Nelly
04-19-2013, 07:43 AM
Dear all,
i post this because it has meant a lot to me. I try to stay off meds, even though my doc says it would do me good. maybe it could help me, but some how I see my anxiety as a wake up call.
i feel social phobia and anxiety for other reasons than what has to do with meds.
To me my anxiety is connected to the fact that I am afraid of getting to know my self. I am afraid there is 'nothing in there' if I begin to look inside my self. I tell my self, that 'u are empty and useless, look at the way people ignore u. U are nothing'
BUT I am working on accepting my self as I am.
I is tremendously difficult and a walk on thin line - but it is SO wonderful.
Do you also get a bit angry, when people say 'just be yourself'.
And u are like: but which me, I am nothing and everything. Or u might think: which one- this depressed piece of person? But the point is, that your living being - you as a person - cant be identical with depression and fear. I found that there is no 'negative self'.
Again there is a difference between the anxious you and your inner true self.
Can you feel that too?
Can you take a moment and feel if this is true in your case also?
What does your inner true self feel like? Who are you, when you are your true self?
I never could find the answers to these questions- who am I, if I am not my anxiety.
I would live to hear from anyone of you guys who feel like sharing your selves - who are you, when you are not your anxiety?
Of course it is difficult to describe yourself, but maybe describe activities that makes you feel safe ?
Or maybe you want to read about these personalitytypes and share if you too can recognize yourself as an ISFP or some other combination of characteristics.
Next post gives you the link :-)
What characterizes you as a person?
Once I have started meditating and everyday struggle and insist on accepting my self no matter how silly I think I look, or what awkward things, I think I say - I insist on accepting my self as I am. I insist on being truly me - which means that I am facing my biggest devil, which is that I am not perfect .
How spoiled of me to think that I have to be perfect - that I, as the only one I the universe, am not allowed to make mistakes and to find my self with dust in my mouth when I try to speak to people. When my fear overwhelmes me and I sink into a black whole inside my body. Of shame and self hatred. When I feel the tip of these feelings today, I see it as a message, saying : dear nelly, now it is the time, when you can choose to accept yourself with kindness and overbearing, or to punish yourself and drive you closer to the black depression of fear inside yourself'.
Okay, this post turned out longer than I thought :) I forgive my self for being me :) do you? And is this a question than brings you a glimpse of relief?
Best wishes, Nelly
i post this because it has meant a lot to me. I try to stay off meds, even though my doc says it would do me good. maybe it could help me, but some how I see my anxiety as a wake up call.
i feel social phobia and anxiety for other reasons than what has to do with meds.
To me my anxiety is connected to the fact that I am afraid of getting to know my self. I am afraid there is 'nothing in there' if I begin to look inside my self. I tell my self, that 'u are empty and useless, look at the way people ignore u. U are nothing'
BUT I am working on accepting my self as I am.
I is tremendously difficult and a walk on thin line - but it is SO wonderful.
Do you also get a bit angry, when people say 'just be yourself'.
And u are like: but which me, I am nothing and everything. Or u might think: which one- this depressed piece of person? But the point is, that your living being - you as a person - cant be identical with depression and fear. I found that there is no 'negative self'.
Again there is a difference between the anxious you and your inner true self.
Can you feel that too?
Can you take a moment and feel if this is true in your case also?
What does your inner true self feel like? Who are you, when you are your true self?
I never could find the answers to these questions- who am I, if I am not my anxiety.
I would live to hear from anyone of you guys who feel like sharing your selves - who are you, when you are not your anxiety?
Of course it is difficult to describe yourself, but maybe describe activities that makes you feel safe ?
Or maybe you want to read about these personalitytypes and share if you too can recognize yourself as an ISFP or some other combination of characteristics.
Next post gives you the link :-)
What characterizes you as a person?
Once I have started meditating and everyday struggle and insist on accepting my self no matter how silly I think I look, or what awkward things, I think I say - I insist on accepting my self as I am. I insist on being truly me - which means that I am facing my biggest devil, which is that I am not perfect .
How spoiled of me to think that I have to be perfect - that I, as the only one I the universe, am not allowed to make mistakes and to find my self with dust in my mouth when I try to speak to people. When my fear overwhelmes me and I sink into a black whole inside my body. Of shame and self hatred. When I feel the tip of these feelings today, I see it as a message, saying : dear nelly, now it is the time, when you can choose to accept yourself with kindness and overbearing, or to punish yourself and drive you closer to the black depression of fear inside yourself'.
Okay, this post turned out longer than I thought :) I forgive my self for being me :) do you? And is this a question than brings you a glimpse of relief?
Best wishes, Nelly