I am new, suffering with agoraphobia.

[Jingy33]

I am 33, female, living in the UK. I am married to a wonderful man, and we have 3 lovely children (10, 9 and 7).

Last year I lost my grandmother suddenly, I found watching her pass away very difficult (I am crying now and it has been 10 months). Then 2 months later my brother attacked me. He accused me of reporting him to Social Services, I didn't, but he harrassed me all year accusing me, then in September he followed me, i ran into the police station and he came in after me, cornered me, raised his fist and screamed and shouted at me. All very traumatic and I have since been diagnosed with post traumatic stress. A couple of months later I noticed I was struggling to go out, panic attacks in shops and a constant anxious feeling at home. I have now been diagnosed with agoraphobia and panic disorder because of what he did to me.

I can go out to about 3 small places, but even in those places my heart starts racing, i shake, feels faint...... I have to park my car close to everywhere I go. I can't do normal things go to supermarkets for food, my childrens school parents evenings, I can't take my children to doctor appointments, hospital appointments..... I can take the children to school, go to small shops, go for a drive in my car, but that is about it. Life is hard, and I feel like the worst mother ever because I can't take my children on days out, holidays..... They are happy, and fully understand why I can't but it is horrible not being the person I was before all of this.

My GP has given me medication, but I had some medication in january, it caused my heart to race so of course I am frightened of medication so for the last 4 weeks the box has stayed unopened. I spoke to my GP today, he said it is good I am now getting counselling but the medication will help, as I feel in a constant state of anxiety, and it even happens now at home in what I call my safe place:-( that to me is soul destroying. I know my GP is right and I need to be brave and start them but I am too scared. He has given me Mirtazapine 15mg.

I love my children, I keep going for them but this is all getting me down now and I fear I am starting with depression. I cry alot, and I am alone all day feeling scared. I am light headed and anxious all day, I fear I will faint.

I live only 10 minutes from my brother so I guess that doesn't help my anxiety. I cut him off 7-8 months ago, I refuse to see him. He wanted to apologise but I refused. I have a very strained relationship with my family since, my 2 sisters are distant with me, they took his side, basically accusing me too. My mum although she says she feels for me, she also feels for my brother as he has some serious mental health problems, they think it is a personality disorder and serious anger issues. He has hurt his children, partner, self harms, trashes his house, hit his dog..... many things that are frightening and I have always kept my distance, so of course to them this makes me look guilty because I stay away. The reason I stay away is because before he attacked me, he one day came to our house, he hit my husband when he asked him to please go away from our house, pulled down our front wall, threatened to smash my car up and then terrified my son telling him to F off with a very scary face, it was like he was possessed. My son has had serious anxiety issues since that day. My Mum has always covered for him and she still does, blames his illness and she isn't close with me anymore because I won't forgive him.

Long story, so I am sorry for such a long post. If anyone can offer me some advice that would be great. I hope to get talking to some of you soon:-)

[Fight the stress]

Focus only on the good things in life! :)

[hippysilverware]

Well... the silver lining is that you're here, maybe this is a place that can help. It gets worse the longer you put it off, but do you think with your husband and children you might be able to extend the amount of places you go to? Don't let this get the best of you, you can definitely go back to who you were! Just take it one step at a time.

I'm sorry to here that your family is so distant from you. Don't you think it might help you a little though? To see your brother (while your family is there of course) who cause all these problems in the first place? Maybe it'll quell some of your fears, even clear up this misunderstanding. I hope things get better for you soon... but at least you have your husband and children to help you too!

[Smokewater]

Howdy, friend!

I've realized something about panic. It's a very general emotion to feel in almost every situation. When you're out in public, the panic attack comes on strong because you allow it to. There are many instances in which I wasn't in a situation where I should panic, however I'd have to retreat to a restroom to splash some water on my face and calm myself. My adrenaline would race, my heart would kick up, and the thought of dropping dead in front of everyone would worry me senseless. Something else I've found with panic. It's easy to defeat when you're active and place your thoughts on something else. Sometimes, maybe try to not make a plan. Just go outside, walk about. Enjoy the day and immerse yourself in it. The thought will crop up that you're going to panic, it never just fades with time. The "maybes" and the "what if's" will come a'callin' and you'll have the urge to fight them so hard that it cripples you. But you don't want to allow the thoughts to even breath your air.

I'm sorry to hear about your brother's state of affairs. Even more so to hear about your grandmother's passing. However, your brother isn't there all the time. It's not your duty to solve his problems. If your mother feels the need to cover for him, then she can be the one to get him the help he needs. You need to focus on you. I know how hard that sounds, but as a person who has had his own family issues in the past four years, believe me when I say that it's for the best. You have a very lovely family of your own. If your son is budding his own anxieties, then it's high time to brave up for him. It's alright if you feel sad, your situation is a situation nobody should be in. The idea is to be a foundation for your family. To not allow your sadness to intrude on being a mother, a wife, and more importantly - a human being. Obviously, you're not going to hold them up on your own. You'll need the help and strength of your husband. But your brother and your mother? They sound like they'll only cause you more misery than its worth.

My sister suffers from bipolar disorder among other serious physical illnesses. On more than one occasion, she's attacked me verbally. She's threatened me, my family, her own fiancee. She's had paranoid delusions sometimes, some of which I don't blame her for having. But she's been doing better because she's been occupying herself with a life of her own design. She's doing things for her. I've not seen her as happy in a long time. Once you start flushing the negatives and occupying your mind with something other than the thoughts of "what if" and "what could happen"; instead of judging yourself and simply allowing yourself to -be-, your panic will all but subside completely.

You are loved. Focus on the people who matter more before dedicating yourself to the people who have opted to intimidate you.

If you're looking for something to occupy your mind with, I highly suggest the arts. Photography is an excellent source of relief. I dearly wish to visit the UK sometime. It's a very beautiful country, for what it's worth. You could find some excellent photo opportunities out and about.