kat
07-21-2007, 02:18 AM
If I recall the last time I posted was around November when I asked how the best way to talk to someone about anxiety. In December, when I started to have several panic attacks, I finally went to someone; my guidance counselor at school.
I would love to now get all of what happened after this off my chest.
I know the school meant well, but...
Things didn't quite work out that way.
At the beginning, the school thought that I was faking it; nearly everytime I had a panic attack I would leave class and not come back until the next period started; this in addition to the fact that I was (and am) afraid of the nurse's office led them to believe that I was using this as an excuse to get out of class.
Then I had one of the many panic attacks and the principal called the rescue squad (I was TERRIFIED!!!!). They said nothing was wrong with me... which further caused them to believe I was faking it. I was then not allowed to come to school without a note from a psychiatrist. Since it was close to winter break, I did not come back to school until after new years.
Before I go on, let me tell you a bit about myself. I am an honours student who is well liked by both students and teachers. Education is most often my top priority. I have NEVER done drugs or had sex (at this point in my life I don't care all that much about those type of relationships; I'm 16). And except for the extreme level of of anxiety that I would experience from time to time, I would consider myself much happier than most teenagers.
Back to the story. When I came back to school, for some reason or another I was terrified of going to my phys ed class (I happen to be considerably athletic, so lack of ability wasn't a cause). So instead of going to the class, I stayed in the locker room. Though I was not the type to skip classes, I had known people who had skipped phys ed before, nothing happend except for a point or two off their grade. So when I stayed in the locker room, I'm standing there alone and 15 minutes into the class I hear my principal say in angry voice "are you there." I was too scared to answer. Then here here noises in the empty hallway outside the locker room, which is where my locker happened to be. The noises were the voices of several people of the school administration. They then proceeded to search my locker (they had no idea I was on the other side of the wall). I REEEEAAAAAALLLLLY freaked out. At this time I could simply not figure out why they would do such a thing unless they believed something about me that wasn't true. A few days later I had decided not to go to my phys ed class again. I sat in the auditorium, which is a place that there are almost always no other people present (this time there happened to actually be two other students there both of whom are coincidently good friends of mine). Even though a teacher knew I was there, and was in fact there with me, the principal (I still don't know why he did this) called the police. My choice was this: be escorted out of school.
At this point I cannot describe how terrified I was. To make a long story short... the school though I was an oppositional student who was on drugs, and they had even recommended me to go to a school for people with behavoir and drug problems (when I tell this to people I know they laugh at it because I have a strong reputation for being a goody-to-shoes).
During the course of this time there was a point where all the aldults in my life did not believe anything I told them, causing me to become very depressed.
Fortunately, in the nick of time, my parents discovered that the school had broken several policies and they...well... made afew phone calls to clear things up. During this time I was switched from zoloft to prozac, which helped alot.
So this year was on hell of a year for me. But it also got me thinking. I have never met anybody who has acknowledged the psychological pain that occurs when one is being falsely accused of something. In my case, I feel especially betrayed because I went to the school for help, and they not only made a mess of it, but they couldn't even there own policies.
Now whenever I hear of a person in the news who was convicted of a crime, I wonder if they really are guilty. If they aren't, they are not only suffering, but they are suffering alone, as everyone else thinks the person is guilty, whereas the "guilty" person is the only one who knows the truth, and is starving for justice. This person is a victim of the system,n and my heart goes out to them.
I now know not only what it is like to have respect, but also I know what it is to have none. The story I told you here isn't nearly complete, and is just a small bit of what happened in those few months.
But because I know that my principal has wronged me, I have made the realizition that he often talks down to people... he often makes them feel less than human. He can no longer succeed in doing this to me. I always look him straight in the eye.
Thank god no one who works under him is like he is. I can tell that my counselor feels guilty about the decisions she didn't even make.
I am grateful to the resr of the students and teachers at the school, who helped me through that time.
Thankyou for reading the huge post. I really needed to get that off my chest. Feel free to post any comments... I would love to hear what other people's takes on this situation is.
I would love to now get all of what happened after this off my chest.
I know the school meant well, but...
Things didn't quite work out that way.
At the beginning, the school thought that I was faking it; nearly everytime I had a panic attack I would leave class and not come back until the next period started; this in addition to the fact that I was (and am) afraid of the nurse's office led them to believe that I was using this as an excuse to get out of class.
Then I had one of the many panic attacks and the principal called the rescue squad (I was TERRIFIED!!!!). They said nothing was wrong with me... which further caused them to believe I was faking it. I was then not allowed to come to school without a note from a psychiatrist. Since it was close to winter break, I did not come back to school until after new years.
Before I go on, let me tell you a bit about myself. I am an honours student who is well liked by both students and teachers. Education is most often my top priority. I have NEVER done drugs or had sex (at this point in my life I don't care all that much about those type of relationships; I'm 16). And except for the extreme level of of anxiety that I would experience from time to time, I would consider myself much happier than most teenagers.
Back to the story. When I came back to school, for some reason or another I was terrified of going to my phys ed class (I happen to be considerably athletic, so lack of ability wasn't a cause). So instead of going to the class, I stayed in the locker room. Though I was not the type to skip classes, I had known people who had skipped phys ed before, nothing happend except for a point or two off their grade. So when I stayed in the locker room, I'm standing there alone and 15 minutes into the class I hear my principal say in angry voice "are you there." I was too scared to answer. Then here here noises in the empty hallway outside the locker room, which is where my locker happened to be. The noises were the voices of several people of the school administration. They then proceeded to search my locker (they had no idea I was on the other side of the wall). I REEEEAAAAAALLLLLY freaked out. At this time I could simply not figure out why they would do such a thing unless they believed something about me that wasn't true. A few days later I had decided not to go to my phys ed class again. I sat in the auditorium, which is a place that there are almost always no other people present (this time there happened to actually be two other students there both of whom are coincidently good friends of mine). Even though a teacher knew I was there, and was in fact there with me, the principal (I still don't know why he did this) called the police. My choice was this: be escorted out of school.
At this point I cannot describe how terrified I was. To make a long story short... the school though I was an oppositional student who was on drugs, and they had even recommended me to go to a school for people with behavoir and drug problems (when I tell this to people I know they laugh at it because I have a strong reputation for being a goody-to-shoes).
During the course of this time there was a point where all the aldults in my life did not believe anything I told them, causing me to become very depressed.
Fortunately, in the nick of time, my parents discovered that the school had broken several policies and they...well... made afew phone calls to clear things up. During this time I was switched from zoloft to prozac, which helped alot.
So this year was on hell of a year for me. But it also got me thinking. I have never met anybody who has acknowledged the psychological pain that occurs when one is being falsely accused of something. In my case, I feel especially betrayed because I went to the school for help, and they not only made a mess of it, but they couldn't even there own policies.
Now whenever I hear of a person in the news who was convicted of a crime, I wonder if they really are guilty. If they aren't, they are not only suffering, but they are suffering alone, as everyone else thinks the person is guilty, whereas the "guilty" person is the only one who knows the truth, and is starving for justice. This person is a victim of the system,n and my heart goes out to them.
I now know not only what it is like to have respect, but also I know what it is to have none. The story I told you here isn't nearly complete, and is just a small bit of what happened in those few months.
But because I know that my principal has wronged me, I have made the realizition that he often talks down to people... he often makes them feel less than human. He can no longer succeed in doing this to me. I always look him straight in the eye.
Thank god no one who works under him is like he is. I can tell that my counselor feels guilty about the decisions she didn't even make.
I am grateful to the resr of the students and teachers at the school, who helped me through that time.
Thankyou for reading the huge post. I really needed to get that off my chest. Feel free to post any comments... I would love to hear what other people's takes on this situation is.