Too much socializing at the office

[DustingMyselfOff]

I am definitely an introvert and would be perfectly happy to only share my social conversations with my husband and few close friends (and even thatI would like to limit). I am fine with my own company and always have some hobby or project to work on and, if not, I am researching some project or hobby. I'm never bored. What drives me crazy is how many people (extroverts, I guess) NEED to be chatting all the time, even if it's tota nonsense stuff or totally pointless. I really can't stand chatting about the weather 7 times a day, (we can all see out the window or look up a forecast) and I hate having to chat about "what did you do all weekend?", etc.

I work in the Executive office area with the VIP's and there are often people coming up here to have meetings with them. And every one of them always decides to hang around my area to chat for a while before and after the meetings, and often come up JUST to chat with me. No one would ever know I'm an introvert because I'm very good at playing the part of a social butterfly but it DRAINS ME BADLY.

I've tried being dis-interested, reading something while they're standing near me, turned to my keyboard and started typing, etc. but some of them don't get the hint and just keep on blabbering. The ones who really get to me are the ones who finally run out of things to say but continue to stand by me while they check their phones, etc.

Does anyone else get agitated by this and, if so, have you figured out a polite way to say "get the hell away from me unless you have something important to say?!?!?!"

Thanks for letting me vent.
Sue

[Alex010096]

Hi,

I've been lucky in that people tend to leave me alone. The thing about this is that if people are flocking to you like this, it really shows how charismatic you are as a person. Even though it's draining you, it is a compliment. They want to be around you because you're an interesting and charismatic person.
If I were you, I'd give them a couple minutes of my time and then say something like, as much as it's fun talking to you right now, I really need to hone in on this project right now. If that doesn't give them the hint, then nothing will.

[missmello]

HAHA! I totally can relate to this. I have a very very small group of friends, I don't even know if you could call it a group it's that small. I too am an introvert and am completely happy most of the time doing absolutely nothing, or spending alone time doing crafts and what not by myself. When I'm in social situations I feel like i have to force conversations with people when I'd rather just not talk at all. Sometimes I feel like the expression on my face must be saying I am totally uninterested and forcing this conversation right now, but I guess not LOL because they will just not back off. I get told a lot that I'm one of the nicest people they know, i'm very pleasant and nice, blah blah.. so maybe thats why they hang around and want to talk.. maybe thats the same reason for you? But I agree it is overwhelming and wish people would leave me alone half the time. They just really like us I guess! haha

[NixonRulz]

I think it's because, in general, people are jackasses

On the other hand, if the likes of me came to talk you, the next day you surely would be saying" I wish that damn Nixon guy would come by and say hello."

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi,

I've been lucky in that people tend to leave me alone. The thing about this is that if people are flocking to you like this, it really shows how charismatic you are as a person. Even though it's draining you, it is a compliment. They want to be around you because you're an interesting and charismatic person.
If I were you, I'd give them a couple minutes of my time and then say something like, as much as it's fun talking to you right now, I really need to hone in on this project right now. If that doesn't give them the hint, then nothing will.

I like that, thank you. I've tried ignoring them and pretending I was concentrating heavily on something but that doesn't seem to stop them. But taking the initiative (and growing the balls) to say something to them to make them stop is something I will try to do and SHOULD done a long time ago. Instead of sitting there like a trapped victim I should have taken assertive action to make it stop. Thank you for the suggestion...... so simple, but something that has eluded me much too long.


HAHA! I totally can relate to this. I have a very very small group of friends, I don't even know if you could call it a group it's that small. I too am an introvert and am completely happy most of the time doing absolutely nothing, or spending alone time doing crafts and what not by myself. When I'm in social situations I feel like i have to force conversations with people when I'd rather just not talk at all. Sometimes I feel like the expression on my face must be saying I am totally uninterested and forcing this conversation right now, but I guess not LOL because they will just not back off. I get told a lot that I'm one of the nicest people they know, i'm very pleasant and nice, blah blah.. so maybe thats why they hang around and want to talk.. maybe thats the same reason for you? But I agree it is overwhelming and wish people would leave me alone half the time. They just really like us I guess! haha

Yes, that's what I've been told....I'm just so darned charming and funny and compassionate and wise and a good listener, blah, blah, blah. Sucks to be wonderful. LOL That's why no one believes I'm an introvert (they don't know the true meaning) because I can pull off the socializing with the best of them when I feel I have to. What a curse. :)


I think it's because, in general, people are jackasses

On the other hand, if the likes of me came to talk you, the next day you surely would be saying" I wish that damn Nixon guy would come by and say hello."

LOL I have to agree that most of them are jackasses, while some of them are just innocently clueless. I have talked about it to one of the worst offenders and explained introversion and he DOES understand, yet he is a severe extrovert so he does all his re-charging on me, even though I've reminded him it drains me. I finally wrote him a long e-mail a few days ago trying to be gentle but letting him know that as much as I cherish his friendship I thought he was being selfish. He has said nothing to me for the past few days except "Hello" and "Goodbye". As much as I'm sorry I hurt his feelings, it's been a delightful break. :)

OK, Nixon, come on by and let's see how long I tolerate nonsensical, content-lacking chit chat. Alex has now empowered me to tell you to go away. LOL Then again, something tells me if you came to chat, it wouldn't be trivial, time-filling crap.
Sue

[maria.g]

Sue, you are so funny and you sound exactly like me! I hate small talk but have to do it myself at work and it debilitates me! Sometimes, I wonder WTF and why I can't do all that crap talk willingly as so many people do.
I work in a very busy vet practice and have to deal with animal emergencies and more annoyingly their sometimes neurotic owners lol...
I pace a lot, no patience, talk, do stuff fast and don't suffer fools and I too hide that fact where our clients think I'm super patient and efficient! Ha!! All courtesy of GAD oh and my Type A friggin' personality!!!

[Alex010096]

I'm glad I helped :)

[DustingMyselfOff]

Sue, you are so funny and you sound exactly like me! I hate small talk but have to do it myself at work and it debilitates me! Sometimes, I wonder WTF and why I can't do all that crap talk willingly as so many people do.
I work in a very busy vet practice and have to deal with animal emergencies and more annoyingly their sometimes neurotic owners lol...
I pace a lot, no patience, talk, do stuff fast and don't suffer fools and I too hide that fact where our clients think I'm super patient and efficient! Ha!! All courtesy of GAD oh and my Type A friggin' personality!!!

Hmmmm, I wonder if that has something to do with why we can't tolerate small talk..... our lack of patience. I've been told by some people (mostly professional therapists) that I have no patience but yet most people at work think I am the most patient person they know. My mind is always, ALWAYS wanting to rush through everything, desperately, frantically, almost like I think I'm going to run out of time in life before I get everything done. No time for chit chat - tell me what you need and go away so I can do it! Or perhaps impatience is part of anxiety. Not sure which came first.

Glad to hear I'm not alone. I, too, wish I could enjoy the nonsense chatter as much as others do, but I always end up wondering, don't they have anything better they need or want to be doing????? Sheesh - what a waste of time!
Sue

[Alex010096]

I don't think you are impatient because you don't enjoy small talk. In fact, you are very patient, putting up with it for long amounts of time while people say things that annoy you.
Not enjoying small talk is merely a personality trait that is an indicator of introversion.
I'd say I'm an extremely patient person, but talking with most people does annoy me because of their choice of subject matter. Maybe that is a mean-spirited thing to say.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Thanks, Alex...you're right. I am patient. Probably TOO patient and that's probably part of the reason I have panic attacks. It has tom come out somewhere, right?

I didn't think your comment was mean spirited at all. We can't all find the same topics interesting. If we did the world would be a pretty boring place.
Sue