belledandy
05-10-2013, 06:05 PM
Hello all,
Over the years I've been battling depression/anxiety for awhile. I think my level of anxiety isn't probably as strong, but it's there and it effects my life. A few people may call it just the blues, or life's ups and downs. This may be true ...
But I'm having trouble with my life. My motivation was strong a few years ago, until I thought it would be awesome to travel across into another state for schooling. Schooling that was a private college, with hermit students. Nothing wrong with introverted/"hermits". In fact, I am 100% one. It's just, I wonder if I would've been surrounded by people who were comfortable in social situations, it would have rubbed off on me.
My anxiety kicked in when I went to my private school. I felt alone, isolated, and my esteem in my work crumbled. I was going for the arts in college.
Then I stopped going to class and then got kicked out of school. A lot of people would say, "how come you didn't seek help" .. and to this day, when I look back I think I felt stuck. No other reason, maybe my obsession over my relationship ...
I was in a relationship that wasn't good for me either at the time ... then after I got kicked out, I moved in with him which ... for years my decision caused me years of being irrelevant.
Now I'm back in my home state, looking for employment, deciding what I should do with my life, and where to start. I literally have no cash. I am on the edge of breaking down all the time. I feel unworthy, and just stupid. I feel lost, confused, happy and crappy all at the same time. I am in my mid 20s so that does not help. It also, I have to fund my life again. I am not sure if this is pure whining, or am I being a big baby.
I just wish I would've not went to school so far away, and that I wish I would have concentrated on my schooling. Now I'm just ... unprepared with life.
I suppose I have a back story as to why I am lacking goals, and just plan confused. Oh, yeah and I'm just regretting my life on loop for hours, which I cannot stop.
I just needed to get this off my chest, and probably other little snip ts on the forums. I'm thinking of seeking counseling to help me shape up my pattern thinking, and get me on the right track.
I know I think I should be lucky, that I have what I have. It's not hard to think that I am lucky in some aspects, and I do take responsibility in my actions/decisions. I just wish I was more prepared and less anxiety.
Thank you.
Over the years I've been battling depression/anxiety for awhile. I think my level of anxiety isn't probably as strong, but it's there and it effects my life. A few people may call it just the blues, or life's ups and downs. This may be true ...
But I'm having trouble with my life. My motivation was strong a few years ago, until I thought it would be awesome to travel across into another state for schooling. Schooling that was a private college, with hermit students. Nothing wrong with introverted/"hermits". In fact, I am 100% one. It's just, I wonder if I would've been surrounded by people who were comfortable in social situations, it would have rubbed off on me.
My anxiety kicked in when I went to my private school. I felt alone, isolated, and my esteem in my work crumbled. I was going for the arts in college.
Then I stopped going to class and then got kicked out of school. A lot of people would say, "how come you didn't seek help" .. and to this day, when I look back I think I felt stuck. No other reason, maybe my obsession over my relationship ...
I was in a relationship that wasn't good for me either at the time ... then after I got kicked out, I moved in with him which ... for years my decision caused me years of being irrelevant.
Now I'm back in my home state, looking for employment, deciding what I should do with my life, and where to start. I literally have no cash. I am on the edge of breaking down all the time. I feel unworthy, and just stupid. I feel lost, confused, happy and crappy all at the same time. I am in my mid 20s so that does not help. It also, I have to fund my life again. I am not sure if this is pure whining, or am I being a big baby.
I just wish I would've not went to school so far away, and that I wish I would have concentrated on my schooling. Now I'm just ... unprepared with life.
I suppose I have a back story as to why I am lacking goals, and just plan confused. Oh, yeah and I'm just regretting my life on loop for hours, which I cannot stop.
I just needed to get this off my chest, and probably other little snip ts on the forums. I'm thinking of seeking counseling to help me shape up my pattern thinking, and get me on the right track.
I know I think I should be lucky, that I have what I have. It's not hard to think that I am lucky in some aspects, and I do take responsibility in my actions/decisions. I just wish I was more prepared and less anxiety.
Thank you.