Cant shake it

[defmunel]

Hey guys. For MONTHS I've been hammered by constant thoughts that I have cancer. Started as skin cancer, now it's transformed into throat and lung cancer. btw, im barely 30.

For over a month I've had this tight feeling in my throat and a pressure feeling in my right ear. I went to my pcp, who said it was the start of a virus. Well, a few days later I was hit with a nasty cold. Lasted for two weeks. Even though the cold went away, the pressure feeling did not. Went back to pcp, and she said it is tmj. I felt like that was far fetched and asked for a referral to ent. The ent said he was inflammation down my throat and that it was contributing to my ear pressure. I told him about the dry cough I've had for 3 weeks. He says there's nothing I can do to help it since I'm pregnant.

Although I haven't had debilitating anxiety from this all, the thoughts still nag me. Again, I refuse to google. So now I'm in the dark, and feel like the docs are missing something.

I fear being terminally ill while pregnant. Will you help?

[NixonRulz]

Congrats on the baby on the way!


Do you have a specific number of doctors in mind that needs to tell you that you are fine before you would believe them?

Or are you like the rest of us here that know way more than the doctors do : )

Nobody here or anywhere else for that matter, can tell you that you don't have cancer

If you realize that you are healthy, and you are as it sounds, then you would stop being pulled into this cycle

Understand that anxiety is causing you to question those things.

If I would tell you that 2 different doctors told me I was one healthy and really handsome dude yet I still thought I had a disease...

What would you tell me? Probably to listen to the 2 docs and stop dwelling on it, correct?

Take your own advice. Stop listening to anxiety and start believing what you already know

That you a healthy, you're gonna be a kick ass mom, and you definitely don't have cancer

Jump outta bed, high five the world and enjoy the hell out of being pregnant!

[jessed03]

If I would tell you that 2 different doctors told me I was one healthy and really handsome dude yet I still thought I had a disease...


No wonder you didn't believe them Nixon , they're clearly not very perceptive! ;)

Sorry defmunel, me and Nixon just have a thing going where take little humorous shots at each other. It's how we show affection!

I'm not sure I've congratulated you on the baby news yet, so first and foremost, congrats, and best of luck over the coming months :)

Congrats also on not googling. Nothing is wasted. This will add to your discipline, and your mind is slowly healing without the added stress. This is a really big deal!

Whats so terrible about anxiety, is when it's there, it gives you so many nasty symptoms and runs you down, and you end up constantly battling viruses and aches and pains. It's a very clever illness really, in the sense that it provides fuel for it's own fire. If we never had any symptoms at all, we'd probably shake it off quickly.

Nixon is completely right. Nobody can convince you that you aren't sick. Not even doctors. I mean, sure, they can convince you you don't have a particular ailment, but the fear very quickly morphs into something else - as you're sadly finding out.

So where does this leave you? Perhaps you've already been able to see for yourself that getting tested for various illnesses isnt reassuring you enough. It isn't providing much long term relief, it's simply opening doors for other conditions to come into play. So reassurance doesn't work that well....

Understanding and acceptance will break that cycle. If you know these thoughts are anxiety, which you do, you really do, then you are half way there. When I say 'understanding', I find a lot of people read over that and ignore it, thinking because they know anxiety makes you nervous, they have an understanding. Understanding is personal. It's not reading a definition, and then carrying on worrying. It's not even about reading the symptom list, and reassuring yourself.

Understanding is knowing the pattern the condition always follows, and recognizing it in your head, in your thoughts. If you recognize it every time it comes as anxiety, and choose not to get involved in it's games in it's tricks, you will feel great within 6 months.

I swear, I promise this... As someone who has suffered terrible hypochondriac like symptoms such as you, that this is a truth that will bring you peace.

Understanding - is knowing anxiety is all about doing exactly, exactly, exactly what it is doing now, to you. It is fitting so perfectly into it's definition, it's being so obvious it's slapping you in the face. We just don't recognise this because we're so off balance and the world is going so fast.

When these thoughts are telling you you have cancer, what they are really saying is I AM ANXIETY... HELLO!!!!!!!..... You just don't always speak it's language and you're mis-interpreting it. But you are learning, we all learn.



Take your own advice. Stop listening to anxiety and start believing what you already know

Nixons quote is great. Anxiety 'cure' isn't about learning new things, it's about remembering something you already know, but have forgotten. :)

[defmunel]

Thanks boys. It's true that I recognize the thoughts as anxious ones. I don't let them turn into much. Honestly, I've been able to control my emotions well..I feel like Ive wasted so much time worrying about physical symptoms, that I've become exhausted by it. Now I jus say to myself, whatever.

About a month ago I had this epiphany hit me smack in the face...God does not want me chasing doctors. That very real spiritual moment has carried me through, and is why I've been able to control my reaction to the thoughts.

However, the thoughts still come, and I find them super annoying.

I was told by my therapist to sit in the anxious thoughts, and feelings. To expose myself to them. Then I will notice that the symptoms pass, and I'm fine in the end.

So that's what I'm trying to do now with this latest physical symptom. Not rush to the doctor to be told I'm fine...but be PATIENT. Ugh...the dreaded patient word. I'm anything, but patient. But I'm learning slowly. And then there's the thought, well, how long do I wait? I really struggle using realistic, rational thoughts. But as I type this out, I had one pop into my head. How many 30 year olds go to the doctor 12-25 times a year? *points finger at self* this one does! And IT'S NOT NORMAL! Lol.

I was extremely anxious during my last pregnancy. It ended up in miss carriage in december. It felt so good to not be pregnant, and I could work on myself. I always told my husband that if we had to "try" for kids, then it wasn't right. I felt like we were forcing something to happen than perhaps wasn't Gods will for us. I got pregnant with my first born without trying. And with this pregnancy, it happened without trying. I think that's why I feel so calm about the whole thing.

So thank you for your congratulations. I surely hope this bean sticks. :)

[missmello]

When you first saw your dr. they said it looked like the start of a virus... and what happened? You got a really bad cold. Trust your doc, sounds like they knew what they were talking about.

When I get really bad sinus infections (happens way too often) it affects my ears and throat also... even after i feel like i've gotten over it, my ears can be blocked for weeks after. It's so annoying.

If you were sick for weeks, it might take a few weeks for your body to completely get rid of all the symptoms.. like in my case with my ears. As for your throat inflammation, that's probably why you are coughing, and the coughing is probably causing the inflammation... vicious cycle. Try throat lozenges if you haven't already. Don't fret, it will eventually go away.

[jessed03]

You have made progress, the things you're doing, and saying, are at a more developed stage of the condition. I've heard soooo many stories from people, I've lost count, and all of the ones that made progress and have gotten what I'd consider better, have all said at some point of their journey, something very similar to what you've typed. I'm not sure whether or not you see that, it can be really hard to see progress in ourselves, as it can be a long time before we actually feel the changes, so I wanted to point that out just incase. :)

It's like that age old quote; If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck... it's probably a duck! Lol... The 'epiphany' you had was almost identical to mine. I always knew I had anxiety, but it was always in the back of my mind, whilst I pursued other health problems. Then one day I realized; even most sick people don't constantly Google, and get checked up for different stuff - That maybe my only problem was just the anxiety (which of course I fit the bill perfectly for). I took it from there. That realization did make me more peaceful, I did feel that one quite quickly.

Another important thing is the letting go of control. Letting go of outcome. To try and control stuff is virtually impossible too, and only causes more anxiety when we can't. It's a really good attitude you have there. Everybody needs to find theirs. Mine was a 'whatever will be will be' attitude. Some entrust things to fate, or destiny, others to God. You sort of have both which is good, entrust some stuff to God, and say whatever to the symptoms. It's essential to find that release from it, I'm glad you have it!


However, the thoughts still come, and I find them super annoying.

Don't worry about this too much, as long as you keep on that path, you'll get there. We have such an intense relationship with our anxiety, that it's like freakin' Romeo and Juliet. We spent so much time giving it most of our energy and attention, that when we change our habits to get better, it does still leave the remains of that emotional connection. It's a bit like a breakup. After a breakup, you still feel weird for a while and often find yourself doing stuff you did before, even though you want to change. It all becomes good in time! Feeling a little awkward is fine and normal, sitting and pining and getting involved in unhealthy ideas - not so good. Being annoyed by them is normal! Afterall, they are annoying lol. Getting all worked up by what they say - obviously not good, but this doesn't seem a problem for you very much right now!

You're going through the mid-stage of anxiety now I think. The part when you start re-remembering all of those 'sane' thoughts that we all seemed to lose. This part was filled with epiphanies for me. It seems maybe it will be for you too! Don't hesitate to come share them :)

Keep doing all the right stuff. How far along is your pregnancy, do you know?

[defmunel]

Thanks Jesse. I'm only 6 weeks along, but at this point in my last pregnancy I was a complete mess. My family, parents siblings and husband just couldn't standby around me. They tried so hard to help, but I just couldn't break the cycle. I was deep in it. Then once I miscarried at 9 weeks, and was able to take a benzo, I became me again. It's what I needed.

This pregnancy has been very good so far. The only anxiety is what I've described earlier.

Yes, I do recognize progress, and I sure hope I don't regress. Thank you for pointing out my strong suits. It's not easy going through any anxiety. I've learned that the more I talk about my symptoms, the more anxious I get and the more I believe what the symptoms are telling me. If i keep it to myself, I don't allow the thoughts to become more than just that. So that's what I'm doing. :)