Sudden Monophobia -- Looking for normalcy

[Handshakes]

I am new to this forum and to this disorder that I have developed. I am committed to overcoming this and believe this is a temporary problem brought about by some poor choices I have made. I am coming here to seek support, help, advice from those who have a similar problem and see if we can help cure ourselves together. I am a man who just turned 40.

At the end of December 2012, I woke up at 4am in the morning in an absolute panic that never truly subsided during the day. Suddenly, I had this terrible feeling of abandonment, that I was totally alone in the world and that my life was empty.

I have always been very social, had a large group of friends and like to interact with people I know. However, I also enjoy some serious "me" time and have to go "in the cave" for periods of time to explore my hobbies, get work done, or just be alone.

Several years ago (2008), I pulled up stakes from where I lived and decided to start my life fresh somewhere else after getting an MBA. I started my own business and kept in touch with friends that I have known over the years. I applied for a job and was told that I was the person that they wanted to hire ... but then a hiring freeze went into effect because of the down economy. I decided to focus on my own business that I had built with my partners, but they lived out of state, so i spent my entire day by myself in my apartment getting things done.

I dated during this time and had a few girlfriends, but they usually just wanted to stay in the house (while I desparately needed to get out after being inside all day). The job with the hiring freeze finally called back and said they would hire me on the spot if I said "yes". I jumped at the chance and enjoyed the job for a couple years. I am in research however and work largely alone with few interactions with others beyond email and phone calls. I feel very isolated in my job and not like a member of a "team". Interacting with co-workers who all work remotely is extremely isolating.

At work, there weren't any people my age that weren't married with kids that just came to work and went home, so there was little opportunity to socialize outside of work. So I focused on my business thinking that everything would get resolved once that came through for me. I spoke with an investor who was very itnerested in the business, but who ultimately did not invest. I lost faith in the future of the business and felt that it would never work and became overcome with doubt.

I found myself in an isolating job (that did provide the opporunity to work remotely, so i can sit in a Starbucks or something and work with people around), a failing business with partners I only speak to over the phone, a large population of friends that I can talk to over the phone but not see in person, I'm single, and have only begun making face-to-face friends in town recently.

During the day, I am sometimes overwhelmed with this terrible feeling that I have thrown my life away and that I am totally alone and will be so now forever. I have never had problems being alone before, but now I cannot go to my apartment or stay there at all. For a while the thought of sleeping caused panic and anxiety. Fortunately, that has stopped happening, but when morning comes, I wake up in a panic that I am alone. This feeling comes and goes throughout the day. I have filled my entire day with social acitivities all through the week in order to make sure that I am not alone, I'm putting a ton of miles on my car and neglecting nearly everything in my life in order to try to rebuild my social life.

More than anything, I want to find someone special and start a family. I'm terror stricken that I lost the best years of my life focusing on career and will never find the right person for me. I'm also afraid that this sudden-onset monophobia is crippling me and my ability to find someone ... and I MUST beat this. I HAVE to get back to normal.

Posting here and looking to learn from everyone else's experiences is one of many steps I am taking to address this wretched debiliating disease that has come over me. I have also started going to therapy to look for solutions there, but I'm finding that is really designed so that I can help myself.

Does anyone else have this disorder that can suggest the best coping strategies and ways to overcome this terrible affliction? I'm hoping that I am just trying to overcome acute "cabin fever" and that I will get back to normal in short time. I've been dealing with this for 4 months now and I have seen a lot of progress, but I still am overcome with this sense of impending doom, dread, and extreme isolation.

Anyone else?

[Lin]

I am not sure about monophobia but this time during my clinical depression caused by hormonal imbalance, I have wanted to stay at home and not go out and have stopped socialising = so I suppose it is the exact opposite of yours. However, I have gone back to a pressured job where I work hard all day to act normal, can talk to anyone at work, chair meetings etc, but when I go outside of work I can't meet with my work colleagues without having terrible anxiety. I have ruined our social life for 2 years, and have stopped shopping unless pushed and even watching our local football team where I have a lifetime season ticket. When I have to socialise, and have no choose, I do stupid things like talk too much or get panic attacks.
During post natal depressions in the past I have never had a social problem before so this is new and very difficult for my friends to understand. I worry I will lose friends, but just have to hope that the good ones will be there when I am ready, and some have tried to help me so much during the past 2 years.
I am not alone because I have a husband and a son but at times I strongly believe I am more of a nuisance to them than a help and they would be better off without me, and often wish I was on my own because I would only be ruining my life not other people's.
For my condition I have tried everything people have recommended, medication, meditation, reflexology, essential oils, peer support group, training courses on subjects to help with my illness and where meet people who understand.
I am sure that you will find the best way to get yourself better, but please stay open minded about ways to do it, and try anything anyone suggests or you can get access to. It is worth trying everything, even if you only get a little bit of help from it, it is better than nothing.
Not sure i have helped at all, but hope you stay on the forum and lots of people are very knowledgeable on here and will be able to help you.

[Handshakes]

Right now, just talking about it is helpful. After posting this, I have felt an emense sense of relief. It's all about taking one step at a time and rediscovering my way in the world.

I'm really shocked that this has happened to me, it's very weird and not me at all. I'm sort of wondering who the heck this new person is and when he'll go away. I like the old me and can't wait to get back to being that person.

The worst part is feeling mild panic and discomfort when meeting new people. I've never had that before. Usually people gravitated to me as a rock of stability. Now, I'm the one that needs a rock of stability and it's disorienting. The most disappointing thing is that this has been something that part of my mind is doing to itself. I suppose its a way to motivate me to get out of my comfort zone and go build a new network of friends, but ... sheesh! I wish my subconscious had come up with something a bit more innocuous and less debilitating. haha

[Lin]

Yo will get there it just takes time for your body to get better and for you to find ways of coping until it is better. You might come out if it having learned lits about yourself and much better for it - although I know it feels like hell at moment.

[missmello]

Usually people gravitated to me as a rock of stability. Now, I'm the one that needs a rock of stability and it's disorienting. The most disappointing thing is that this has been something that part of my mind is doing to itself. I suppose its a way to motivate me to get out of my comfort zone and go build a new network of friends, but ... sheesh! I wish my subconscious had come up with something a bit more innocuous and less debilitating. haha

Ever consider moving back to where you left from? Be closer to your friends & family back home? Are there any people there who are your "rocks"? I know I'm the type of person who could never move far away from family and friends, I know I would feel completely lost & alone.

I recently graduated from a rigorous 2 year program to become a dental hygienist. I was so consumed with that and so busy for those 2 years and had an incredible support system from family and friends that helped me get through it. I know I could not have done it without their support. I wasn't working during all of this because the program was so demanding there was no way I would be able to work. So I graduated, got married, then my car was totaled. No job, stuck at home all day while my husband was at work, and still can't find a job in my field almost a year after graduating.

I went from being so incredibly busy, with people all around me supporting me... and now I'm stuck in the 4 walls of my house going on almost a year with little human interaction, no mode of transportation to get me out of here, and the constant let down of no job opportunities. Cabin fever is an understatement!! haha I can see what you're going through, and just wish my life would get back to normal also.

[Handshakes]

I recently went back to visit and it was great to see all of my old friends there. I have definitely considered it. What's holding me back is the cost of living on the East Coast and the standard of living.

I'd be happier here (I think haha) if I reestablsihed my roots (I grew up here and my family is here). I have definitely started to consider it though. I'm starting to think about looking for jobs again and I'm putting it on the list of places to look.

Gah! How come life has to be this hard!

[alankay]

Could simply be a bit of an "early" midlife crisis of sorts. Therapy is a great first step to try and figure out what is at the core of it all.
Have you had any kind of check up to make sure your thyroid is OK?
Did you move from a more sunny climate to a 4 seasons climate(just to rule of SAD, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder
Just some things to rule out/consider. You may just be going through this and move past it in time. ALankay

[NixonRulz]

Just reading your post, no wonder you feel anxious

Talking about putiing pressure on yourself

Look, I dicked around with this disorder for 20 years before I finally figured out what some people find in a month

I am so grateful that I am living happier than I ever have

But you are beating yourself up for all the things you feel you missed out on from your career or whatever

You can change it now or you can feel sorry for yourself and mopeabout it

Water under the bridge

Take a deep breath and set a few goals

Saying you MUST or HAVE to do something is incredible pressure if you dont live up to it.

Work on a few specifics to get to your ultimate goal.

Understand and educate yourself about what you are going through

But back off a little - no one could do what you are trying to do without some major disappointments

Good luck

[Darkcloud]

I have severe monophobia to the extent I panic anytime I'm left alone now. I also suffer from agoraphobia and panic disorder. It's such a crippling thing to deal with. Somedays I find it hard to get out of bed. Are you making any progress?

[Handshakes]

I have severe monophobia to the extent I panic anytime I'm left alone now. I also suffer from agoraphobia and panic disorder. It's such a crippling thing to deal with. Somedays I find it hard to get out of bed. Are you making any progress?

Since I posted this, I've fully recovered. I was having a terrible reaction to a medication that lasted about 8 months ... easily the worst period in my life.

Since you mention "now", it sounds like this is something new (as it was for me). Is this due to a sudden onset or have you always dealt with anxiety? Are you taking any medications that may have caused this?

For me, I've never had anxiety and always wondered at people who did, I just didn't understand it. This all start December 18, 2013 and it was really over powering. It took me 3 months or so to finally not be afraid to go to sleep at night (I had been taking my medication before bed, so the side effects were associated with sleep). However, I continued to wake up with panic until one morning in June 2013, I finally woke up and didn't have any panic at all. By August, I stopped having panic attacks throughout the day and now I never have them or even think about it at all. Looking back it is all just a really bad dream. The worst thing is that I told my doctor about the reaction and his response was that the medication doesn't do that and its a "miracle" drug (miracle for the survivors I imagine) even though the medication says that it can causes severe depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation (it's a "miracle"!). I ended up going to a psychologist, who turned white when I told him what I was taking because his son had had the same side effects. Finally, I stopped seeing him in in early July.

Anyway, I'm living with my girlfriend now and just got back from a week of diving in Bonaire. Just hang in there, it will all turn around soon enough!