Panic when things don't go as planned?

[Gatsby]

So, with my anxiety, I often plan things out (like outings, going to school, etc.) in advance in my head. I conjure up the desirable minimal-anxiety scenarios about the following day and vow to see EVERY little detail through. It's kinda tough to explain but for a recent example, this weekend in Canada (where I am) it's a long weekend so we have Saturday, Sunday, and Monday off of school and work. My parents are separated so I see my dad every weekend and yesterday I was so set on seeing my dad today and planned out everything. He'd (my dad) pick my brother and I up at 5:30pm, we'd go to supper and straight to a movie for 7:00pm and then wrap up the night with him dropping us off when the movie ends around 9:30pm. I really like going to the movies, as I have little-to-no anxiety because I'm not interacting with people, I don't have to eat if I don't want to, and I have plenty of distraction in front of me. Anyway, he called me yesterday telling me he had to work today and that we would have to hang out tomorrow (Monday). After I got off the phone I actually cried in some sort of panic. It was like my plan was "ruined" and things were now unpredictable regarding me and how my anxiety would flare up. It was like I had a back-up relax/coping day on Monday in case my visit with him today was panic-filled, y'know?

Then again, I'm routine-obsessed as well. I have a certain way and time that I do things and I immediately get anxious if there's an interruption to that schedule. Anyone else in the same boat? :/

[Enduronman]

I can empathize with everything that you just mentioned. I had lived with something similar to that throughout most of my life. The major problems that all of these hopes, planning, expectations, scheduling, and routines caused, were all caused by the fact that I was the only one that thought any of these things to be of any great significance or importance, no one else did. In fact, no one else even knew the invisible and unforeseen demands that I had placed upon them. In turn, I was ALWAYS let down in one way or the other. One aspect of this is something that I had spoken about to my kids, family, and other friends. I was extremely timely, precise, punctual for my entire life and I thought that everyone else in this world should be too. They aren't, and they never will be, just like me or act and behave just like I expect. People continued to let me down, all the time. How did I correct this issue 5 years ago? I stopped being overly hyper vigilant and precise in the evolution of any plans for any event especially when it involved, other people besides myself. When people then didn't do as they were asked or told to do at a specific place at a specific time, of which, most didn't do anyway, I ignored them and I ignored the effects that their actions would have generally caused me. I still think that their actions are nothing short of disrespectful to me an also to others that are expecting them to do as planned, but I also realized that their complacency didn't really bother other people around me either, the way it used to bother me. I had to adopt a new attitude in this regard. "So what or who cares". It worked. It didn't create the same type of response in me, that it does in you. It created anger and disgust for that person. I would let them know how pathetic that I thought, they were. No matter who they were. Which in turn, didn't solve, change, nor proove anything at all other then maybe scare the s**t out of them. That's another story for another time.

Planning for the future is different, then expecting every detail of the future to be, as you have planned. No one can do, what we try and had tried to do.

Whatever happens, happens.

Lower your expectations, now.

E-Man.

[DustingMyselfOff]

I can totally relate, Gatsby. I "rehearse" every little thing that is going to happen in the next day or two, putting in potential areas of panic, a plan for how I will handle the panic (which of course will happen since I already talked myself into it) and I dread the moments leading up to the event and can't wait until it's over so I can go back to the safety of my home and solitude. And yes, often the plans don't work out the way we've rehearsed them and then we're left totally unprepared and discombobulated.

I, too, like to have my "recovery" days after a big event (or at least it SEEMS big to me) and if the date changes not allowing me a recovery day, I am totally bummed and assume that my entire week is going to be awful.

I'm working hard on letting all that go and training myself to say "So what - who cares?" when I find myself starting to worry about something. I'm doing some self-hypnosis (found online) and I believe it's helping me replace negative thoughts and images with positive ones.

Good luck - you are not alone, and this can be overcome.
Sue

[Gatsby]

I can totally relate, Gatsby. I "rehearse" every little thing that is going to happen in the next day or two, putting in potential areas of panic, a plan for how I will handle the panic (which of course will happen since I already talked myself into it) and I dread the moments leading up to the event and can't wait until it's over so I can go back to the safety of my home and solitude. And yes, often the plans don't work out the way we've rehearsed them and then we're left totally unprepared and discombobulated.

I, too, like to have my "recovery" days after a big event (or at least it SEEMS big to me) and if the date changes not allowing me a recovery day, I am totally bummed and assume that my entire week is going to be awful.

I'm working hard on letting all that go and training myself to say "So what - who cares?" when I find myself starting to worry about something. I'm doing some self-hypnosis (found online) and I believe it's helping me replace negative thoughts and images with positive ones.

Good luck - you are not alone, and this can be overcome.
Sue

That's EXACTLY how I feel! I'll tell myself "Well, everyone will probably want to eat and I'll probably have a panic attack. I'll just eat quick so we can leave ASAP" and then things will go NOTHING as planned, like if dessert was insisted. I immediately feel unprepared and pressured. I also only think about home as well when I'm in a distressing situation. All day at school I'll be thinking "C'mon, 3:30, c'mon!" just to go home, have time fly, and wake up anxious the next morning to do it all over again.

And YES "recovery days" is exact! My brother will be absolutely thrilled to go out to eat and see my dad, it's the highlight of his week even. Yet, I stress and dread it all week long and this REALLY upsets me because I love my dad and I'm supposed to enjoy/cherish the time I have with him when I really just tolerate it. :(

I'll try to carry the "So what?" attitude as you and Enduronman suggested. It seems to work for a lot of us who just have those stubborn ruminating ideas.

Thank you, I really do appreciate your encouragement! :)

[DustingMyselfOff]

If nothing else, it's great to know others feel and understand what you're dealing with, isn't it? And it makes us feel less "crazy" knowing others do this, too.

Small consolation, but I'll take whatever I can get.
Sue

[Gatsby]

If nothing else, it's great to know others feel and understand what you're dealing with, isn't it? And it makes us feel less "crazy" knowing others do this, too.

Small consolation, but I'll take whatever I can get.
Sue

It really is comforting being able to relate to people who are going through the same things that I'm struggling with :) And I agree, it does reassure me that I'm not so insane after all, lol! ;)

I'll take any help that I can get because I'd say that just this past December I hit "rock bottom", realizing that I can't just keep it to myself any more and I need to seek out some help. Even now with CBT sessions that I started in April, things are tough. I always thought I was so motivated to recover but my oh my is it hard. :(

So, tomorrow I'm seeing my dad and I'll hopefully survive. I'll definitely use "So what?" as a mantra if my mind starts "rehearsing", as you greatly put it. :)

[DustingMyselfOff]

Good luck - let us know how it goes. And don't try to fight the attacks coming because you know that doesn't work. Maybe get cocky with them and say "bring it on - I can take it." When you start to feel like YOU have the control over them instead of them over you, it might get easier. I know you know how to bring on a panic attack (I do it often) so that means we can also control how fast we accept them, let them do their thing for a minute, and then go away.
Sue