rationalfears
05-08-2013, 10:09 AM
I am 31, and have only recently realized that I may suffer from some real anxiety problems.
Like many of you probably did, I had a highly stressful childhood, and I'm sure that made me a pretty reactive adult. For years I've been following my "gut," and only pursuing goals that felt good to me. That philosophy led me to have an exciting and rewarding 20s, but now I am starting to wonder how it has hurt me.
Two days ago, I turned down a graduate program (Masters in Occupational Therapy) because it was going to cost $130,000 in loan debt with a very high interest rate. I spent months trying to talk myself into it, telling myself that plenty of others have gone through the same thing and are doing okay, that there are options for people with such high debt. But I couldn't get better.
Every morning, I woke up feeling as though my life was a nightmare. I felt real terror throughout every day. I cried every couple of hours, and felt as though I were constantly about to throw up. When I made the decision to withdraw from the program, it got a little better. Now I no longer feel like I am definitely going to die, but I still cry every day, and I still feel sick to my stomach. I am having trouble sleeping. I am worried that I didn't make the right decision, that I let me anxiety get the better of me. I am worried that I no longer have a concrete plan. I know it has only been two days, and it probably takes significantly longer to get over such constant and intense panic, but I am worried that I have a bigger problem than I thought.
I joined this forum for information and support, and to support others. I hope to learn to tell the difference between which gut feelings I should listen to, and which are irrational. At the moment, I feel lost and very scared, but this forum makes me feel like there is a little hope.
Like many of you probably did, I had a highly stressful childhood, and I'm sure that made me a pretty reactive adult. For years I've been following my "gut," and only pursuing goals that felt good to me. That philosophy led me to have an exciting and rewarding 20s, but now I am starting to wonder how it has hurt me.
Two days ago, I turned down a graduate program (Masters in Occupational Therapy) because it was going to cost $130,000 in loan debt with a very high interest rate. I spent months trying to talk myself into it, telling myself that plenty of others have gone through the same thing and are doing okay, that there are options for people with such high debt. But I couldn't get better.
Every morning, I woke up feeling as though my life was a nightmare. I felt real terror throughout every day. I cried every couple of hours, and felt as though I were constantly about to throw up. When I made the decision to withdraw from the program, it got a little better. Now I no longer feel like I am definitely going to die, but I still cry every day, and I still feel sick to my stomach. I am having trouble sleeping. I am worried that I didn't make the right decision, that I let me anxiety get the better of me. I am worried that I no longer have a concrete plan. I know it has only been two days, and it probably takes significantly longer to get over such constant and intense panic, but I am worried that I have a bigger problem than I thought.
I joined this forum for information and support, and to support others. I hope to learn to tell the difference between which gut feelings I should listen to, and which are irrational. At the moment, I feel lost and very scared, but this forum makes me feel like there is a little hope.