Afraid of going back to work

[longfacecase]

Such a sad story, I had to quit a job that I was so happy about getting only 2 weeks into it because of a horrible depression/anxiety episode. I was already in the episode when i took the job but I thought I was doing and it wouldn't be a problem (I guess I was wrong) I feel I jumped into going back to work too soon and it backfired..

It's been 3 weeks now since I quit my last job. I'm doing a little better but I'm still not myself and I'm still depressed. I am going through medication changes as well and don't know what's going to happen. Sitting around at home all day everyday is probably not all that good for me as anxiousness and boredom allows too much time to think. But at the same time, when I try to picture myself sitting at a desk and trying to focus on work, I can see myself having a breakdown again, since I just dont really care about much of anything right now, and three weeks ago, when I tried to focus on work, I just got even more depressed and upset because I couldn't get myself to care about it. And my anxiety made me want to keep getting up from my desk, I was crawling out of my skin and couldn't take it.

I have to go back to work though, I have to.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with going back to work?
When do you know you are ready?

[amneasy]

I can see myself having a breakdown again

I know it's hard but you really have to change these negatives thoughts. You're already counting on another defeat before even trying again. You have to hold on and struggle during the first weeks of work and then these feelings will fade away. Your brain is sensitive to the thought of working, if you force yourself to keep doing it without giving up your brain will eventually adapt.

[Lin]

I returned to work yesterday after 10 weeks off and returned to work in Dec 2012 after 5 months off. I find the real problem is you get so tired and learning to concentrate again. But often think the worry of being off work is worse than just going back and get on with it. Had long phase in time last time but hated going home early and seeing someone else do my job, this time gone straight back to job but having 30 mins break in morning, lunch hour and then 30 mins in afternoon break. Felt a pain stopping and having a break yesterday but felt OK today - even fell asleep at lunchtime in the staffroom reading a magazine!

[NixonRulz]

I had similar issues with work after my major bout with anxiety. Fortunately I was at a firm where I wasn't expected to be in the office very often.

That allowed me to be home At my discretion so no one knew I was going through anything

I often felt the same and couldn't focus on work. I would end up learning more about anxiety on the Internet instead of working

It helped a lot to learn about it

Now that I am over it, I still just look at the Internet at work

When I healed my anxiety I think I got a laziness disorder.

I am yet to do anything to fix that one. : )

[longfacecase]

yes, you are right, I am anticipating failure before I have even tried. I guess I need to just stop expecting doom all the time.

[missmello]

I just started going back to work this past week. A lot of my shifts are per diem, and I've been getting a lot of calls to come in, and I keep saying yes even though I really don't want to go in because I feel kinda crappy and just scared. Today I worked 9 and a half hours, and halfway in my shift I started getting my anxiety symptoms (nausea, nervousness, weakness, afraid of losing control, etc...). I even took half of a klonopin before work, maybe I should have taken a whole pill, but whatever.. I'm kinda nervous going into work tomorrow.. I thought I was ready too, but maybe I'm not. I don't know. After this week I'm gonna cut back on the shifts because I can feel myself getting bad again, and the opportunities are too good to lose. I know exactly how you feel it is extremely difficult.

[smurfychris]

yes, you are right, I am anticipating failure before I have even tried. I guess I need to just stop expecting doom all the time.

This is exactly what I'm doing as well, almost ready to take the plunge and get back into work(can't wait), hope it all works out for ya!

[Lin]

Missmello - so easy to get into trap of working too much and hard and it just makes us worse. Got to learn to just do enough to keep job going and try enjoy it, and then leave it behind at end of day. It really is true what people say, we are often only a number and have to look after our health first. After enjoying my job for 12 years under old boss, new boss making me have whole new perspective.