How do you downplay those mid-night panics?

[DustingMyselfOff]

I've been doing really, really well with using the "It's only an anxiety symptom - big deal" attitude when I start to feel anxiety and panic coming on. When I now get a dizzy feeling instead of turning it into a panic attack I take a breath, remind myself it's only a stupid, nuisance symptom of anxiety, and I've been able to nip them in the bud. Or if that doesn't work I talk a walk to the ladies room, do some deep breathing, and take a few moments of calm and quiet.

However, last night I had a horrible panic attack in the middle of the night.... can't remember when I've had one like that, if ever. I have Graves Disease (hyperthyroid) so I know every system in my body is racing and in overdrive now, hence the additional anxiety, and I've been meditating, taking beta blockers, tranquilizers, etc. Started see a therapist last week, too.

Anyway, I've had a rough couple of days with anxiety and it's wiped me out so I fell asleep on the couch last night. About 5:00 a.m. I woke up in terror and panic. My heart was racing and I was scared to death of, well, as you know: nothing. Now there is no way in hell I was able to breathe through that or remind myself it's just a symptom. I don't think it can be done when you wake up in a foggy terror. Has anyone successfully gotten through those without spending the next several hours curled up in a fetal position begging the universe to make it stop?

I got up and took a beta blocker to slow down the heart and went up to bed but I laid there trembling and scared to death and feeling like I was losing my mind and there's no "positive thinking" that will get rid of that, at least not for me. About 9:00 a.m. my husband was trying to rub my back to calm me but that just made me more irritated. I asked him to go get me a half of a new tranquilizer that I've been "saving for emergencies" and it calmed me enough to put me to sleep.

Of course, I'm afraid of going to bed tonight because I don't want an instant replay. I'm not accustomed to waking up in panic.... mine have always been during waking hours. How do you handle the middle of the night panics when you're in a fog and unable to think clearly?

Sue

[Kevcules]

Hi Sue.... Sorry to hear your having troubles. I have anxiety also and it's gotten pretty bad lately.Not to the extreme you're talking about but bad enough. I wish I could offer some useful advice but sorry........I can't. I don't know how to deal with my own bullshit anxiety and depression. Heaven gets closer every day....
You should try different meds and talk to your doctors as much as you can...... Most times they can steer you in the right path.
My idiot psychiatrist though laughed out loud when I said "the meds are helping a little bit, at least I don't think about suicide every day now" ???? WTF ???
Not much help to you I know, but I'm feeling pretty down today....

Take Care....

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi Sue.... Sorry to hear your having troubles. I have anxiety also and it's gotten pretty bad lately.Not to the extreme you're talking about but bad enough. I wish I could offer some useful advice but sorry........I can't. I don't know how to deal with my own bullshit anxiety and depression. Heaven gets closer every day....
You should try different meds and talk to your doctors as much as you can...... Most times they can steer you in the right path.
My idiot psychiatrist though laughed out loud when I said "the meds are helping a little bit, at least I don't think about suicide every day now" ???? WTF ???
Not much help to you I know, but I'm feeling pretty down today....

Take Care....

Thanks for writing, Kev. Sometimes all it takes to make me feel a little better is knowing I'm not alone in this miserable battle. What makes my anxiety worse is struggling and white-knuckling it to go out and do a seemingly normal errand and having to see everyone else around me appearing to be totally relaxed and enjoying life while I am counting the minutes till I can get back home.

I have recently seen a psychiatrist, was kind of hoping that maybe we'd find something deeply buried that has been eating away at me all these years. Instead, he only wanted to prescribe meds. he told me he does no psychotherapy - only prescribes meds. We went over what I'm already on and pretty much agreed that the recent increase I made in my anti-depressant was a good idea and that I might see an improvement n a few weeks. He also gave me a scrip for Xanax since I told him the one I'm using now isn't cutting it anymore. So then I asked him for a referral to someone who could "talk" through some of my issues, and I had my first appointment with her a few days ago. I like her, but she doesn't really know about panic attacks, however I'm hoping she'll help me dig some stuff up that needs resolving.

In the meantime, I have to keep upping my thryoid meds hoping to find some relief and may consider talking to a surgeon about just yanking it out.

I guess it's true . . we all are struggling with some sort of battle but it sure looks like everyone around me when I go out is having a gay old time. Good for them - depressing to me.
Sue

[Kevcules]

Hey Sue.......I hear ya loud and clear. A lot of people suffer with this bullcrap! I have anxiety and depression now from not being in love with my wife any more (never really was I think) and hating my job. For years I've spiralled down till the end is near! I can't see any light in my life tunnel , it's all doom and gloom. I've got no where to turn.Don't like going to work or coming home! I do have two awesome kids that I adore! (13 and 10) They are the reason I getup in the morning!
You're right the psychiatrist is only there for brief conversation and to give meds . he explained that when you see a psychologist , he won't see you until your mood has stabilized. My idiot psychiatrist
actually laughed out loud when I had my first re-visit to see how I was doing. I said "I feel a little better, at least I don't think about suicide every day" He burst out laughing! WTF ? What kind of doc is this idiot?
Keep taking some meds and try to talk about what's troubling you with a trained psychologist. I'm going to try to do the same if I can make it.....

I'm married but it's not sun being in the relationship. I met a girl and we talked for about 4 months! She's awesome and caring and wants me to get better with her help. She said she will wait for me as long as it takes. I love this girl now. BUT....I recently asked her how her life was at home. I'm unhappy at home but she says it's not so bad, she just misses the passionate kisses and sex. So my heart just sank thinking , if you're happy with your home life, then WTF am I doing with you??? I thought we would be together down the road but as each day passes, I don't know now. We don't see each other much any more (once a week maybe for an hr) and she doesn't seem to be trying to meet me. I told her when she found time , let me know....She's the most wonderful I've ever met but if her future doesn't have me in it, then I've got to do something. She keeps saying she doesn't want to get caught, well, guess what, I don;t want to get caught either but I would do anything to see her! My heart really aches for her and I think she is causing my biggest stress and anxiety. I was already there before her but I thought she was my saviour and bright light....she makes me smile when nothing else does. We talked everyday , EVERYDAY and it's good conversation but I'm not going to check my email tonight because my heart sinks when I read her cute messages telling me how wonderful I am,trying to cheer me uo from being so low, but then she doesn't get a chance to see me. I'm a real softie and this is killing me! I've asked her to come to a hypnotist show in a month, I already showed her the tickets I bought for both of us. I'm seeing the guy for a few sessions before the show to try to get rid of my anxiety so hopefully I'll be on stage with him too!! I always wanted to try it! She said it was too risky and didn't want anyone to see her. I hate to do this, I love this girl like I've never loved before but if Ilook down at the seat beside me that night.....I have to tell her good bye.....I have to or I'l have a nervous break down.....Her life is exciting she's happy and mine sucks shit. It did have a shimmer of hope when I met her but the kight is fading! Sorry for the rant but it felt good! :)

[DustingMyselfOff]

Glad your rant felt good. Sometimes these forums are much more effective than counseling, and cheaper, too! I've been in situations similar to yours, on both sides, and it is so frustrating, depressing, and sad. If you didn't have children I'd suggest you and your wife separate and move on with your respective lives, but since you have children it's not that simple. Been there - done that.

The hypnotist show sounds great, but regarding if someone is in the seat next to you? I think you have to leave that up to the Universe and trust that it will happen the way it's supposed to. Very cool that you're seeing him privately.... I have done 2 self-hypnosis sessions online (there is one more in the series) and I think it's really helped me a lot.

Any chance you can find another job that you might hate less? Focus on your children and have patience..... your life WILL get better. You have the power and the control to make it happen.
Sue

[Kevcules]

Thanks Sue.....It did feel good. I totally agree with these forums being counselling!! Most of the things I say here I never said before! Yeah the hypnotist is my last real shot I think. If I can relax , I think I van be hypnotized..... I asked her again to sit with me and she still thinks two married people (different spouses) should risk it. I told her that we're friends if any one sees. Guys hang with girls all the time... If I look down beside me that night and she's not there, I'm afraid it 's good bye! That will just kill me too! :( A guy told me at work that I get too attached.....he's right! lol But when it's love it's love! It just has to go both ways. She does love and care for me , I know that but her actions say different.
I can't change jobs because mine pays pretty good. I just got through back surgery last year and my back isn't fixed yet. What company would want to take me on?? Exactly.....
I always focus on my kids.......but I wonder if Dad can handle this lifestyle any longer. It doesn't look good for me.....heaven isn't too far away. :(
Take Care

[DustingMyselfOff]

Heaven may be getting closer, but it's the HEAVEN ON EARTH that's getting closer . . . . it can and WILL happen! Even if this relationship doesn't work out, there will be others, of that I am certain. You will be happy again one day, you just have to get through this rough spell which is probably making you stronger.

Perhaps you need to try a different med or make some adjustments? Can you go see a different psychiatrist or perhaps talk to your primary care doc about trying something different?

The one thing I have been reminding myself all day today is that I am fortunate to have this affliction because there absolutely are medications that we can take. There are so many diseases and illness that have no cure or hope for the future and we are very fortunate that ours DOES.

Trust me, I have my very low lows, but I always remember that it WILL get better. This is just a temporary setback, and the Universe has great plans for us.... Lord knows this is making us stronger so we can handle anything that gets thrown at us, hopefully things that are leading us towards a better life.
Sue

[Kevcules]

Hey Sue, you're nice to chat with!

On earth is doesn't feel like heaven , but hell. I'm thinking heaven is a far better atmosphere without all the constant struggles that we endure down here. I do realise it "can" get better, but the waiting is torture. Not sure my body can take it much longer. My mind is ruining ,y body and I can't seem to be strong enough to control, even though I do try hard!
I'm thinking my current meds haven't taken their full effect yet and my idiot psychiatrist wants to see me in 3 weeks. I'm not sure if I told you some of the things he did and said to me, but just ask.
That girl that I so adore sent me a reply last night that made me feel like a real ass. She explained to me how she felt quite clearly! :) She doesn't know what the future will being but all she knows is that meeting me, and being with me when we can, is amazing! I almost cried because I'm so emotional these days. Men don't cry though right? :) I sent her a long message back asking for forgiveness for being an ass. I don't think I lost her ,but she must be going through a lot dealing with the likes of me! ha! I do know that there are other girls out there that I would love but this ones a keeper and until she says she doesn't want me in her life, I'm going to be there. I need to enjoy the day and not expect something for the future. If I can do that, I'll be fine!
I never thought I could get so low....I mean thinking about dieing every day is scary but it seemed to be my only option to stop the torture.....I'm thinking different now. :) I hope to get stronger and I hope you're doing well too! Take care Sue!

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hey Sue, you're nice to chat with!

On earth is doesn't feel like heaven , but hell. I'm thinking heaven is a far better atmosphere without all the constant struggles that we endure down here. I do realise it "can" get better, but the waiting is torture. Not sure my body can take it much longer. My mind is ruining ,y body and I can't seem to be strong enough to control, even though I do try hard!
I'm thinking my current meds haven't taken their full effect yet and my idiot psychiatrist wants to see me in 3 weeks. I'm not sure if I told you some of the things he did and said to me, but just ask.
That girl that I so adore sent me a reply last night that made me feel like a real ass. She explained to me how she felt quite clearly! :) She doesn't know what the future will being but all she knows is that meeting me, and being with me when we can, is amazing! I almost cried because I'm so emotional these days. Men don't cry though right? :) I sent her a long message back asking for forgiveness for being an ass. I don't think I lost her ,but she must be going through a lot dealing with the likes of me! ha! I do know that there are other girls out there that I would love but this ones a keeper and until she says she doesn't want me in her life, I'm going to be there. I need to enjoy the day and not expect something for the future. If I can do that, I'll be fine!
I never thought I could get so low....I mean thinking about dieing every day is scary but it seemed to be my only option to stop the torture.....I'm thinking different now. :) I hope to get stronger and I hope you're doing well too! Take care Sue!

I'm glad you're going to try to "enjoy the day" because that's something I've been working on lately and even though I'm finding it very difficult, I think it's a good plan. If I dwell on the past it makes me anxious and depressed and I can't change anything so why bother wasting any thought or emotion on it? And if I think about the future of course I fill it with panic and "what if's?" and start rehearsing all the things that are going to happen in the next few days and OF COURSE when I do that I throw in several panic attacks and uncomfortable events. So I'm trying not to think about anything except the few hours directly in front of me.

And I, too, am hoping that I just need to get through another week or two before my increase in meds kicks in. This is all temporary and it WILL get better. I'm going to keep chanting that, maybe you should, too.

I'm so glad she told you what and how she's feeling. Regardless of how it makes you feel at least you know what you're dealing with and that's so much better than wondering and waiting. Trust the Universe...... it will take you where you're supposed to be, and no, that's not death so let's give up that idea, shall we? :)
Sue

[Kevcules]

Sue.....You give me strength just chatting with you! :) You sound so wise and I understand your words so well.

I'm the same for dwelling on the future, but the past is gone , you can't change it , so it shouldn't matter to you and don't let it! :) The future is the unknown and that scares me....Starting today ,after my dream girl really laid it out for me how she will wait forever, and will walk with me every step of the way, always be there for me and have my back, I have to get my head straightened out. I've never met someone so thoughtful , caring and genuine....she's amazing! :)

I'll start chanting that with you....."this is all temporary and WILL get better" If we can control our minds just a little ,then our bodies will be so much happier! The harmful effects of the mind freaking out is making our bodies do weirs things that it doesn't want to do!

I do believe in destiny Sue.....I just have trouble trusting it in my current mental state. Day by Day is another chant for us! :)

Sue , I'm glad I met you on here, you've helped me and probably many others, thanks for that! I certainly hope you get some comfort here also!

Take Care!