Am I depressed? Is this real? Shy or Lazy?

[Chris21]

Ever since I was a kid I've had a hard time connecting with other people. I get by, but feel almost hopeless in most social situations. I just kinda stand there and laugh when everyone else does and try to keep a smile on my face. The best way I can describe it is my mind goes blank, it becomes hard to be engaged in conversation the way everyone else seems to be. I cant follow. I didn't have a solid group of friends until 9th grade and senior year was when I started realizing I was very quiet and shy. I dont know if im taking life to serious or if i have a problem. After highschool I didnt make any friends in college at all. I turned to weed to solve my problems. I dont know why, I always thought I was level headed, my friends would always tell me I had my head screwed on right, but when I wasnt making friends or felt left out I guess I used pot as an ice breaker. I ended up removing myself from my group of friends and started smoking a lot. I didnt have a job and would steal money for weed. I think my parents knew I was stealing money but they never said much. After a while I would justify taking money by telling myself I'd just kill myself if they had a problem with it. Ive had thoughts of suicide and how i would do it. I dont know what to do. I know no one wants to be around the sad guy, and I appreciate when my friends are nice and ask me stuff when im quiet, but i feel theyre annoyed by how awkward I am. I just feel like I have a list of regrets now that all come from this problem of me feeling like I cant keep up. I cant make sense of it. Sometimes I think Im just lazy, or shy and cant cope. I feel all over the place. Please any advice would be great.

[Duck Daffy]

Hey, Chris, I wrote the book on socially awkwardness. Standing and staring into the surrounding nothingness, hesitating to speak, while friends had a great time socializing around me. I feel I've progressed tremendously socially, with a surprisingly simple solution : don't give a single fuck about what people may or may not think. I realized that I was only awkward because I feared being awkward. In the midst of conversation, a friend would say something that reminded me of a joke, but out of fear of the joke possibly not being funny, I would hesitate to say it until the topic changed and it was too late. My fears of being awkward were based on hypotheticals (what if they don't know what I'm talking about, what if that isn't funny, etc). You can't live in fear of hypotheticals because if you do, you will be crippled by your fear.

Once I gained the confidence, social situations became a lot easier, but I was still a little 'different' socially. Socializing is a skill. Like with all skills, practice is necessary. This may sound scary, but talk to people. Go to your local gym, library (if those still exist), or any other public location. Whoever, wherever, force yourself to pay attention to what they're saying, be inquisitive, be genuine, and most importantly approach the situation positively. You'd be surprised at how deep a conversation will become with a simple 'hello'. Eventually, your social confidence will become natural and that old fear of being awkward will be gone.

And don't worry about friends. I'm only 18, but I've already learned that 9 out of 10 friends are temporary. Besides, "friends" are overrated. Not only are they temporary, but some of them just use you. If a person is genuinely there for you through thick and thin, than they are a friend. Keep this person close, because they are not a populous breed.

Weed, technically, isn't bad for your health (as potheads have reminded us time and time and time and time again...) However, if you're becoming dependent on it, then there's a problem. Like most "friends", the relief you feel from the high of weed is temporary. When the high fades, you feel like shit again. It's a vicious cycle. The only way to end this cycle is internal repair. Approach your inner troubles and try to correct them to the best of your abilities. Only you can completely help yourself. Not drugs, not a therapist, and NOT a miniature schnauzer wearing a Christmas sweater.

I've been anxious, I've been depressed, and I've absolutely loathed myself completely (still working on that last one haha). But suicide is never the answer. Ever.

Reason being, what would it accomplish? Sure, you're free from your troubles, but what now? You're dead. Heaven, hell, fertilizer for the earth, reincarnation, whatever you believe, your existence is over. Suicide is like always running away from the bully pursuing you in the schoolyard. But when you finally accumulate the courage to stand up and face your problems head on, that's when everything changes. Sure, the bully may pulverize you to a pulp, but the fact is, you may be bleeding, but you're still breathing!

This is not an easy task. Gonna tell you now, you will fail. A lot. But persevere! That's how we become stronger, in the face of death, we continue. Don't live in fear. Take chances and see what happens. Welcome to the site, by the way, Chris!

[Chris21]

Hey, Chris, I wrote the book on socially awkwardness. Standing and staring into the surrounding nothingness, hesitating to speak, while friends had a great time socializing around me. I feel I've progressed tremendously socially, with a surprisingly simple solution : don't give a single fuck about what people may or may not think. I realized that I was only awkward because I feared being awkward. In the midst of conversation, a friend would say something that reminded me of a joke, but out of fear of the joke possibly not being funny, I would hesitate to say it until the topic changed and it was too late. My fears of being awkward were based on hypotheticals (what if they don't know what I'm talking about, what if that isn't funny, etc). You can't live in fear of hypotheticals because if you do, you will be crippled by your fear.

Once I gained the confidence, social situations became a lot easier, but I was still a little 'different' socially. Socializing is a skill. Like with all skills, practice is necessary. This may sound scary, but talk to people. Go to your local gym, library (if those still exist), or any other public location. Whoever, wherever, force yourself to pay attention to what they're saying, be inquisitive, be genuine, and most importantly approach the situation positively. You'd be surprised at how deep a conversation will become with a simple 'hello'. Eventually, your social confidence will become natural and that old fear of being awkward will be gone.

And don't worry about friends. I'm only 18, but I've already learned that 9 out of 10 friends are temporary. Besides, "friends" are overrated. Not only are they temporary, but some of them just use you. If a person is genuinely there for you through thick and thin, than they are a friend. Keep this person close, because they are not a populous breed.

Weed, technically, isn't bad for your health (as potheads have reminded us time and time and time and time again...) However, if you're becoming dependent on it, then there's a problem. Like most "friends", the relief you feel from the high of weed is temporary. When the high fades, you feel like shit again. It's a vicious cycle. The only way to end this cycle is internal repair. Approach your inner troubles and try to correct them to the best of your abilities. Only you can completely help yourself. Not drugs, not a therapist, and NOT a miniature schnauzer wearing a Christmas sweater.

I've been anxious, I've been depressed, and I've absolutely loathed myself completely (still working on that last one haha). But suicide is never the answer. Ever.

Reason being, what would it accomplish? Sure, you're free from your troubles, but what now? You're dead. Heaven, hell, fertilizer for the earth, reincarnation, whatever you believe, your existence is over. Suicide is like always running away from the bully pursuing you in the schoolyard. But when you finally accumulate the courage to stand up and face your problems head on, that's when everything changes. Sure, the bully may pulverize you to a pulp, but the fact is, you may be bleeding, but you're still breathing!

This is not an easy task. Gonna tell you now, you will fail. A lot. But persevere! That's how we become stronger, in the face of death, we continue. Don't live in fear. Take chances and see what happens. Welcome to the site, by the way, Chris!

Thanks! I really appreciate your help. It gave me a good perspective.

[Duck Daffy]

No problem, bro! I'm glad I could help. There's a ton of smart people here, so don't hesitate to post. Good luck in your struggle, bro!

[Moonstone]

Hey there :)
Sorry you are having a rough go of things! I do know what it feels like. Suicide is a permenant thing to a temporary problem. It is never the answer. I had thought about it and played the tape all the way through. I saw my mom my brother and others who care about me, just bawling, crying uncontrolably at my funeral. I felt there pain and in no time I began to cry, thinking about what it would do to them, if it were real...if I had committed sUicide. I neveR thought about doing such damage to myself and others. I had a childhood friend who did kill himself and it absolutely devestated me. This happened in the early 90's and I am still not over it completely. I never will be.

Do look into getting a thErapist or psyciatrist. They will be able to help give you the tools needed to help yourself. You don't have to do this alone. Tthere are people out there that can really help. Help you get prespective on lots of things going on in life. Help you to enjoy life better. And the best thing about therapy is that they are bound to keep what you tell them to themselves :). They have to, its the law.

And we are here too. You are not alone :) ((( HUG ))))