Zeano
05-20-2013, 01:55 PM
hi guys.
well as the title states......im back. after 4-5 years of being away from this site, im now back again :(. I had a big panic attack a week and half ago and unfortunately just has made me feel pretty crappy since.
The last 4 years however has not been anxiety free, their has ALWAYS been underlying anxiety, some days its small and can deal with it quite easily and some days its big. And the only reason I got through them was because I had to because I was at work or something. I have done a lot in this time however....I formed a relationship which we have now been together for 2 years, I have moved house with her, changed job twice, been abroad on holiday, got a brand new car, and grew closer to my family but always had anxiety.
The holiday was ruined due to me needing to have 4 bottles of beer before wanting to leave the hotel room, and this is how most my life has been. By no means am I saying its all been bad.....at some parts in the 4 years I have felt good and even questioned if I ever really had anxiety at all because I hadn't felt its strong grasp for a while.
about 8 months ago we went on a family trip to Ireland.....I felt very anxious about the flight their but nothing I knew wasn't normal and just had a couple of pints at the airport before getting on the plane (I am quite scared of flying too) and it seemed to kinda sort the problem. After having a Saturday in Dublin and going on a night out drinking, I woke up the next day to a trip to the Guinness factory. I don't like heights but went up trying to combat my shaking body and my thoughts running wild....when I got to the top I had a panic attack .....this took me a week to get over and forced myself back into work and things seemed to calm down over time until....
last week........ the problem is , when I suffer with panic/anxiety bad , I suffer with constant de-realization, feeling very dizzy, faint, and like im going snap and go mad! Its horrible......this time its kinda got like it did 4 years ago. Scared to do anything really and darnt really do anything without even having a drink of somekind before. 4 years ago I had agoraphobia for like 3 months aswell and didn't leave the house for that time. I have now had the last week and a half off work and are due back a week today. I work with people with autism and help them live their daily life by taking them shopping, hanging out with them, doing activities and even going on short holidays with them. Im scared that this job is so demanding that if this anxiety keeps up how can I do my job?
At the moment 3/4 I just feel so out of it, like im really deep within myself and I cant take a 'real' breath or find anything interesting and just constantly thinking negative thoughts about me being in hospital or that im going to die and I just want to live abit longer because im only 26.
I just need that re-assurance that im not the only one again.....I have been to the doctors lots with anxiety......I have therapy scheduled but not for 3 weeks and I get anxious about taking tablets so I don't.......the twice ive took tablets I have had a big panic attack and its made me mentally think its the tablets. Alcohol is my only reliever and it scares me as I don't want to get dependant.....is 4 cans of lager way too much a day? that's how much im drinking on average. I try and make them last and see how long I can last for before needing one. usually get to about midday.
I know theirs a lot here guys
but would love some help and feedback
if anyone reads this who is the same as me at the moment , take away that I suffered really really really bad 5 years ago, and managed to get a beautiful girlfriend who loves me, a house, 3 jobs, motorbikes, cars and never went mad or mental and never died........just a shame im back :(
well as the title states......im back. after 4-5 years of being away from this site, im now back again :(. I had a big panic attack a week and half ago and unfortunately just has made me feel pretty crappy since.
The last 4 years however has not been anxiety free, their has ALWAYS been underlying anxiety, some days its small and can deal with it quite easily and some days its big. And the only reason I got through them was because I had to because I was at work or something. I have done a lot in this time however....I formed a relationship which we have now been together for 2 years, I have moved house with her, changed job twice, been abroad on holiday, got a brand new car, and grew closer to my family but always had anxiety.
The holiday was ruined due to me needing to have 4 bottles of beer before wanting to leave the hotel room, and this is how most my life has been. By no means am I saying its all been bad.....at some parts in the 4 years I have felt good and even questioned if I ever really had anxiety at all because I hadn't felt its strong grasp for a while.
about 8 months ago we went on a family trip to Ireland.....I felt very anxious about the flight their but nothing I knew wasn't normal and just had a couple of pints at the airport before getting on the plane (I am quite scared of flying too) and it seemed to kinda sort the problem. After having a Saturday in Dublin and going on a night out drinking, I woke up the next day to a trip to the Guinness factory. I don't like heights but went up trying to combat my shaking body and my thoughts running wild....when I got to the top I had a panic attack .....this took me a week to get over and forced myself back into work and things seemed to calm down over time until....
last week........ the problem is , when I suffer with panic/anxiety bad , I suffer with constant de-realization, feeling very dizzy, faint, and like im going snap and go mad! Its horrible......this time its kinda got like it did 4 years ago. Scared to do anything really and darnt really do anything without even having a drink of somekind before. 4 years ago I had agoraphobia for like 3 months aswell and didn't leave the house for that time. I have now had the last week and a half off work and are due back a week today. I work with people with autism and help them live their daily life by taking them shopping, hanging out with them, doing activities and even going on short holidays with them. Im scared that this job is so demanding that if this anxiety keeps up how can I do my job?
At the moment 3/4 I just feel so out of it, like im really deep within myself and I cant take a 'real' breath or find anything interesting and just constantly thinking negative thoughts about me being in hospital or that im going to die and I just want to live abit longer because im only 26.
I just need that re-assurance that im not the only one again.....I have been to the doctors lots with anxiety......I have therapy scheduled but not for 3 weeks and I get anxious about taking tablets so I don't.......the twice ive took tablets I have had a big panic attack and its made me mentally think its the tablets. Alcohol is my only reliever and it scares me as I don't want to get dependant.....is 4 cans of lager way too much a day? that's how much im drinking on average. I try and make them last and see how long I can last for before needing one. usually get to about midday.
I know theirs a lot here guys
but would love some help and feedback
if anyone reads this who is the same as me at the moment , take away that I suffered really really really bad 5 years ago, and managed to get a beautiful girlfriend who loves me, a house, 3 jobs, motorbikes, cars and never went mad or mental and never died........just a shame im back :(