Could my mother play a big part in my SA?

[amberlove833]

My mom is good at telling me that ill never be anything in life, and she's always bringing me down, and she never there for me. Im 17 , and the legal age of moving out on the state of Georgia. I've mentioned it a few times, and every time I do she tells me all the things she's going to do if I leave like cut my phone off, cut me off the Heath care, stop paying for my braces, etc. She's probably the most money hungry woman I've ever met. She goes out with different guys every night just because they take her out to nice restaurants and they take her out of town. But she won't date any of them. It's gross. I really just wanna get out of here. My anxiety levels have been sky high lately, and I know it's been because of her. All the pressure is always put on me. And I've gotten to the point where I feel like I can't go on anymore. I know I shouldn't let one person bring me down this hard, but when you live under their roof, it's kinda difficult to ignore them. I'm just not happy here, and I really don't feel like waiting another year to move out. Could my mother be the reason for my anxiety problems, and being scared of people?

[NixonRulz]

Your story is bullshit

How the hell can a parent do that to their child?

I don't know what caused your anxiety to start but I could see the way she is to you causing it

If you have a safe and good place to go, no one would blame you for bailing from where you are.

How can you heal when someone is so negative?

Do whatever you can to be in a better place in your mind.

And for the record, I think you will amount to a whole lot of good things in your life.

[anxiousinatlanta]

I recommend going to see a therapist. They deal with problems like ours all the time and I'm sure they would have great advice.

[Judie]

Amberlove833, I too recommend a therapist. If what you say is the truth and I have no reason to doubt you then of course continuous belittling can destroy yourself esteem causing anxiety. However At your age itIs typical and necessary for a mother and daughter to emotionally separate in order for the child to be able to leave the nest, whether that be college,your own apartment whatever. This is typically a very trying time for both the parent and child.Typically you see this between the ages of 16-19 and the child usually emerges with a better understanding of a parents motive ( rules, attitude, fights etc...) This continuous arguing is very hard on the parent and the child. Temporarily love becomes hate and it often breaks a parent's heart but it is so necessary in order for the teen to leave the parent. Now, I have no idea if this is what is going on but I do know it went on between my mother and Me and my own daughter and myself. Both of these relationships were extremely close so you can imagine how difficult these years were for both sides. During these years some very nasty verbal exchanges can take place and are often misunderstood by the otherside. For instance a " you are never going to amount to anything in life" is actually a " with an attitude like that you aren't going to amount to much" which in reality is a parent's attempt to show disapproval and concern for a bad attitude BUT can certainly be interpreted as mean and belittling especially in this emotional phase you are both going through. I have a question for you Were your mother and you close at one point ? I ask this only because this time in your life is a tough one, half of you wants to leave , the other help wants to stay". I remember when I was 17 I constantly told my mother I can't wait to get out of here. Well when I turned 18 my mother put in my birthday card well you're 18 now do you really want to go ? I did not. It was such a time of turmoil for me, for my daughter as well. It's as if you resent your mother because you don't want to separate. I want you to think about this but I also want you to know that I support you in whatever you say is the truth. If this has always been your relationship and she is in fact abusive you need to get some help with a good therapist. She may just be panicking at the thought of you leaving. She pays for your braces, healthcare and phone ? She doesn't have to pay for braces or a phone, she is under legal obligation to pay healthcare so she must love you and threatening you to keep you there says to me she doesn't want you to go. Your anxiety may be surfacing due to " separation" a common reason for anxiety. The key question and this is an important one Were you and your mother close at one point up until the last couple of years or was she always abusive ? Be safe , be well. Do not feel for a minute that you are alone, you are not. Your age is a very tough but it passes quickly I promise. Keep talking on the Forum and we will get a better idea of what exactly is going on ok .

[Judie]

Also Amberlove833 you will be happy again, this is ONLY TEMPORARY, Do you have a boyfriend, good friends to talk to? Are you interested in going to college or just working and getting your own place. Try not to come down on yourself. If your mother is abusive and the above separation issue doesn't apply to you then you need to begin to realize that abusive people are abusive because they don't like themselves, it isn't about you. Keep talking Ok. I have lots of people I talk to in your age bracket. My daughter is 22. Truly I do get where you are ok

[amberlove833]

Thank you so much everyone! Especially Judie. And yes, we were close at one time. But lately it's been horrible. She's gotten to the point where she refuses to provide for me now. My dad has to buy me my own groceries to put in the house because she gets angry when I eat groceries she purchases. She never wants to spend time with me. I'm always at home babysitting and cleaning. Sometimes I feel that's all I'm really there for, and that's another thing, I don't think she wants me to leave because then she won't have anyone to watch my sister. She's 8 but cannot stay home alone legally until 10, and yes I have a boyfriend and he very much wants me to move out. He knows how my mother is, because she isn't afraid to show her true colors no matter who it is. And friends? Nah, none of those. That's where the social anxiety steps in. My boyfriend is my only friend. Sad to say.