Suz
07-28-2007, 04:17 PM
Hi,
I am new to the forums and wanted to introduce myself and share my experiences with agoraphobia. My name is Suz and I guess I started having panic attacks about four years ago while I was still married. I was under a lot of stress and did a lot of things that were not very healthy. I drank...I smoke...I ate very unhealthily. I had my first panic attack and I thought I was having a heart attack. I was very frightened. After that, I was afraid to go to sleep because I thought it might happen again while I was sleeping. Without enough sleep and dealing with the after effects of the panic attack, I would be tired almost all the time. I was afraid to be alone in case I needed to go to the hospital and in a way, the very person that had been a huge part of my stress in the first place had become my "safe person." I didn't want to go places in public because I was afraid I would have another episode and ruin any fun other people were having, but I would go because I was with my husband at the time. I began to have IBS and other stomach problems but my biggest fear was the panic attacks.
I finally went to the doctor and he could not find anything physically wrong with me other than drinking too much caffeine and not getting any regular exercise. I was poked, prodded, took several tests, wore heart-monitors and there was no sign of any serious illnesses. He gave me medication for the IBS which helped some. This bothered me even more because if there was not something wrong physically, then it had to be a mental problem. Then I began to fear everything...I become a huge hypochondriac, feared dying, feared of actually having the panic attacks, I would visualize terrible things happening at work, I even feared that my husband was cheating on me. Even today, I am not sure about my husband but he began to withdraw from me and we finally got divorced due to some other issues in his life. So, here I was heart-broken and no longer living with my "safe person." There is so much more to my husband's problems, but I finally figured out that he was the major cause of my stress and panic attacks. Even though he is not in my life anymore, I still have anxiety and the agoraphobia is still there. I have never been professionally diagnosed, but I have read and experienced enough that I know this is what it is exactly. Makes it hard to get on with my life. I used to be such a social person before, but now I just want to stay home. I am comfortable there. I keep my phone with me everywhere I go...even around my own house...in case "something happens". I can go to work because I developed a "comfort zone" there as well with people that I talk with a lot. I avoid social situations where I have to meet new people... and forget about dating. That does not even interest me. Even though I am single again, I live like a married woman. Going straight home and staying there even on the weekends. I am not afraid of people but I am afraid of being in public places where I might have an attack and no one will understand what is going on.
I have come a long way, I haven't had a full blown panic attack in about a year. I am happy about this but my agoraphobia is still here and I know that avoiding situations is not the answer. In fact, it is probably making it worse and I think that I am gradually getting worse. For the past eight months, I can see a pattern of becoming more hermit-like and spending more time home alone and socializing on the Internet rather than the real world. Another "comfort zone" I have created for myself. I thought it was a good idea because I could communicate with other people but I am seeing how it has enabled my fears rather than disable it. I am having a hard time balancing things in my life.
I hope to meet other people that I can share these experiences with. I know that I can get better if I can feel like I am not alone in this. I have a sister in-law who I can talk about this stuff with because she suffers with anxiety a lot worse than I do, but her answer to every problem is medications and I don't think that I am in the same place. I believe I can take control if I have enough support and understanding from other people. It has helped me get this far with my panic attacks. I think I just need to get over this hump with my agoraphobia.
Looking forward to meeting everyone...see ya in the threads. :)
I am new to the forums and wanted to introduce myself and share my experiences with agoraphobia. My name is Suz and I guess I started having panic attacks about four years ago while I was still married. I was under a lot of stress and did a lot of things that were not very healthy. I drank...I smoke...I ate very unhealthily. I had my first panic attack and I thought I was having a heart attack. I was very frightened. After that, I was afraid to go to sleep because I thought it might happen again while I was sleeping. Without enough sleep and dealing with the after effects of the panic attack, I would be tired almost all the time. I was afraid to be alone in case I needed to go to the hospital and in a way, the very person that had been a huge part of my stress in the first place had become my "safe person." I didn't want to go places in public because I was afraid I would have another episode and ruin any fun other people were having, but I would go because I was with my husband at the time. I began to have IBS and other stomach problems but my biggest fear was the panic attacks.
I finally went to the doctor and he could not find anything physically wrong with me other than drinking too much caffeine and not getting any regular exercise. I was poked, prodded, took several tests, wore heart-monitors and there was no sign of any serious illnesses. He gave me medication for the IBS which helped some. This bothered me even more because if there was not something wrong physically, then it had to be a mental problem. Then I began to fear everything...I become a huge hypochondriac, feared dying, feared of actually having the panic attacks, I would visualize terrible things happening at work, I even feared that my husband was cheating on me. Even today, I am not sure about my husband but he began to withdraw from me and we finally got divorced due to some other issues in his life. So, here I was heart-broken and no longer living with my "safe person." There is so much more to my husband's problems, but I finally figured out that he was the major cause of my stress and panic attacks. Even though he is not in my life anymore, I still have anxiety and the agoraphobia is still there. I have never been professionally diagnosed, but I have read and experienced enough that I know this is what it is exactly. Makes it hard to get on with my life. I used to be such a social person before, but now I just want to stay home. I am comfortable there. I keep my phone with me everywhere I go...even around my own house...in case "something happens". I can go to work because I developed a "comfort zone" there as well with people that I talk with a lot. I avoid social situations where I have to meet new people... and forget about dating. That does not even interest me. Even though I am single again, I live like a married woman. Going straight home and staying there even on the weekends. I am not afraid of people but I am afraid of being in public places where I might have an attack and no one will understand what is going on.
I have come a long way, I haven't had a full blown panic attack in about a year. I am happy about this but my agoraphobia is still here and I know that avoiding situations is not the answer. In fact, it is probably making it worse and I think that I am gradually getting worse. For the past eight months, I can see a pattern of becoming more hermit-like and spending more time home alone and socializing on the Internet rather than the real world. Another "comfort zone" I have created for myself. I thought it was a good idea because I could communicate with other people but I am seeing how it has enabled my fears rather than disable it. I am having a hard time balancing things in my life.
I hope to meet other people that I can share these experiences with. I know that I can get better if I can feel like I am not alone in this. I have a sister in-law who I can talk about this stuff with because she suffers with anxiety a lot worse than I do, but her answer to every problem is medications and I don't think that I am in the same place. I believe I can take control if I have enough support and understanding from other people. It has helped me get this far with my panic attacks. I think I just need to get over this hump with my agoraphobia.
Looking forward to meeting everyone...see ya in the threads. :)