Want a new brain

[Samantha34]

I wish I could just switch my brain with a new one at times. Sometimes my anxiety becomes to much for me to handle and I just want to scream. I told my mom today that I was going to hit myself in the head until I got rid of my anxiety ( I was joking) wish I could though. I remember how easy things were just back in September when I didn't have these thoughts. Wish I could be that way again.

I also wish I could let my family and boyfriend have my thoughts for a day and then they would see how hard everyday really is for me. They tell me that I don't need to wash my hands after touching certain things but they do t understand how hard it is. I try not to wash my hands but I'm not strong enough yet to not wash my hands. They talk about turning the water off and taking the soap and hiding it so that I can't wash my hands. That would not help it would just make everything worse because then I would get so stressed out that I would not be able to wash whatever I think might be on my hands.

I know that I annoy them and stress them out but I'm stressed all day everyday. Only time I get relief is when I'm sleeping. Just want to be myself again.

[jessed03]

Hey Sam!

I'm sorry your feeling this way. I never know what to say when people write these things, as I remember how completely inconsolable I felt during those periods of my life.

People never get it, do they? :)... I remember telling my dad I was really anxious, and needed drugs to help me, he told me "You don't have a job, you have no bills, what can you possibly feel anxious about?"... I guess it's like explaining the taste of chili to a person with no taste buds. You can never know what it's like, and how irrational and unreasonable the condition is, unless you've experienced this.

I'm wondering what happened? The symptoms you have, are usually those of somebody with a life long condition, started very young. Where did the hand washing obsessions, and the other phobias develop from? Did something trigger them? You don't have to tell me, of course, but I am pretty interested!

[andyw]

Good luck sam you can get through this


Stay strong

Andy x

[Samantha34]

I found out that I had OCD back in 9th grade. It wasn't bad I could control it and it wasn't even with hand washing. It was that pictures had to be straight and certain things had to be in a certain place.

In September I got sick. I was eating a slim Jim and all of a sudden on the last piece I felt like it had got caught in my throat. Went to the doctors and they said I had tonsil stones. When I was done with my medication for that and the feeling was still there they said I had mono. After wait a month for that I still had the feeling. Then I'm December it got so bad I stopped eating I was drinking ensures and just drinking things. I went on a liquid diet because I couldn't get over that feeling. Then in December that's when the anxiety started. I didn't tell anyone because I figured I could get trough it without letting anyone know. It got to the point that I ended up telling my family that I had anxiety. I got put on Paxil about two months ago. About a month ago I started really being afraid of chemicals and that's when I started washing my hands. I feel like something is on my hands and there for I can't put them on my mouth or eat anything without washing them or i will die from ingesting whatever may be on my hands that is bad. Two weeks ago I started eating again but I still wash my hands all the time. My hands are dry and cracking open because I can't stop washing my hands.

[Samantha34]

Good luck sam you can get through this

Stay strong

Andy x

Thanks! I'm trying its just hard.

[andyw]

Hi sam,


My email address is on the other thread ref penpals/buddy system.

Feel free to email me at any time for support

[Samantha34]

Hi sam,

My email address is on the other thread ref penpals/buddy system.

Feel free to email me at any time for support

Thanks so is mine so same to you :)

[cabcom]

It a constant uphill journey with an occasional flat grade, but I'm confident we will all make it to the the of the hill. I know its worse for some than others, but that is the beauty of this community. Hang in there Sam. God helped me to kick depressions butt years ago, and I know He will help me overcome anxiety as well. I declare that everyone who reads this will find some measure of freedom from these feelings and thoughts, in Jesus Name.

[Samantha34]

It a constant uphill journey with an occasional flat grade, but I'm confident we will all make it to the the of the hill. I know its worse for some than others, but that is the beauty of this community. Hang in there Sam. God helped me to kick depressions butt years ago, and I know He will help me overcome anxiety as well. I declare that everyone who reads this will find some measure of freedom from these feelings and thoughts, in Jesus Name.

Thank you!!