I've become my worst nightmare.

[redsoccer12]

There's nothing worse than knowing you're wrong and not being able to do a thing about it.

[Lin]

How do you mean wrong? Wrong in something you have done and can't undo? Or wrong as in wrong in way head is feeling???

[redsoccer12]

I mean when I get freaked out with thoughts of people being untrue and let those thoughts ruin my every minute. There isn't an opportunity for my bf to be untrue yet I'm obsessed with it. I know I'm wrong but I find I can't control the doubt. And it takes its toll on both of us.

[Lin]

I call this my paranoia - when I think something about someone and don't know whether it is true or not but I can't get rid of the worry of it.
I replay conversations and texts and meetings in my head for weeks to see where things have gone wrong with people and try to work out why someone is acting differently with me, or at least I think they are.
Eventually, I usually end up asking a good friend who knows me and the other person and see what they think, and I have to make myself believe what they think - so if they say there is no problem and it is in my head then I have to accept that and move on.
If I can accept it and move on, I then have to make some approach to the person I thought there was a problem with, something small, and make sure that their reaction is OK to reinforce in my head that it was just my paranoia and my friend was right.
I can make up all sorts in my head just by someone's comment or action in front of me, but I always then have to sort it out in my brain, usually get affirmation from a friend, then make small contact with person and then can lay the paranoia to bed.
And usually wait for the next thing to worry me.
I think this is not only because we are depressed etc, some people are natural worriers and if you are one of these, when you are depressed it becomes more intense and difficult to handle and manifests itself more often.
So don't worry you are not alone, and it is just learning how to handle your own paranoia so that you can lay that worry and paranoia to one side, so that you can then handle the next one that comes along!

[Alex010096]

I have a ton of paranoia in social settings. If someone is in a bad mood and acting like it, I assume they are mad at me. If I say something foolish in conversation, I assume the person spending time with me thinks I'm stupid or something.
In order for me to move past these ideas, I have to let myself see that it is not important what they think. I have to break through the circling thoughts in my head. It's harder when I'm dating someone. I constantly need to know that they care about me, etc.
There is nothing wrong with having needs to hear that your boyfriend loves you and is faithful to you. Maybe you should let him know how you feel and that you need to be treated with extra sensitivity while you're coping with these feelings.

[NixonRulz]

Just out of curiosity, has he been unfaithful in the past or was a former boyfriend unfaithful?

[redsoccer12]

He has never been unfaithful. But I think that because of my past (abused, cheated on) I just doubt every mans integrity. When men say 'all men cheat' then they have created doubt in every woman and our hope of love. I know it sounds stereotypical....and it is.

[NixonRulz]

He has never been unfaithful. But I think that because of my past (abused, cheated on) I just doubt every mans integrity. When men say 'all men cheat' then they have created doubt in every woman and our hope of love. I know it sounds stereotypical....and it is.

I understand completely.

Women cheat on their man almost as often these days

I had girlfriends that I screwed around on. Pretty guiltless actually

I don't think it ever seemed so wrong since in the back of my mind I knew they weren't " the one."

Met my bride 14 years ago and the thought has never crossed my mind

Don't get me wrong, I see pretty women and think that they are beautiful all the time.

And if I was single I'd put my great skills to work on them and they surely couldn't resist. : )

To me, my wife is the best of them all. I wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize what we have.

Now if I could get her to break up with her boyfriend and see the same thing, we would be perfect.

Trust is tough to earn. Don't allow your insecurities to build a wall that he can't get over.

[redsoccer12]

Thanks. I have been really trying to get past my paranoia. It's completely debilitating at times. I just pray that my man respects me and loves me enough to not mess around. That's the risk when we love. And good luck with her boyfriend? That's a tough one.

[redsoccer12]

I screwed up. And I knew it. My paranoia and m y anxiety were too much to handle. I logged on to his cell phone bill and scrolled his texts. Then after finding out who he text asked him if he text any women. He swore on my life he didn't. But he lied. :( no relationship can survive my doubt. :( I am horrible.

[NixonRulz]

I don't know the history between you and him but maybe you had reason to be distrusting of him

Because it sounds that your concerns were confirmed

So if you found things out that you would want to know, how does that make you horrible for checking?

Trust yet verify.

[redsoccer12]

And the part that kills me the most is swearing on my life!!!!!..... He confirmed my lack of value. Now the demons seep back into my stomach and doubt and fear have taken over. Which makes keeping a level head difficult. I want him to stay I want him to go. I love him I hate him. :( typical chic huh?

[NixonRulz]

Typical human actually

Who wants someone to betray their trust?

Good that you know.

You look very pretty. Unless you have the personality of a rock, I would suggest its his loss

My hope for you is that you will have the good fortune of meeting someone perfect in every way like me in the near future. : )

[redsoccer12]

Thanks. But I think this is my last dance.

[Judie]

Redsoccer12, Trust is fragile, once broken like shattered glass, very hard to get it back the way it once was. You can piece it together with time and effort but there's always those little crevices that allow doubt to come through. Ok enough of my analogies. Here we go. My husband was cheated on by his first wife and I was verbally abused by an alcoholic sibling. Why didn't I walk away? I guess because he was my bother and I loved him so I believed his BS. Anyway I told my husband the other night "I have trust issues, I have a hard time really trusting people, do you after your ex wife". He matter of factly said "of course".( we are opposites and it makes for a good balance, he is a black and white type and I am many different shades of colors lol) I said , do you trust me ? and he replied "of course I trust you", that made me laugh because he answered that so easily but I trust him as well so ? I think once trust has been broken by someone you love, it takes time to rebuild that with another person. There's hope though. Broken trust issues are a result of verbal abuse creating low self esteem and doubt in our own value as a person and of course the unfaithful partner. I do have a pet peeve with this, people grow apart and inevitably a relationship may be doomed BUT for god's sake get out of the relationship before not after you make "that move". People survive losing love , they don't always survive humiliation. Someone hurt you along the way, deeply redsoccer12.you can see that. Value yourself more, work on that or you just may attract the very people you don't want. It isn't that you are turning these people into liars and cheats that's what you are seeking out. Probably because as we all do ( especially abused children) we attempt to win over the abusers, if we could just get them to love us, then everything would be ok ? No, abusers prey on the weak, they need you and because you have fallen so low you need ( think you need ) them as well to validate that you matter. Definitely not so. the mind is extremely powerful, it will continue to put you into precarious positions until you learn ( so goes the Anxiety Attack) Ok first build your self esteem and second have a little mercy on the good guys out there ( and there are plenty ) because after all they aren't the reason this is happening. If it keeps happening, there is only one place to look and that's at you. Not because are turning people into bad people but you may just be trying to relive a wrong to make it right and that isn't going to happen, be well. Get the right guy, the trust will come easy.

[Judie]

NixonRulz is right. ( and that comes from a player no less lol)
The right guy is out there. Trust me ( Irony in that ) You'll be fine