Hello everyone

[satyr31337]

Hello everyone. As you may guess I am new here. I come from Canada, go the northern you think you can tolerate the coldness, and continue north for around 500km, once there you are probably some hours south of where I live, no polar bear, but almost. I just typed anxiety depression forum, and found this one, that seems nice. Hoped I could find some helps or anything for my anxiety, as often, half of the time, I can barely endure it without going to hospital.

I am anxious since a long time, a very long time, since childhood. I think the natural anxiety of mother transmitted to myself, and the fact that I been daily bullied(insulted, hitted, spitted on, clothes teared up, rocks thrown by the head, etc, everything, almost, that can happens). Back from school, there was my father who was literally scaring me up. He was aggressive and able to be violent, a bit physically, but everyday it was spoken violence, insult, threats, etc. I think all of this made the anxious person that I am today.

Nine or so months ago, at my work, the harassment and threats began on me. I had performance loses, only left bits of happiness I had was gone and alcohol/drugs problems been known, after I got hospitalized for many weeks, for a very severe pancreatitis(caused by way too much alcohol and drugs absorbed, that been personally prescribed to me by me to cure anxiety, social problems and depression). Daily harassment that puts me in pieces and increased by lots my anxiety. Until, I could not endure it anymore, left my works, and gone in total tears to the office of a medical doctor.

Since then, I am on medications, antypsychotic, anxyolitic, sleepaids, and see a psychiatris monthly, and someone who is kind of a psychologist but comes at home, helps me in my everyday life with any things/problems I may have. But, with all of that, I still suffer from anxiety half of the time, that I do not still fully control. But, slowly, with knowledge and experiences, I am solving it(I hope...) bits by bits. This forum may become a tool to resolve my anxiety, it is my reason of my presence.

I do not know how is my presentation post, I hope it is not too bad. I am always talking too much or almost not, never in the middle. And always insecure of my talkings and social skills. Well, I am glad to have found this forum, and hope I will get the chance to meet and knows the users, the people who got the same problems than me and the ones who seeks helping others.

I wish you all a good day

[Lin]

Good to meet you and I know you will get lots of support and friendly advice on here. I have only been on here for s few weeks and have made some lovely friends who have helped me when I needed help badly. I am sorry they your experiences in childhood and adulthood have been so difficult and no wonder you are not feeling well. As well as any medication you get through your doctor and psychiatrist you could also try meditation. My psychiatrist recommended it and it really does help. There are lots of different meditation groups. I go to a Buddha one which does not expect you to become a Buddhist but has wonderful teachings and guided meditation. I also go to s Christian group where you learn about god and how meditation helps and then have 20 minute silent meditation where you concentrate on one word. I would recommend you finding out if you have any such groups near you - when your head is busy and won't give you peace the meditation helps you to get head rest.

[satyr31337]

Thank for your reply and care, Lin. Well, I would like so much to believe in God(s) that would be recomforting I think. I readen the catholic Bible and others religious book, publications, trying to find some <answers> or something. But I am not religious. I had began to read about buddhism, and I liked lots it, but that been a while. It would be a nice idea to continue, it was great. But about the kind of groups you are talking about, there is none to my knowledge, where I live or near, I live in a small town isolated of everything, far of everything, without much here.

I plan to move out soon to the biggest city of my province, where I guess I will be able to find lots of support. But this stress me so much, I am alone here, without family or friends, and I do not know how I will be able to do it.

I never really tried meditation, and I think it would be a nice idea to inform myself about it. I think I will try tonight what you told me, to have a silent meditation and to concentrate on one word, a peaceful one I guess.

Thank again for your support, have a nice day/night as well :)

[Lin]

I hope that your try at meditation did help. There are lots of meditation exercises you can download for free from the internet which can help give you a change from just silent meditation. It sounds like if you manage to move where there is more available and not feel so isolated it will be much better, so it would be good if you you do manage it.