Anxiety ruined my relationship

[Kellie]

I had nowhere else to go but here.. After 3 years he left me because I changed, he wants a girl who feels completely comfortable going to public places and who isn't drugged up on meds.. I was unhappy and he and I both knew that but instead of support, he left, i panicked and i ripped up all my posters and i can't even go into my room without getting anxious, emotional, panicky.. I'm so lost..

[Lin]

Dear Kellie, I hope that by now you are feeling a bit better now than during the early hours of the morning. Depression can cause problems with relationships no matter how long you have been together. I have been married to my husband for 28 years and because this bout of depression has lasted 2 years, he is fed up with having no social life and living with me. I am lucky and he is trying to stick with me, but I know that at least a few times a week he hates the me I have become during this depression. Unfortunately, if your partner is unable to cope then you cannot do anything about him, but have to think about getting yourself better. Make sure that you get all the help you can to get better and concentrate on yourself. Once you are better, he will either come back if you want him, or you will have moved on and will find someone who will stand by you in really bad times. Please think about yourself at the moment and concentrate on getting better, you are far too young to be allowing another person rule and ruin your life. Only accept him back if he is able to help you, you cannot deal with someone who can't help you at the moment. Please look after yourself.

[alankay]

Ah who knows? He might have used it all as an excuse if he wanted to move on anyway. I'll just tell you If I(lots of guys) loved a woman, I would accept we needed to work on that and accept it's there as part of her. I would help her and get involved in as much as could be helpful, supportive etc. If he's not of this mindset and maturity, you're better off with someone who can accept this. NOT that it defines you but it is part of you like a diabetic or epileptic has a condition. I know this might not make it easier right now..................you will go on even be happier with someone else. Alankay

[Kellie]

I don't blame him completely, he didn't sign up for all of this.. And i know it was so hard for him, he was crying and out of all 3 years we were together he had never done that.. He said that i will always be his and that i need to get sorted.. Doesn't make it any less harder to hear.. Thankyou for the responses..

[NixonRulz]

I don't blame him completely, he didn't sign up for all of this.. And i know it was so hard for him, he was crying and out of all 3 years we were together he had never done that.. He said that i will always be his and that i need to get sorted.. Doesn't make it any less harder to hear.. Thankyou for the responses..

Kellie - your story is sad. It's unfortunate that things couldn't have worked out more favorably for you.

And you are wise not to put too much blame on him. Just as you are having a hard time dealing with this at a young age, your boyfriend was going through his own set of emotions through this. He is a young guy as well I imagine and this disorder isn't easy to understand, regardless of how much he wanted to.

This is in no way trying to make you feel better when I say that this is perhaps the best thing that could of happened to you. .

And what I mean is that, although you are understandably sad, without a boyfriend, this will give you time to work on you without any outside pressure.

You seem to be doing the right things so let time do what it does and heal you.

Once you get your symptoms a little better under control, and you will, then you can probably look at the past events with a little more clarity.

[Kellie]

Kellie - your story is sad. It's unfortunate that things couldn't have worked out more favorably for you.

And you are wise not to put too much blame on him. Just as you are having a hard time dealing with this at a young age, your boyfriend was going through his own set of emotions through this. He is a young guy as well I imagine and this disorder isn't easy to understand, regardless of how much he wanted to.

This is in no way trying to make you feel better when I say that this is perhaps the best thing that could of happened to you. .

And what I mean is that, although you are understandably sad, without a boyfriend, this will give you time to work on you without any outside pressure.

You seem to be doing the right things so let time do what it does and heal you.

Once you get your symptoms a little better under control, and you will, then you can probably look at the past events with a little more clarity.

Yeah, you're right.. I need to sort me out, its just a shame it had to include all of this.. Thankyou, alot of what you said makes alot of sense..

[NixonRulz]

Hey Kellie -

Just checking in with you to see how the last few days have been.

Hopefully you are doing well.

[jessed03]

I'm sorry to hear that Kellie. I do know what thats like, as do many others here, I'm sure.

Sometimes you have to chalk things up to life, huh. Sometimes there's no one to point that finger towards, and blame. I don't think you did anything wrong, you didn't ask for an anxiety disorder. You were just upset, and felt passionately about something in the moment. I don't think he was to blame either, some people have trouble processing this condition (though he wasn't the most supportive of people), it seems like one of those situations where you just have to lose. That's not very inspiring is it?

My anxiety caused me to lose a relationship with perhaps the woman that was the love of my life. She couldn't take anymore of the 'craziness'. We both tried to hang on and in the end, it just hurt us too much. Perhaps I scarred her for life. I hope not. Anyway, now she's getting married. I do think about her quite a lot. I'm glad shes happy really, after the rollercoaster I put her through.

It made me incredibly determined though (after all the anger and sadness), that I was going to get on top of this condition. I was going to understand it, and I was going to find peace. My therapist said wise words that always stuck with me "Whatever you put in front of your recovery, you usually lose" I've found it very true. Get healthy. Find the love you need inside of you. Work towards peace.

Come back better!

[Kellie]

Thankyou guys.. My anxiety is so bad, i have bearly slept or eaten since monday.. I can't get out of bed.. I found out that the day after we broke up that his best mate had a car crash and died and the same day he lost his job and had to move back in with my parents.. I've had this anxiety where i think he's killed himself and im scared to sleep and wake up to find hes gone.. I have these dreams about it when i do fall asleep and i wake up and hear sirens for like a few seconds.. I can't go to school and i missed out on so many things, i cant see my therapist for 3 weeks but starting on meds on friday.. Sorry im going on.. -.- Thankyou for that. I will write that down, thats a very wise thing to say. .

[NixonRulz]

Well I for one believe you have gone through enough pain for the month of April.

I'm on good terms with the man up above. I'll let Him know your April dance card is full

Sounds as if your ex is having a rough go as well

I don't advocate one way or another for meds but it is good you are willing to give it a go. They help so many people.

They got me straight during my worst times just so I could deal with what I was feeling. It really reduces the anxiety to where I felt I could finally have a moments peace without the racing thoughts.

I hope they help you the way they help a lot of others and you can be on your way through this

Although it wouldnt seem so, all this is just a moment in your life

You will quickly get past this and on your way to great things.

[Kellie]

Well I for one believe you have gone through enough pain for the month of April.

I'm on good terms with the man up above. I'll let Him know your April dance card is full

Sounds as if your ex is having a rough go as well

I don't advocate one way or another for meds but it is good you are willing to give it a go. They help so many people.

They got me straight during my worst times just so I could deal with what I was feeling. It really reduces the anxiety to where I felt I could finally have a moments peace without the racing thoughts.

I hope they help you the way they help a lot of others and you can be on your way through this

Although it wouldnt seem so, all this is just a moment in your life

You will quickly get past this and on your way to great things.

Thank you, all this support really does help!

[Nelly]

Hi kellie - tough things you're going through right now. I don't have a wise things to say as the others :) , but I know you will succeed in your task of shutting your thoughts up and start to see the little beauties in life.
My therapist told me once something that first made me really angry, then confused and finally truly grateful and peaceful: 'nelly, your thoughts aren't reality. Your feelings aren't reality. You need to gentle with you self and stuff a wedge in between your thoughts/emotions and the actual reality around you'

I thought he was kidding me about my primary perceptionways not being reality - wtf?! But i found he was so right in this, at least for my part :) maybe this would help u, maybe not . :) anyway, wishy u comfort from within.

[Kellie]

Hi kellie - tough things you're going through right now. I don't have a wise things to say as the others :) , but I know you will succeed in your task of shutting your thoughts up and start to see the little beauties in life.
My therapist told me once something that first made me really angry, then confused and finally truly grateful and peaceful: 'nelly, your thoughts aren't reality. Your feelings aren't reality. You need to gentle with you self and stuff a wedge in between your thoughts/emotions and the actual reality around you'

I thought he was kidding me about my primary perceptionways not being reality - wtf?! But i found he was so right in this, at least for my part :) maybe this would help u, maybe not . :) anyway, wishy u comfort from within.

Thankyou, seriously, ill keep that in mind..

[jessed03]

Hi kellie - tough things you're going through right now. I don't have a wise things to say as the others :) , but I know you will succeed in your task of shutting your thoughts up and start to see the little beauties in life.
My therapist told me once something that first made me really angry, then confused and finally truly grateful and peaceful: 'nelly, your thoughts aren't reality. Your feelings aren't reality. You need to gentle with you self and stuff a wedge in between your thoughts/emotions and the actual reality around you'

I thought he was kidding me about my primary perceptionways not being reality - wtf?! But i found he was so right in this, at least for my part :) maybe this would help u, maybe not . :) anyway, wishy u comfort from within.

Really good post Nelly. I think most people that have been 'cured' from anxiety, have said something similar to what you've just said. I remember what a shake up it was for me, when I realized there was a difference between my perception, and reality. It was quite mind blowing really, as you've found out :).

Don't worry about 'rambling on' Kellie! We'll listen to whatever you feel like saying. There are no holds barred here, nor are there any limits for post lengths hehe. Share whatever you wanna share, whenever you wanna share it. I echo Nelly's sentiments, I hope you find comfort soon!

[Kellie]

Really good post Nelly. I think most people that have been 'cured' from anxiety, have said something similar to what you've just said. I remember what a shake up it was for me, when I realized there was a difference between my perception, and reality. It was quite mind blowing really, as you've found out :).

Don't worry about 'rambling on' Kellie! We'll listen to whatever you feel like saying. There are no holds barred here, nor are there any limits for post lengths hehe. Share whatever you wanna share, whenever you wanna share it. I echo Nelly's sentiments, I hope you find comfort soon!

Alot of what you guys have said has made a lot of sense and i feel a lil better about it today.. And i realized that all of the people in here are so supportive.. So thank you..

[Lin]

Everyone understands on here a lot of what you are going through and will help however they can. It sounds as if your past boyfriend has had a rough time too with losing a friend and job. But if it is too hard to help him because you are definitely over, then you must start worrying about just yourself and how you are going to get back on track with school etc. Lying in bed is nice and easy but will not help you to get better, you need to push yourself to think about yourself, eating regularly and healthy and getting back to school so got something back in your life. Hard and a struggle, but something you need to start doing or after too long it will be even harder.

[Kellie]

I know but i can't let go.. Its so hard, but school holidays are coming up so i have time to think about what really i need.. I can't face anybody, not even my mother and i shake all the time, having anxiety is the worst

I know it will be okay, will just take time..