manz82
05-13-2013, 12:11 PM
Hi all. Hope everyone's doing well.
Just thought I'd share my day and let you all know how happy I am to have got through it!
I started a new job today - working in my mums Cosmetics shop. Very busy place with lots of people, which I get very uncomfortable with.
I haven't worked for three years, since this whole panic bullshit started, so to say I was nervous is an understatement!
Anyway, I woke up this morning to a racing heart, stomach churning, upset belly, shaking. Oh, it was fun!
So I took the kids to school (which I also have to force myself to do as I am so scared of driving) then I drove the two miles to work.
My legs were weak, I felt light headed and floaty and somewhere in my mind there was a voice screaming,'Go home, it's safe there!'
I didn't - I walked as calmly as I could into the shopping complex, opened up the shop and immediately busied myself with setting everything up.
I had several moments of panic rushes and head zaps but before I knew it, my shift was over and it was time to go to school to pick the kids up.
So, I drove as calmly as I could, and I had a racing heart because it was rush hour and the traffic was bad - I picked my kids up, went home and prepared tea. I then went out for the food shop with my husband (still can't face the supermarket on my own!) and I certainly felt horrid walking around there, but I persevered. And now, after all that I'm home and relaxing in a nice hot bath. The butterflies in my stomach are just about subsiding, my heart is beating a lot slower than it has been all day and I'm tired, but in a good way - a way that makes me feel I have had a constructive day, rather than those stagnant days where you sit around and worry yourself sick about the anxiety and all its symptoms, until you're mentally exhausted! (I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about)
And do you know what? I realised something - for too long I've been using avoidance techniques to stop me feeling all the uncomfortable symptoms of anxiety and panic because I thought they would either make me really ill or kill me, but I was going out of my mind with worry and boredom anyway!
Today, I bet my heart beat waaayyy too fast at times, and I'd hazard a guess that my blood pressure wasn't too clever, but so what?!
At least I got out and lived!
And if it does kill me, atleast I won't be trapped indoors on the sofa, a quivering wreck!
At least I died trying!
At least I never gave up!
Just thought I'd share my day and let you all know how happy I am to have got through it!
I started a new job today - working in my mums Cosmetics shop. Very busy place with lots of people, which I get very uncomfortable with.
I haven't worked for three years, since this whole panic bullshit started, so to say I was nervous is an understatement!
Anyway, I woke up this morning to a racing heart, stomach churning, upset belly, shaking. Oh, it was fun!
So I took the kids to school (which I also have to force myself to do as I am so scared of driving) then I drove the two miles to work.
My legs were weak, I felt light headed and floaty and somewhere in my mind there was a voice screaming,'Go home, it's safe there!'
I didn't - I walked as calmly as I could into the shopping complex, opened up the shop and immediately busied myself with setting everything up.
I had several moments of panic rushes and head zaps but before I knew it, my shift was over and it was time to go to school to pick the kids up.
So, I drove as calmly as I could, and I had a racing heart because it was rush hour and the traffic was bad - I picked my kids up, went home and prepared tea. I then went out for the food shop with my husband (still can't face the supermarket on my own!) and I certainly felt horrid walking around there, but I persevered. And now, after all that I'm home and relaxing in a nice hot bath. The butterflies in my stomach are just about subsiding, my heart is beating a lot slower than it has been all day and I'm tired, but in a good way - a way that makes me feel I have had a constructive day, rather than those stagnant days where you sit around and worry yourself sick about the anxiety and all its symptoms, until you're mentally exhausted! (I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about)
And do you know what? I realised something - for too long I've been using avoidance techniques to stop me feeling all the uncomfortable symptoms of anxiety and panic because I thought they would either make me really ill or kill me, but I was going out of my mind with worry and boredom anyway!
Today, I bet my heart beat waaayyy too fast at times, and I'd hazard a guess that my blood pressure wasn't too clever, but so what?!
At least I got out and lived!
And if it does kill me, atleast I won't be trapped indoors on the sofa, a quivering wreck!
At least I died trying!
At least I never gave up!