So,

[mxxx]

So, here am I ,finally...
I'm not so sure what I'm doing here. I just know that its bad and I need help.
It's been a while. Since everything happened. Et ca va faire bientot deux ans.. Like the song. It's been two years already.
Currently I'm on several medications. And it's been better since but still it's no where near being O.K.
Suffering both from anxiety and depression. I suspect that my doc suspects that I have schizophrenia. Funny isn't it? My doc doesn't reveal the truth to me about my condition no matter what I do. It's probably because part of my anxiety is obsessing with diseases I don't have but the thing is I'm not that scared of any psychiatric conditions I wish he would just tell me already.
I've been suicidal at some point during these two years I was on the edge, now I am a bit further away only a bit.
And to make matters worse I have this actual medical condition that currently is affecting my left eye irreversibly - short story for now I have almost completely lost vision in one eye. To prevent the vision loss I'm on medication that's made me fat and bloated, my skin is a mess, I have night sweats and the list goes on and all in all it's not helping. Doctors are doing their best but sometimes best is not enough i guess.
I don't even know what to say. The only thing I know is that I need help because nothing is truly helping. I am always afraid and I have no one to talk to. I have panic attacks. I can't sit still. I pray to God every day to help me, but I don't know maybe God wants me to suffer it's not meant for simple human minds to comprehend the Gods plan. And yes I am religious and I don't have hope and I know it's a sin but I can't help it.
Please just someone speak to me.
Crying has become a habit but all of this doesn't matter really, does it?.
It's not that I truly want to die I am afraid of it as we all are, but I often think it would be better not to have been born at all. And I don't want it to be true at the same time. I need help.

[Hope43]

I can relate to u in many levels. I had tried many medications to deal with my depression/anxiety. I'm currently taking cymbalta and its helping. I went trough quimoterapia 6 yrs ago and the stress plus the steroids make gain a lot of weight, like u I had night sweats and hot flashes. It was very frustrating. Afterwards I took another med that make it impossible to lose the weight and hot flashes continued. We all are here b/c we can find people we can relate to a listen to use without judgment. We don't feel alone. I believe in God but now I understand that he knows I'm a human being and I can lose hope or have doubts. Don't feel guilty thinking that because you feel this way and hopeless you are a sinner, that is not true. I used to feel guilty too, not any more. We are in this world and we all go through different experiences, pain, troubles. I think things happen because we live in an imperfect world. I hope u can find a way to feel better inside and u can also cope with ur other health issues.

[Lin]

I am so sorry you are having such a terrible time. My depression this time has lasted for two years and several times I have been close to giving in and trying to find peace, but I get told that I will ruin my husband and son's lives and that I don't know for certain I will find peace so have not gone through with it. In hospital in 2011 I got really close when found someone else who was suicidal and he told me he had found a way in hospital to do it, and I even asked if we could do it together. Then he mentioned mercy killings, and eventually I realised that he was a lot different to me and his depression was different. So in the end I told the nurses I no longer felt safe there because he had told me there was a way I could do it there and they had to help me, and in the end he got moved somewhere else. So that was the closest, and since that several times at home too.
My husband gets blaze about it and thinks I won't do it, but he was shocked when I had a knee operation in December 2012 and refused to wake up because wanted to die and see my mum and dad. He realised then that my subconscious really wanted it too and I did mean it. So he was really good to me for a while and realised I needed complete head rest.
But now he is back again being fed up with my depression and lost all compassion again!
Crying is a good release, I also scream and shout. But have now been on courses to learn techniques not to react so quickly and violently, but just can't put them into action because I flip too quickly, so this term going to do a course on emotion management which teaches you to step back when something happens to allow yourself head space so that you use your techniques and do not react so quickly.
I try everything anyone mentions to me, just in case anything helps me even just a little bit.
I also now do buddhist and christian meditation each week because the psychiatrist recommended it - that is really good for relaxing you, if you feel you could give something a try. It doesn't have to be done in a group although better in a group, but you can do it yourself and just sit quietly and concentrate on your breath for a few minutes each day building up the time. You let any thoughts just past through your head and concentrate on your nice calm deep breathing. Just in case you have not tried it and it might help you.

[mxxx]

I'm so relieved that I'm not alone. It gets so frustrating when nobody seems to support you because everybody is just fed up with you and with your problems, everyone just wants to get on with their lives. This is how I lost all my friends. Even my best one. It happened when I told her that I'm suicidal. She just told me I needed to get some perspective and since then we've met only once even though we used to hang out almost every day. She started avoiding me. I haven't been able to make any new firends as well. I'm in college, still living with my family, they don't understad me I wish they did. And these should be the best years in my life. I often feel cheated.
I've tried many things but everything helps only till it doesn't and I'm running out of ideas. I know it would be best to find a group of people to meditate together with or something simmilar but I'm afraid they wouldn't understand. I tried doing it at home alone and it really helps during panic attacks but not so much on relieving general feeling. I'm just scared, actually terrified and I don't even know what is this thing I'm running from. But I'm so glad there are people here that hear me out and understand it helps. Thank you

[hedgiemommy]

You're not alone.

I'm Asian American and my family just does not get it. When I first started to get counseling, my mom said I was doing it because I wanted attention. I stopped counseling for years.

Now I'm in grad school and I'm trying to help myself while still trying to work and do research... It so overwhelming that I took it upon myself to get help. When the counselor suggested I get on meds, I started to talk to my family about it. A lot of the initial responses are: it's a phase; you're fine; don't get meds; get a second opinion.

The only person I feel entirely comfortable with is my boyfriend but since I'm relying on him so much, I feel like I'm ruining his life. I constantly want to push him away because I hate that I'm making him go through this with me... But after I push him away, I feel so depressed and alone.

I was having a mental breakdown/episode last night and he got stern and said "I'm not doing this over the phone, I'm not doing this tonight, it's my only night off I need it so I'm hanging up." 98% of the time, he's so loving and patient but then he has times where he's stressed and I get super depressed.

Ever since our phone conversation, I can't stop thinking about dying.

I hate making those I love fight my battles with me but how do we get better without their support?

[shaikhrahuf]

Hi guys..
While typing this am into anxiety phase, morning was good untill the dawn my mood suddenly changed and nw am depressed, concentrating on breathing is really helpful, even people suggest its a bad phase and passout, i am suffering with this phase since 2 yrs now, i am on clonozap and also doing breathing and calming excercises, even hit the gym for my instant weight gain due to meds.. i am a muslim guy frm mumbai, i truly believe in my almighty Allah that today or tomorrow there will be light at the end of this tunnel, keep up d hope and helping self, better way to overcome, i am on peak of anxiety right now thoughts are pissing me off am shaking but also making myself understand that nothing will happen, it will vanish in sometime.. good luck..

[anxiousinatlanta]

It's so easy for someone else to say stop crying, relax, you're fine, everything's ok. But when that person doesn't know what anxiety feels like it makes it so frustrating. I have anxiety and I absolutely hate when people tell me to calm down. It's so hard living this way, luckily I caught it quick and changed medicines and therapists and I am already doing ten times better. Life is starting to feel good again. Just know if you keep fighting the anxiety, things will get better. God only gives his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers. Always remember that anxiety can only win if you give up, so never give up!

[shaikhrahuf]

It's so easy for someone else to say stop crying, relax, you're fine, everything's ok. But when that person doesn't know what anxiety feels like it makes it so frustrating. I have anxiety and I absolutely hate when people tell me to calm down. It's so hard living this way, luckily I caught it quick and changed medicines and therapists and I am already doing ten times better. Life is starting to feel good again. Just know if you keep fighting the anxiety, things will get better. God only gives his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers. Always remember that anxiety can only win if you give up, so never give up!

I am also an anxiety suffererand calming down is necessary, u cant run outta house and scream like hell, anxiety can b fought with self esteem and with support, inspirational quotes provided by u are also a part of fighting against anxiety, never give up is d best med

[Lin]

People who say stupid things like just calm down, or go on holiday, just don't understand and can never have had depression or anxiety. Anyone who has had either knows how difficult it is to overcome.
My family are useless at helping me so I keep away from them when I am bad because they just make me feel worse.
Some friends I keep in touch by just quick texts or e-mails because I know they cannot put up with the suicidal me and it will ruin our friendship for the future when I feel better. Whereas some friends who have had depression understand and let me talk about how badly wrong my head is and that is really good.
I am starting a peer support group in the evenings next week for people who work or go to college and can't go to the daytime one where I live. Talking to other people is one of the best medicines you can have for it and I have missed having people to talk to since finished a NHS course where could talk to people. So my new peer support group is going to replace that group of people with another group of people which I hope to find helpful for all of us who go and widen my number of friends I can be honest with.

[scared44]

The only people that understand anxiety, depression ect are the one's that have gone through it themselves! I've been suffering from panic attacks, social phobia, gad and a food phobia from the age of 12yrs old and am now 45yrs. In that time I have NEVER met anyone that understands what I have to live with everyday. My family are so UNSUPPORTIVE after all these yrs? They think I'm just a weak person who can't cope with anything (go figure hey)! Anyway if you ever need to vent ect pls PM me as I truly understand your pain. Take Care..... (hugs to you) xx