Does this ever stop?

[danceintherain]

I'm really desperate.

I'm in my early twenties and have been dealing with low self-esteem and anxiety/depression issues for a very long time. I don't know if this is genetic, environmental, whatever. I don't know WHY I deal with these issues even though I've been going through them for years and been trying to figure out WHY for years. Been on meds before, don't want to go back on them. Been in counseling for two years, they don't think there's anything seriously wrong with me.

I'm in the process of ridding myself of coping mechanisms that I've carried for years. But, right now, my life feels very problematic and fragmented. By day I'm a hardworking graduating senior, by night I desperately search for forums so someone can listen to me.

My life has not been right for a very long time. My mom isn't the type to go to for emotional support. My friends...I have acquaintances, not friends. So, I have no one.

The thing is, I know I deserve a better life than this. I look at people who seem confident and I wonder how great that must feel...to feel like you can soar like an eagle in life. I feel like I'm constantly struggling to get to a place where I'm confident. I feel like I will never get there--it will only be a fantasy in my mind. I'm tired of not being okay. I don't know what to do anymore.

It's getting to the point where I don't even want to be alive anymore. I've already pushed away two people I cared about. Now, I'm picking up the pieces of a fragmented life on my own and the pieces are too sharp and jagged. I always talk myself out of my worst emotions but I just hurt. I've been trying to do self-improvement crap for years and I'm tired of it -- it's WORK. All I want is peace in my life again and it's not happening. :(

[jamus75]

Never give up hope. You just have to keep fighting. If it was easy then it wouldn't be a problem. I've had anxiety and panic for over 13 years and still alive and kicking. About to finally start a daily anxiety drug and not just one that helps my panic as anxiety does. I'm scared and excited to see if it helps. Just keep trying different things and maybe diff meds. You may find the one thing you need to feel better.

[Lin]

You are far too young to be giving up. There are loads of things your Dr or psychiatrist can prescribe to help you get better.
Or there are alternatives like meditation which my psychiatrist suggested and I have found really useful and made new friends who have had problems and understand.
You need to find out what is available in your area to help you. I have done a nhs course on mindfulness which is really good and covers meditation, and the recovery education service do really good courses too.
Go and see your GP and find something to try to get your life moving - even going to a peer support group where you would meet other people with head problems etc would help you meet people.
Just finding one thing to start with would be good even if you need to take tablets so that your head will let you try.

[Whatisthis]

I feel the exact same as you Dance, what is this problem? How do we get passed this? You say you've been on medication I have never been on medication but I've considered it. Have you the confidence to attend some form of a support group where you can talk about your problems and be heard? In person though to build on those confidence and anxiety issues. I hope you feel better soon friend.

[RossLeahy]

Hi Danceintherain my name is ross im 25 years old and have been suffering anxiety attacks paranoia and depression for nearly 9 years now i to am struggerling to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I have worries that im going to die of a heart attack even though ive had every test and there is nothing wrong with me i also am terrified that im losing control of my mind and going insane because i can shake these terrible feelings i have just started taking a drug called venlafaxine 3 days ago am im hoping this is my answer. My goal in life its to also find inner peace with myself if you ever want to talk just reply.

Ross Leahy.

[yocasta]

Hi Danceintherain my name is ross im 25 years old and have been suffering anxiety attacks paranoia and depression for nearly 9 years now i to am struggerling to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I have worries that im going to die of a heart attack even though ive had every test and there is nothing wrong with me i also am terrified that im losing control of my mind and going insane because i can shake these terrible feelings i have just started taking a drug called venlafaxine 3 days ago am im hoping this is my answer. My goal in life its to also find inner peace with myself if you ever want to talk just reply.

Ross Leahy.

Hi, Ive been suffering from anxiety for about 4 years and currently taking lovan which is helping me deal with it. I've been on them for about 3 months and it feel like my life is getting in to track.
Let me know how med go😊there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

[danceintherain]

Hi everyone,

I just want to hug each one of you...it sucks to go through this stuff. Thanks for being supportive. I hope we all find what we need that's gonna help us out. :)

I'm on Buspar now, and it helps a lot. This is totally unrelated to the medication, but I think the worst part of this all is that sometimes I forget I have anxiety. I get caught up in all sorts of head messes (ruminating, obsessing, worrying), forgetting that's it all part of this anxiety business. Some days are better than others, of course. I find it really hard to relax sometimes in some situations, even when I KNOW I'm going to be fine. It's just been so hard these past couple years, I can't even explain it. I just wish I could finally make it all better.

[scared44]

Hi I've been suffering from panic attacks, agrophobia, depression ect for over 20 long yrs! Last week I went to my doctor and begged him to prescribe me Ativan sublingual tabs and haven't had a panic attack since taking my first tablet :-) it feels wonderful not having to fight fear every second of the day! Maybe you should see a Doctor and try this medication it just may help you to. Take care...... Beverley :-)

[scared44]

I'm really desperate.

I'm in my early twenties and have been dealing with low self-esteem and anxiety/depression issues for a very long time. I don't know if this is genetic, environmental, whatever. I don't know WHY I deal with these issues even though I've been going through them for years and been trying to figure out WHY for years. Been on meds before, don't want to go back on them. Been in counseling for two years, they don't think there's anything seriously wrong with me.

I'm in the process of ridding myself of coping mechanisms that I've carried for years. But, right now, my life feels very problematic and fragmented. By day I'm a hardworking graduating senior, by night I desperately search for forums so someone can listen to me.

My life has not been right for a very long time. My mom isn't the type to go to for emotional support. My friends...I have acquaintances, not friends. So, I have no one.

The thing is, I know I deserve a better life than this. I look at people who seem confident and I wonder how great that must feel...to feel like you can soar like an eagle in life. I feel like I'm constantly struggling to get to a place where I'm confident. I feel like I will never get there--it will only be a fantasy in my mind. I'm tired of not being okay. I don't know what to do anymore.

It's getting to the point where I don't even want to be alive anymore. I've already pushed away two people I cared about. Now, I'm picking up the pieces of a fragmented life on my own and the pieces are too sharp and jagged. I always talk myself out of my worst emotions but I just hurt. I've been trying to do self-improvement crap for years and I'm tired of it -- it's WORK. All I want is peace in my life again and it's not happening. :(

Dont ever give up!! xxxx

[MMA_Matthew]

Hi Danceintherain, "I'm in my early twenties and have been dealing with low self-esteem and anxiety/depression issues for a very long time. I don't know if this is genetic."It seems to me that from your post your low self esteem may fuel some of your anxiety."My friends...I have acquaintances, not friends." Are you sure? Is this an accurate statement many people think they have know one but in reality they do. Try to evaluate your self realistically. Try not to make un-realistic assumptions of your self based on depressive thoughts you will only in-turn feed the depression and anxiety and make it worse."It's getting to the point where I don't even want to be alive anymore" Go to your doctor if this thought is even crossing your mind. He may prescribe you with some strong medication. I believe what RossLeahy said is futile and self defeating "i have just started taking a drug called venlafaxine 3 days ago am i'm hoping this is my answer" DRUGS ARE NEVER THE ANSWER THEY WILL NOT CURE ANYTHING they are be used to support your recovery. Hope i've helped feel free to message anyone on this forum. Anyone will be willing to help you if you need it of this i am sure. This forum is a good healing place with good people.

[Lin]

Dancetherin - hope you have found some help from posts in answer to your first post. Everyone has lots of different advice, but if you find help from just one bit of advice anyone gives you it is good.
Be willing to keep an open mind and try whatever you can access and it will all help, and if it doesn't help it is not for you, and you try something else.
Hope you find something to help you soon.
Lots of things out there - medication, meditation,reflexology, hypnosis, acupuncture, training courses, essential oils, herbal remedies - so be willing to try whatever will help you.
We are all so individual so you have to find your own personal solution, but perseverence is definitely necessary to allow things time to work.
Good luck and hope you are feeling better from responses and knowing so many of us understand and willing to help when needed.

[amyrcole77]

I feel the exact same way as you do as far as the hopelessness, depression and anxiety goes. Watching people live their lives and wondering how they do it.... I suffer from severe depression/anxiety and quit my job a few months ago because I had a sudden major depressive episode and I couldn't deal with going to work and just couldn't manage to force myself to get out of bed one day. embarrassingly enough, this was not the first time I've abandoned an amazing job because I was depressed beyond reason. I majorly regret that decision because of course the depression lifted eventually and now I'm stuck at my parents house at 30 yrs old with no job, hardly any money, and no life. It's a viscious cycle because I need a job to get out in the world, make money, and be independent to begin to feel better, but how do you find the motivation to look for jobs when you're severely depressed and anxious all the time?! I can hardly pull myself out of bed each day! Sometimes I feel like I can't stand another day or even moment sitting at this house with nothing to do but think about how miserable I feel and what I "should" be accomplishing. God only knows how I will ever get out of this mess. Im currently on lexapro and welbutrin, pretty much have tried every med out there at this point.. nothing seems to ever work for the long term for me. I feel so hopeless sometimes that I just want to die. I'm not actively suicidal, but still, the thought of not dealing with this nightmare anymore is obviously appealing. its hard to stay optimistic when the reality is I will be suffering from this illness for the rest of my life. I used to be a popular, motivated, successful, and bubbly, young woman, and now I'm only a shell of what I used to be. I had a promising career ahead of me, a life filled with boyfriends, friends, and the promise of a life full of excitement and success at my fingertips. If only I knew how drastically my life would change. I still can't believe this is me, laying up here in a dark bedroom by myself, hoping to somehow escape this life. I tell myself its all in my head, I can outsmart this thing somehow... But we all know the reality of that dream. If only I could live again. I don't even ask for so much as happiness, just the ability to live- to feel human again- to be able to experience the slightest bit of pleasure in life would be okay... I only want to wake up one morning, not wanting to die.... Is that so much to ask? There is absolutely nothing I have to complain about as far as my health, my family, my life circumstances- I am blessed to have this life of mine, but GOD forgive me for asking... to please let me be live again, to smile, to laugh, to FEEL.
Yes, every once in a while I will feel the spark of "normalcy," only, its so hard to enjoy the brief vacation from hell, when you're busy dreading the inevitable dark cloud waiting to drift back over your consciousness.
Yes, I was once confident as well- smart, pretty, outgoing... I'm not sure I know who that person is anymore. My self esteem is completely gone after experiencing all that came with my depression over the last 10 years. Losing opportunities, jobs, friends, enduring doctors visits, therapy, medication after medication, embarrassment and shame at who I'd become... I sometimes wonder if I'm even capable of a minimum wage job at walmart anymore, despite the fact that I hold a masters degree in business. None of this seems to count for anything anymore.... I don't know who I am anymore or what will become of my future as slowly but surely I watch all of my best friends being married and having babies and families of their own. They've moved on and I'm stuck. Besides, who wants to marry someone with all these issues? I can't say I would even want to deal with me. I feel like a burden on all who know me. I can only hope that this pain in my chest will subside, that the fog in my head will clear, and that some day, I will get dressed, walk out the door, and feel the will to live my life again. Even if its not the life I'd once imagined. I hope you find your inner strength as well. There is a life out there to be lived, and this world won't stop spinning while we hide away in our bedrooms. Surely, this is not my destiny.... Or yours...

[Lin]

Amyrcole77 I just sent you a huge response and it would not send, had to log out and back on, so perhaps it was fate and it was not a good post for you so shall try again.

I would like to try and persuade you to try as hard as possible to try to start to find one thing that you can find an interest in, even if just doing a jigsaw puzzle, once you find one thing your mind starts to work again and other things will start to come in too.
Also start to keep a mood and activity diary - in the mood diary really rant about how you feel, and it will help get it out of your head - you should see the one I wrote in hospital for 7 weeks in 2011, I have kept it for future reference so realise how low I was then.
The activity diary is also good because you start to want to put something in there, even if dressed and showered, so gradually you do something like read a page of a book, just to have something to put in it. I then started columns so each day I felt I had to just a few minutes of something in the columns.
You might already do these things but if you don't I can tell you that it will help.
Also the mood diary will start to show you when days have not been as bad as you thought and start to show you a chinck of light in your tunnel (mine is a mountain on top of me this time).
Also start to think about something you could do outside of the house - last year I never went out except for work. But the psychiatrist suggested meditation and because I try everything someone suggests - I started going to a Buddhist and a Christian meditation group - you don't have to be either religion but the teachings are really good and the meditations are either guided at the Buddha or silent and concentrate on one word at the Christian. So the groups got me out of the house, I got head space for the first time in all the day, and I met many people who had also had similar experiences like me or who were just really kind and friendly people.
Friends - I can't socialise with friends at all - so I make sure that I keep them in touch by a quick text or e-mail so have them still in the future, and I only talk to people whom I know can listen to my suicidal thoughts and not take it personally or worry about it and it won't ruin our relationship in the future.
Even work colleagues I can work with them all day, but can't speak to them if I see them outside, and I will walk the other way.
I can't go into shops, do the weekly shop or even watch football every Saturday, so my life bears no resemblence to my usual life at all.
When I get really bad I have to go into hospital but my husband hates it and prefers me staying at home and talking regularly to a mental health nurse and have Crisis or Samaritans to talk to when thoughts get so bad going to do it. Even though I am so horrible to him, and I have ruined our social life, he still sticks by me.

So sorry to ramble, but really want you to just get something started so that you start to feel worthwhile again and able to do something - if you had a broken ankle you would be much better because the social stigma around mental illness still causes us to have problems, and we let it.

Please let me know any time if I can help. I know how desperate you are, and I know how terrible it is. After 28 years of bouts of it, each time so bad I am suicidal, I really would like to help you if I can.

PS If you knew how long this post has taken me, the site keep throwing me out and loses my response, think there must be something wrong with my connection, yet another thing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[M.C]

I feel exactly the same

I m fed up and I m thinking will this ever end?
Everyday feels like I m drowning deeper and deeper in my anxiety
I can't handle it anymore i had enough so I decided to try medication but never give up
Keep on trying you and I and everyone else will reach the surface

[Kevcules]

Dance dude....keep dancing in the rain!! At least then your not thinking about dark places and life's struggles!!

I just joined this forum and I'm happy to be here! I'm very surprised to see so many of us having the EXACT same symptoms! I didn't realize that this dreadful disease affects so many. I know I thought I was alone in my struggles and felt there was no one to talk to. Once you mention your condition, others open up. I don't know what to say to all of you , other than keep going! There will be a better day ......someday! I'm fighting the same battle and I know it's hard....real hard. To close my eyes for good is the only thing I can think of daily as I feel miserable and scared in my body. Like Amy said, this doesn't feel like my body!! Me being a guy, to not have sexual desires , to easily get an erection or to feel good when I rub up against someone I love , is devastating. Again...who's body is this? I don't want this one! Somehow i feel the only way to truly control our bodies chemical balances is with meds. I've struggled with the fact that I don't want drugs but my mind isn't producing the right chemical balance! I'm currently trying Wellbutrin and something else for sleeping and depression. God I Hope it makes me feel better and I hope everyone here gets some relief from this awful feelings!!! Take care everyone!!

[Lin]

We will all get there, we just have to believe that there is something out there meds or something else which will help us individually and once get one thing helping us other things will help us too.

We might not go back to our old lives and who we used to be, or even back to some of our old friends, but the new you and new life and new friends might be just as good, even if different and more limited.

We can all do it, we just have to accept we are all individual and have to find meds, other help, etc which helps us even if it doesn't help other people. So even if limited life and limited fun in future, we can still achieve it.

WE MUST BELIEVE THAT WE CAN DO IT. WE MUST BELIEVE THAT TAKING THE WAY OUT IS NOT THE BEST FOR US OR OUR FAMILIES. (Wish I could believe this each week when suicidal, but we have got to.)

[danceintherain]

Wow...I didn't even realize this got to a second page but when I did, it gave me a smile to know people out there are listening. I hope we all get better and can live our lives peacefully. I support every one of you guys. :goodjob::D You all seem like awesome, cool people. Thank you for being there.

amyrcole ... many hugs and much love to you. i'm so sorry you've gone through what you have, you deserve much better. i know how you feel when you say you can't believe you're going through this; that this is your life. i've had that feeling before. i hope you find your inner strength--and, honestly, you're already strong. i hope you're able to truly live again.(have you ever had your thyroid antibodies checked? might sound weird but sometimes depression issues are the result of a thyroid problem.

MMA_Matthew - it probably is a bad sign that I have suicidal thoughts every so often. It's like a spike in my mind when something bad happens. I wish I didn't jump to that conclusion, either. I don't really want do that. I'm just tired of being in this mess, BUT I know that it takes awhile to feel better. Like I said, I had varying levels of anxiety and depression for years but something happened a few years ago that REALLY messed me up emotionally/psychologically/mentally and it's hard to get over. For years I just tried to ignore everything I felt, which wasn't the answer either. I'm doing things to help me feel better - like working out and plan on starting other things like yoga, regular meditating, etc.

I have a question....do you guys see anxiety/depression as a disorder/condition or do you see it as part of who you are? (For the longest I thought "this is just who I am now," but I always remembered who I was before this really took over.)

[Kevcules]

Glad you smiled today!!

To answer your question.....NO.....not at all !!! What we are struggling with I think , is the result of our bodies "coping" mechanisms from our surroundings and life's daily pressures. That's just my view on this stuff. I know I wasn't like this ten yrs ago so why now? Who knows? I do know one thing....these depression and anxiety conditions are serious matter that most of us, including me, can't fight alone! I don't feel much like a man these days...especially sexually. When you don't want to,or can't , make love to your women....that's an awful reality to face everyday!
Stay strong everyone!

[danceintherain]

I think that's very true...that this is how our bodies cope with life's daily pressures. I'm sure you'll be back to normal very soon. These things take patience. Ever read Claire Weekes? Her book "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" helped me a lot when I read it...huh, maybe I should find that book again, no? :x lol

[danceintherain]

guys, i'm really not doing well.

even though i made lots of progress personally these past few months, my last semester in college - though it ended pretty well academically - ended badly personally.

everything sucks right now--personally.i stress personally because there's a lot of good things going on but as far as my personal life, things are not good.

the worst part is all i have to blame is really myself and my own actions. living with the consequences feels horrible. i feel horrible. i feel like there's no way out of the pain i am in. i don't have anyone to talk to. they just don't get it.

it's so easy for me to put on a smile and go about my day like nothing's wrong. it's easy for me to just...underestimate what's wrong and act like it doesn't matter. it's dangerously easy for me to convince myself that i'm fine. when i'm absolutely not fine at all.

the worst part is...no one does enough to help me. i know that sounds terrible but it's hard to take care of yourself day after day when you don't know what to do. when it's easy to delude yourself and everyone around you. and i've been in counseling at school for 2 years (not weekly, more like a few times a month to once a month) and i feel like now that i'm graduating they're just trying to tie up loose ends and close the chapter. i understand why, and i'm sick of counseling/therapy/all of it, but it's like my personal life is a serious red flag. i guess it's better to say that no one around me is reaching me.

i have no friends. i have acquaintances, i know people. but there's no one really close to me. why? i pushed people away, was too preoccupied by my own thoughts to be outgoing the way i wanted to be.

i was dating someone but was afraid of the physical aspects of a relationship and i ended up pushing him away repeatedly (emotionally). even though i didn't mean to do that. he ended up ignoring me on the last day of class and broke things off. i understand why--sometimes i totally ignored him--but it still hurt like hell. i kept crying for days.

now i'm at the point where, things feel so bad i can either just go back to pretending like everything's alright because that's the less messy thing to do or do what now?? i have no idea what to do now. my life feels like a nightmare.

[Judie]

guys, i'm really not doing well.

even though i made lots of progress personally these past few months, my last semester in college - though it ended pretty well academically - ended badly personally.

everything sucks right now--personally.i stress personally because there's a lot of good things going on but as far as my personal life, things are not good.

the worst part is all i have to blame is really myself and my own actions. living with the consequences feels horrible. i feel horrible. i feel like there's no way out of the pain i am in. i don't have anyone to talk to. they just don't get it.

it's so easy for me to put on a smile and go about my day like nothing's wrong. it's easy for me to just...underestimate what's wrong and act like it doesn't matter. it's dangerously easy for me to convince myself that i'm fine. when i'm absolutely not fine at all.

the worst part is...no one does enough to help me. i know that sounds terrible but it's hard to take care of yourself day after day when you don't know what to do. when it's easy to delude yourself and everyone around you. and i've been in counseling at school for 2 years (not weekly, more like a few times a month to once a month) and i feel like now that i'm graduating they're just trying to tie up loose ends and close the chapter. i understand why, and i'm sick of counseling/therapy/all of it, but it's like my personal life is a serious red flag. i guess it's better to say that no one around me is reaching me.

i have no friends. i have acquaintances, i know people. but there's no one really close to me. why? i pushed people away, was too preoccupied by my own thoughts to be outgoing the way i wanted to be.

i was dating someone but was afraid of the physical aspects of a relationship and i ended up pushing him away repeatedly (emotionally). even though i didn't mean to do that. he ended up ignoring me on the last day of class and broke things off. i understand why--sometimes i totally ignored him--but it still hurt like hell. i kept crying for days.

now i'm at the point where, things feel so bad i can either just go back to pretending like everything's alright because that's the less messy thing to do or do what now?? i have no idea what to do now. my life feels like a nightmare. ,

Hi Danceintherain, Of course you don't feel like everything is alright, and that basically your life sucks right now. Regardless of whether you liked the guy or not he just blew you off. The weird thing about the human mind ( ego)is that it wants what it can't /doesn't have. Therefore please look at the fact that you weren't really interested in the guy and that you are hurt because it was rejection ( even though you most likely promoted that) You pushed him away, most likely there was a reason for, he just wasn't the one. You can delve into the psychology behind why you did that or you may choose to look at the idea that the " chemistry" just wasn't there. True chemistry has a way of boosting serotonin levels, making you feel good and desirable. College graduates are graduating struggling with depression and anxiety.This is a transitional year from college to adulthood, with this comes an intense pressure to succeed. Job Market is shaky, Competition is staggering, Student Loan Debt is looming. Tough times, I am dealing with this is my own home right now. In college you are in a period of transition ( one foot in and the other foot out). So there is a certain amount of protection from the "Real World". Inevitably people don't welcome the idea of growing up, especially if they don't have the ideal job waiting for them. To ease post college stress I usually say to " focus" on moving forward, don't allow yourself to stagnate. Now moving forward doesn't have to be the ideal career job, it just has to be a means for moving forward. Toward your goal ( if you know what that is, if not think about what that is ) Make your temporary attainable goal perhaps about saving money for a move ,an apartment whatever. As you reach those goals you feel better about yourself. Another short term is to boost your resume with classes, internships etc... This is about you feeling good about you.Pushing someone away whether it be friends or boyfriends is classic if you are afraid of being hurt. Most who do that have been really hurt by someone else ( often a family member ) and had their trust in relationships broken. Does this sound familiar to you ? Has someone done something, walked away, turned their back on you, made you feel that they just didn't care ? Ok the really good thing ( and the only good thing ) is that anything broken, can be fixed. Lots of tough work, but you need to reach out to friends, BF's family etc., trust people enough to share your fears. Be selective, true good people radiate caring attitudes. But most importantly you need to have the courage to risk being hurt. That's the same thing you have to do with anxiety, stand up to fear. Fear is just a friend in an enemy disguise, it wants you to take notice of things you can change. Also people that have built walls, like you have are conditioned to believe that no one cares so they will in fact hide behind the wall. It's up to you to take the first brick down and ask for help, and then brick by brick you become the person you were/are meant to be.just for the record college councilor s tend to be overworked and limite with appointments and ability to form relationships ( think in terms of 500 people your age with your issues ). Don't assume someone else can't help you , a therapist's client base away from a college campus will be more varied ( not everyone in your age bracket). You will be ok, this is one of those close one chapter and start another. If you are anything like me, I never liked those changes " until" I had time to settle in and you will. Be Well !

[danceintherain]

thank you, Judie, for taking the time to write that. it sucks to get to that point where it feels like no one is there for you. it really means a lot to me.

i'm actually feeling better today since i realized that i often shoot myself in the foot and explored the reasons why i do that. i also realized that i feel like a whole glass that's been shattered on the floor.

me and the guy actually did have chemistry in the beginning, which is why i pushed him away.i wasn't used to feeling good or desirable. he was more eager to spend time together and do things that i just didn't have the time/energy for this busy semester. i did question whether i was really interested in him...all i can say is that there's lots of things about him i enjoyed. but...he probably just wasn't the one if we weren't connecting. i often didn't know how to respond to some of the the things he'd say. many times i thought he got more out of us talking than i did. besides that, we're both kinda quirky and have had fun together.

thanks for the practical info about life after college. i actually have two internships under my belt...just finished up one last week. i don't know if this is the career i should go into but i know whatever job i choose, i promise myself it's going to be one i can stand, even like, hopefully. i'm not going to stick with a career if it causes me a ridiculous amount of stress. been there, paid for that. my current goal is finally taking the road test. i'd like to get that done in the next month.

you'd think i'd be really hurt by my dad growing up, because he was an alcoholic. but, i always felt really hurt by my mom. she's never understood me emotionally. as a child, she laughed at my hurt feelings, even mocked me, read my diary out loud like i was just some unfeeling nonbeing, told me i was too clingy with friends, told me so many miserable things about myself. she kept me from going to friends' houses and birthday parties, she called me a liar once when I was telling the truth, compared me to the unfavorable sides of family members--comparisons that i'm still trying to shake today. even now, every time i have a problem in a relationship, she totally blames me and invalidates my feelings completely. she loves me but has no compassion for me when i'm hurt...talking to her when my heart is hurting is like twisting the knife in the wound. "remember .... it's all your fault...because you're you! you've always been the one with issues!" is basically what i hear coming out of her. it's like my experience, or what i'm going through, is of absolutely no importance--everyone else's feelings comes first when it comes to issues i have with other people. it takes a lot for me to come to her when i'm in pain, and that's what i get from her. her approach is valid and the only way she knows how to help -- it just does nothing for me when i need to know someone's in my corner. when i need just an ounce of compassion for once.

i have the fear of being hurt, for sure. the fear of being left, the fear of people not liking the true me and then leaving. i want to be accepted, liked, loved for who i am. i've already decided that i'm done with trying to be perfect for everyone. i think i have a lot to offer people, i just haven't done it so long. part of me wonders if it's possible...i've always felt like the different one, and it's true -- i always had a unique way of thinking and approach to life, which i like, it's just not always been understood or supported by others. since then... i've been so focused on what's wrong with me, trying to fix it. my focus was not on enjoying life or what is has to offer me. i didn't have the confidence to know that...it's not my job to make sure everyone likes me. it's my job to just be myself.

i like this new chapter so far. i've looked forward to being done with coursework lol. i want to have faith and hope that i don't have to let history keep repeating itself. i don't have to keep trying to please everyone; i don't have to keep pushing people away when i don't want to. i don't have to focus on what's wrong with me or give into anxiety/depression/stress so much. i don't have to hate myself anymore. i don't have to keep up the charade. i have my work cut out for me. i'm ready to take responsibility and get back to where i need to be.


That's the same thing you have to do with anxiety, stand up to fear. Fear is just a friend in an enemy disguise, it wants you to take notice of things you can change.
i have to think about this. fear has been so deeply embedded in me (literally: i have a pretty cautious family; and i've been living by fear for so long). i'm afraid of things...but i don't have to be. i keep hiding behind it; cowering behind it. fear is showing me what i'm afraid of...rejection, being myself. it's alerting me to these things. it's showing me right there what needs to be changed. i don't have to live in fear, even though these things are scary to me right now.

[Judie]

thank you, Judie, for taking the time to write that. it sucks to get to that point where it feels like no one is there for you. it really means a lot to me.

i'm actually feeling better today since i realized that i often shoot myself in the foot and explored the reasons why i do that. i also realized that i feel like a whole glass that'is been shattered on the floor.

me and the guy actually did have chemistry in the beginning, which is why i pushed him away.i wasn't used to feeling good or desirable. he was more eager to spend time together and do things that i just didn't have the time/energy for this busy semester. i did question whether i was really interested in him...all i can say is that there's lots of things about him i enjoyed. but...he probably just wasn't the one if we weren't connecting. i often didn't know how to respond to some of the the things he'd say. many times i thought he got more out of us talking than i did. besides that, we're both kinda quirky and have had fun together.

thanks for the practical info about life after college. i actually have two internships under my belt...just finished up one last week. i don't know if this is the career i should go into but i know whatever job i choose, i promise myself it's going to be one i can stand, even like, hopefully. i'm not going to stick with a career if it causes me a ridiculous amount of stress. been there, paid for that. my current goal is finally taking the road test. i'd like to get that done in the next month.

you'd think i'd be really hurt by my dad growing up, because he was an alcoholic. but, i always felt really hurt by my mom. she's never understood me emotionally. as a child, she laughed at my hurt feelings, even mocked me, read my diary out loud like i was just some unfeeling nonbeing, told me i was too clingy with friends, told me so many miserable things about myself. she kept me from going to friends' houses and birthday parties, she called me a liar once when I was telling the truth, compared me to the unfavorable sides of family members--comparisons that i'm still trying to shake today. even now, every time i have a problem in a relationship, she totally blames me and invalidates my feelings completely. she loves me but has no compassion for me when i'm hurt...talking to her when my heart is hurting is like twisting the knife in the wound. "remember .... it's all your fault...because you're you! you've always been the one with issues!" is basically what i hear coming out of her. it's like my experience, or what i'm going through, is of absolutely no importance--everyone else's feelings comes first when it comes to issues i have with other people. it takes a lot for me to come to her when i'm in pain, and that's what i get from her. her approach is valid and the only way she knows how to help -- it just does nothing for me when i need to know someone's in my corner. when i need just an ounce of compassion for once.

i have the fear of being hurt, for sure. the fear of being left, the fear of people not liking the true me and then leaving. i want to be accepted, liked, loved for who i am. i've already decided that i'm done with trying to be perfect for everyone. i think i have a lot to offer people, i just haven't done it so long. part of me wonders if it's possible...i've always felt like the different one, and it's true -- i always had a unique way of thinking and approach to life, which i like, it's just not always been understood or supported by others. since then... i've been so focused on what's wrong with me, trying to fix it. my focus was not on enjoying life or what is has to offer me. i didn't have the confidence to know that...it's not my job to make sure everyone likes me. it's my job to just be myself.

i like this new chapter so far. i've looked forward to being done with coursework lol. i want to have faith and hope that i don't have to let history keep repeating itself. i don't have to keep trying to please everyone; i don't have to keep pushing people away when i don't want to. i don't have to focus on what's wrong with me or give into anxiety/depression/stress so much. i don't have to hate myself anymore. i don't have to keep up the charade. i have my work cut out for me. i'm ready to take responsibility and get back to where i need to be.


i have to think about this. fear has been so deeply embedded in me (literally: i have a pretty cautious family; and i've been living by fear for so long). i'm afraid of things...but i don't have to be. i keep hiding behind it; cowering behind it. fear is showing me what i'm afraid of...rejection, being myself. it's alerting me to these things. it's showing me right there what needs to be changed. i don't have to live in fear, even though these things are scary to me right now.

Danceintherain, You sound good to me, on track with your priorities. My daughter is going through a rough time, graduated on Sunday. Separation from friendships she has formed in the last four years is really bothering her. Her step brother was an alcoholic/ addict and we supported him and he lived with us. When he picked up my husband did the right thing asking him to leave, to take responsibility for his addictions ( My husband is a recovering alcoholic with twenty years sobriety). My stepson left and never spoke to my daughter again, he crushed her. My brother ( her Godfather)also suffered with addiction, we helped him out as well. He did the same. We moved here when she was 12, her grandmother died six months later. She went from a happy well adjusted kid to a shy middle schooler trying to fit in. My two biggest mistakes in life were extending helping hands to two individuals that were so self absorbed that they never even thought about the wreckage they were leaving behind. Needless to say she went on to have a boyfriend that when they broke up he had all of their mutual friends delete her number from their phones. I struggle with her depression and loss of trust all the time. It's tough when someone you love breaks your trust ( her brother )that sets precedence for all future relationships. I have always been able to help her friends and several people over he years. A mother daughter relationship is complicated but we are close and I continue to try to help her and support her. Separation is tough, she will be fine. I think she just needs a period of adjustment. Your mother was a co- dependent, with that comes its own set of issues. Perhaps a lot of her misgivings and coldness were a result of that. I was only with my husband for four years, she was three when he got sober. I told him. I loved him very much but that I didn't want my daughter growing up in an alcoholic home and that I would leave. He's a great guy, strong responsible and had I believe already made that commitment to himself. My home was an alcohol free home for years until we took in my stepson and brother and ....so goes my mistakes. You will be just fine, your mother's issues are your mother's issues. The opinion that matters most in the room is yours, you are beginning to see that. You are unique, worthy of a wonderful life and great relationships. Your boyfriend probably did get more out of the talking aspect then you did, given that would be your tough area, self doubt that's instilled in you. I think that both you and my daughter have to continue to evolve and recognize that other's behavior is their issue not yours. You are right your job, no matter where or what it may be, should be what you want. I describe fear as your friend because it promotes positive change as it forces you to address issues that need resolution. A good friend is honest, sometimes demanding as they fight and push you relentlessly to become the best that you can be. Fear challenges you, friends should as well. All anxiety sufferers have issues with fear. I try to promote fear/ anxiety as a friend not foe because if you run from either they will continue to haunt you until they accomplish their goal of self awareness. If you ignore them, like a nagging friend they will make their presence know. My words to my daughter today were and I will say the same to you " you need to trust someone enough to help you take down those walls brick by brick. You need to stand up to fear and go after love. You may get hurt and the self doubt may creep back in but stand up again and again and again because eventually it all works out exactly how it was meant to, but you need to trust yourself enough to stand up to the fear. Be Well, Talk Soon ! Congratulations on Graduation !!!!!!!!

[danceintherain]

I'm sorry your daughter is having a hard time and that she's had struggles in the past. :( Although it's different situation, my favorite aunt kinda left me too--she relocated and never maintained an interest in my life. And things really changed at age 12 for me, too. I switched from a public school where I knew everyone to a private school where I knew no one and had a hard time feeling like I fit in. If I could go back, I'd remind myself that it's ok to be me and that I don't have to change myself just to be accepted. Best wishes to your daughter and congrats to her, too, for graduating!

I need to keep perspective about my mother and realize that she doesn't only treat me this way... she tries to control everyone. I have to remind myself that, unfortunately, though I love her, she's not the one I can go to when I'm having a relationship problem...just like she's never been.

About the guy I was dating...it makes a lot of sense about me not getting anything out of our talks since I was too busy plagued by the self-doubt that's instilled in me. Makes a lot of sense. I could barely enjoy our time together for that reason.


You are unique, worthy of a wonderful life and great relationships.
Thank you. :)

You're right, fear is a friend dressed up as a foe. It can be something we use to our advantage, to make us stronger, when we take the scary, alarming mask off.


My words to my daughter today were and I will say the same to you " you need to trust someone enough to help you take down those walls brick by brick. You need to stand up to fear and go after love. You may get hurt and the self doubt may creep back in but stand up again and again and again because eventually it all works out exactly how it was meant to, but you need to trust yourself enough to stand up to the fear. Be Well, Talk Soon ! Congratulations on Graduation !!!!!!!!
that's so helpful. i really do need to trust someone enough. there's more to life than self-hatred, unhappiness, anxiety, depression. just need to remind myself everyday of what truly matters. talk to you soon.

[Judie]

I need to keep perspective about my mother and realize that she doesn't only treat me this way... she tries to control everyone. I have to remind myself that, unfortunately, though I love her, she's not the one I can go to when I'm having a relationship problem...just like she's never been.
Hey Danceintherain ( name reminds me of Enya's song " Wild Child" ) Let the day go on and on. My daughter sounds/ is better today, separation is tough for her ( me as well ) Many people who suffer from anxiety have separation issues. Your mom treats everyone like that because she as a co-dependent will be overly controlling because she can't control your Dad's drinking, she will attempt to grasp control anywhere she can Regardless of the reason for her behavior, it simply doesn't work for you. I always try to balance anxiety ( which is illogical ,given that it is symptoms that originate in the mind with no concrete physical cause ) with logic. The logic to any relationship is that a relationship is between two people. People are comprised of many faults as a result of exposure to countless things we have no idea about it. They are also I believe comprised of countless virtues given that they are also exposed to certain positive stimuli. So the logic in any relationship is that all relationships have the potential for success as well as the possibility of failure. With this in mind, regardless of this uncertainty and any past experiences with trust issues, we need to go after that chemistry, that potential for success. It takes guts and so does standing up to anxiety but all doable. Keep Positive, you most certainly sound positive and focused on a good path.

[Tanky]

I am in my 50's and have anxiety problems. I live in one country and work in another. While working I am feeling a sense of failure therefore the anxiety kicks in. Its very hard to cope with. I am trying to fight it head on last night was the first night in a long time I slept for more than a few hours.

Can anyone help with ways to cope with it. I know I have so many people depending on me and I am not too sure how long I can keep going on like this.

I know I need help but in which way to go do I go with Meds or do I just try to be strong and keep going........

[Kevcules]

There's no such thing as being strong with anxiety...IMO. It makes us cry like babies when it's bad! The mind is very powerful and when it's working against you, you're in trouble. The meds will help you think more clearly and sensibly. There are usually a few that you have to try first before you get one that works well with your body ,but definitely get some....you will be happy you did!
Take Care!

[Tanky]

I went with the meds a few years ago but the side effects were worse than the problem.

I need to find some that don't have the 1 month side effects I need something that works from the beginning.

Has anyone got any ideas

[danceintherain]

To Judie -- (didn't realize other ppl answered in the meantime when i wrote this)

I'm glad your daughter is feeling better. That's good news...hugs to her :)

I've never heard that song but I really like the lyrics.

I was out shopping earlier today and I just got this very small burst of ...clarity. A little while later the words "the present begs you to take part in it" came to me. I felt a tiny blast of myself. Not my "old" self but kinda. More like a more mature version of that "old" self from age 12 or whatever. Thinking about it now, it was like a tiny rap at the door. I've felt it before...really wish I could hold onto it.

Every time I do feel that feeling...it's because I've faced my emotions. I look my cynicism or sarcasm in the face. I explore all that it's trying to hide.

Regardless, it inspired me to stop delving into the past for clues to who I am/was and exploring who I am today. for example...If I don't feel like myself, what do I think needs to change for me to feel that way? I already know why I don't...now it's time to resolve this.

Talking to you gives me the hope that I haven't done some irreversible damage to my brain or to myself. It's very nice talking to you. Thank you, your daughter is blessed to have a sensitive, understanding person in her life.


People are comprised of many faults as a result of exposure to countless things we have no idea about it. They are also I believe comprised of countless virtues given that they are also exposed to certain positive stimuli. So the logic in any relationship is that all relationships have the potential for success as well as the possibility of failure. With this in mind, regardless of this uncertainty and any past experiences with trust issues, we need to go after that chemistry, that potential for success. It takes guts and so does standing up to anxiety but all doable. Keep Positive, you most certainly sound positive and focused on a good path.
So you're saying...no one's perfect and, in every relationship, there's a chance of sink or swim. But that fear of failure can you keep you from sweet success. It takes courage to take that risk but it's worth the risk-taking...

[Judie]

To Judie -- (didn't realize other ppl answered in the meantime when i wrote this)

I'm glad your daughter is feeling better. That's good news...hugs to her :)

I've never heard that song but I really like the lyrics.

I was out shopping earlier today and I just got this very small burst of ...clarity. A little while later the words "the present begs you to take part in it" came to me. I felt a tiny blast of myself. Not my "old" self but kinda. More like a more mature version of that "old" self from age 12 or whatever. Thinking about it now, it was like a tiny rap at the door. I've felt it before...really wish I could hold onto it.

Every time I do feel that feeling...it's because I've faced my emotions. I look my cynicism or sarcasm in the face. I explore all that it's trying to hide.

Regardless, it inspired me to stop delving into the past for clues to who I am/was and exploring who I am today. for example...If I don't feel like myself, what do I think needs to change for me to feel that way? I already know why I don't...now it's time to resolve this.

Talking to you gives me the hope that I haven't done some irreversible damage to my brain or to myself. It's very nice talking to you. Thank you, your daughter is blessed to have a sensitive, understanding person in her life.


So you're saying...no one's perfect and, in every relationship, there's a chance of sink or swim. But that fear of failure can you keep you from sweet success. It takes courage to take that risk but it's worth the risk-taking...
Hi Danceintherain, That's exactly what I'm saying, none of us can be 100% sure of another human being or for that matter 100% sure of anything. If you think about it to always know what the day would bring may get pretty mundane and tedious. We talk about the Mind/ Body working in unison or certainly attempting to in Anxiety/ Depression, the Mind/ Heart also seeks balance when you meet a potential friend/lover.If that weren't the case the arrogant best looking guy in the room would always get the girl, he doesn't. The mind steps in to say he's great looking but not enjoying that narcism so much. Believe that your entire system works to keep you balanced in emotional and physical health. When something is awry you know it, but you need to trust yourself. If you look back at past failed friendships and relationships you will always see that there were warning signs that we simply chose to ignore. This isn't a bad thing, we all make mistakes, we live and we learn. My point is this, yes there is always a potential for failure or success in any relationship but if you find balance and trust in yourself, you become very astute at knowing what is right for you. Bottom line trust yourself, build your self esteem,take a chance, everything and everyone happens for a reason. You will most definitely reconnect with your old self and most likely blend her with a new positive emerging self. Once you realize that the only person in your life that defines you is you, you will see and feel a new confident blend of the 12 year old the potential for who you are becoming. You sound great ! Don't let slip backs hold you back. They are temporary deterrents designed to make us stop, take a look, breathe deep and keep going in relationships and life. Be Well !

[mid]

When it comes to coping with the changes, each of us has shared one common thread of hope that gives everyone a chance to be comfortable with who they are right now-we know we feel more depth in all directions. It's normal for us, and so we make choices using the depths in full, and allowing ourselves to appreciate the effect knowing that we can move it up, down, out, in, and all directions.
Where people do not understand our way, it's their experience, not ours. It is not up to us to make the changes for them, it is up to us to make the changes for us, and this changes the response, as we put our well-being first, then their usual response will no longer fit.
The first relationship we get in order is the one with ourselves. Having the diagnosis of depression means that we have the chemical levels of depth charges and once we learn what works for us, it becomes easier to move forward to face the immediate present the best way we can.

You are not alone, and you have a lot of support, encouragement, and understanding here.

Best wishes.

[danceintherain]

I just need to let it out because no one around me will understand.

I'm waiting for jobs to get back to me and trying to schedule a road test has, unexpectedly, taken so much time. Nothing is happening fast enough.

I'm changing, finally, and I just can't deal with these restraints anymore. I can't handle not having any friends to talk to (I have people who care for me -- but I can't talk to them because they'll want something in return). Can't handle not being able to just get away from this house on a whim. Tired of going everywhere with my mom. The same routine over and over...it's all taking forever.

I have a hard time living in the real world. I was practicing driving today and just sitting there in the car, I was just like "WTF." I'm so offtrack in my life from where I would like to be. I hate venting and complaining and i know I don't need to feel this bad about everything. But I do.

I see that my confidence will only get better the more I socialize and do things that make happy. I have to find out what my interests are because I don't have any.

[danceintherain]

Things have been pretty good...

i've realized that i can't just wait for anxiety to leave, i have to live life while i have it. life doesn't stop, unfortunately.
each day i'm putting cracks in my glass ceiling.
it's painful at times but very worth it.
this is life. i have to face its ups, downs and wildcards like everyone else.
there are better ways to deal with the stress...
but it hasn't been easy.