Rebuilding

[lily]

I am new to a forum of this kind but thought it might be a step in a positive direction. I am currently on medical leave from work and school. I suffer from severe anxiety, PTSD, and depression. I have battled these my whole life and within the past 3 years they have become unmanageable. I was abused as a child physically and emotionally, I was raped two years ago and have severe abandonment issues. My way of coping had been to keep busy. I work for a non profit organization and I just put everything I have into it and into everyone else. Why? Because it keeps me out of my own head. Most of the time in my head is not a pleasant place to be. My doctor tells me I run around to avoid everything which I do. But now I am faced with this challenge. Of rebuilding myself. I was hospitalized 2 years ago and attended two different out patient hospital programs. Clearly that didn't do it. I'm lost. I can't eat, I can't sleep with or without meds, I'm depressed. I don't know how to repair what is broken. How do you find out what is broken inside in order to fix it?

[lily]

Also my medication is a nightmare and not finding much relief. Cymbalta 60 milligrams, amitriptaline 25 mg, lorazepam 1 mg 3 x a day finding myself needing more than three on most days while having crisis anyone out there with advice or in the same situation?

[Lynnster]

I am taking Zoloft, Risperdal, and Vistaril...none of which are doing me any good. Finding the right combination of medications is really hard. Everyone is different and the only way you can get there is trying a bunch of different ones. It's a frustrating and exhausting process. I would like to caution you about the lorazepam.... be very careful taking more than what your supposed to. I can truly relate to having severe anxiety and feeling like you need more than three. But that is a slippery slope. I used to do the same thing with my Xanax...my anxiety was so bad that I took more than I was supposed to. I ended up running out early and it landed me in the hospital under a 302 because I was delusional and awake for four days. I don't want to see that happen to someone else!