxiety. It has affected every aspect of my life and I am so over it. I have all the symptoms of classic anxiety...really, all of them. I work in the mental health profession, am educated up to my eyeballs about anxiety disorders, teach DBT and coping skills classes in a crisis stabilization environment, and I feel sometimes like I am in worse shape than most of my clients. I am to a point where my anxiety and panic angers me. I know the deal, I know the drill. Why am I still afflicted? I use my coping skills to get me through a panic attack. Showers, relaxation, sleep. Sleep seems to be what gets me through the best-but this is not the life I want to lead. I feel robbed of my livelihood and I am quite resentful about it. I remember a time when I was not crippled with anxiety. I liked to do things, hang out with friends, travel....live. I don't need a crash course on coping skills and how to get through a panic attack. I want to prevent them. I don't want to live in a constant state of worry, tenseness, pain, headaches, and fear. That isn't me. I was adventurous as hell once upon a time. I have hitchhiked across the country, taken risks, felt alive. Now a trip to the grocery store will send me into a state of panic. Getting ready for work sucks. I have anxiety right up until I have been at work for an hour or so. Did I mention I work in mental health? If my clients only knew what a mess I am. Pretty sure they wouldn't even consider buying what I am selling. I just want myself back. I want to laugh, live, make jokes (I really am quite hilarious), and find that adventure that is passing me by as I sit holed up in my apartment because I am paralyzed with fear and panic. Thanks for reading this. Hope to hear from anyone that has beaten this. Panic-free is equivalent to cancer-free for me. No offense to any survivors or people who may be dealing with cancer with themselves of family members. It is the best way I can say it right now. Look forward to your replies.

[maria.g]

Hi Nicole
Stress hits everyone and we all deal with the fallout in different ways. You're allowed to be human - the fact that you're in the profession, you know only too well how complex mental health actually is and can more than empathise which is huge advantage but doesn't fix your problem.
Can you take a superior aside and ask for some help with your own anxiety? I had to do this a few times in my working life and am now waiting to do CBT (am out of work since Feb this time)
Have you ever been on any meds yourself to deal with anxiety/depression?
Emotionally, I am depleted following a lot of stressful life events but I'm still a work in progress as we all are.
Hope you get some help for yourself and put you first for a change!
I

[vonnhelsing]

dear nicole,
i feel you. im going through the same thing. i used to travel all over the world, even hiking by myself for days on end without a care in the world. no fear of anything.
now.. i havent been on an airplane in years, spend most of my days sitting at home only leaving to go to work, see my family and occasionally go out with friends. anxiety has totally engulfed my life.
BUT! it doesn't last forever : ) i used to be a hundred times worse than i am now. i am on a slow but steady road to recovery and you will be too! : )
it really does take a long time. it takes a lot of courage and determination because the best way to fight anxiety is to face your fears no matter how frightening they are, until your brain realizes that there is nothing to stress about.
the way you are helping your clients and as they are progressing, so will you!

[Cobra]

Sound like your issue is not understanding and coping skills, but acceptance and frustration and shame. You have to accept the anxiety. Really accept it. Stop fighting it because you are just playing into the fight or flight response. Don't be impatient for the anxiety or go away. That is another source of tension. And don't be ashamed for the same reason. Even cancer doctors get cancer. Dentists get cavities. Your education does not make you immune to stress and anxiety. In fact, I would think that it would put you at higher risk, being exposed to all the negative talk and thinking of your patients.

[Lin]

Just because you work in mental health does not mean you are less susceptible to depression , anxiety and panic attacks.
It is very hard in whatever job you do to act 'normal' every day and it adds extra pressure to your head.
I have been on a few courses run by mental health, NHS etc and there are usually people on the courses who work in mental health, either helping to facilitate the course or attending the course to help themselves get better, so certain you are not alone.
At least you should be able to recognise your symptoms and get access to the help you need and coping exercises you need to get through it.
Hope you are soon able to get your panic under control and able to start enjoying life again. The hardest side of this illness is not feeling like yourself and not being able to laugh like you used to.