New to this board

[nophone]

Hello. I am new to this board. I have been on Wellbutrin for 5 years now. Started combined with prozac but gradually removed that. It all started with a move and crying on shower floor. I feel better now, but the last 6 months have been rough. I got laid off from my job 6 months ago. I have been applying to jobs and then getting responses. When it comes to replying to emails, I am fine. When I get a phone call, I can't take it. I don't pick up the phone. I can't do phone interviews. I either let it go to voice mail and never call back or just turn my phone off. Then I get an email and reply that I have a family emergency and will contact them later. And then I never do. I feel so guilty. I have not told anyone that I am doing this. My husband thinks I am just not getting calls. I keep sabotaging myself like this. I don't feel smart enough to talk to anyone. I am a software engineer and should be able to do this. I just can't. I don't know why.

Anyway, that is me. I feel like an idiot. Why can't I just talk to these people?

Thanks for letting me get this out.

[locksey]

Hello. I am new to this board. I have been on Wellbutrin for 5 years now. Started combined with prozac but gradually removed that. It all started with a move and crying on shower floor. I feel better now, but the last 6 months have been rough. I got laid off from my job 6 months ago. I have been applying to jobs and then getting responses. When it comes to replying to emails, I am fine. When I get a phone call, I can't take it. I don't pick up the phone. I can't do phone interviews. I either let it go to voice mail and never call back or just turn my phone off. Then I get an email and reply that I have a family emergency and will contact them later. And then I never do. I feel so guilty. I have not told anyone that I am doing this. My husband thinks I am just not getting calls. I keep sabotaging myself like this. I don't feel smart enough to talk to anyone. I am a software engineer and should be able to do this. I just can't. I don't know why.

Anyway, that is me. I feel like an idiot. Why can't I just talk to these people?

Thanks for letting me get this out.


Hiya.... Yeah I dnt like talkin on the fone even to friends I prefer texin etc ..... And I hate interviews but thankfully I dnt hav to do interviews anymore as I wrk 4 an agency so I just get placed sumwhere ( if I want the job ) so it's cool

[nophone]

Hiya.... Yeah I dnt like talkin on the fone even to friends I prefer texin etc ..... And I hate interviews but thankfully I dnt hav to do interviews anymore as I wrk 4 an agency so I just get placed sumwhere ( if I want the job ) so it's cool

I don't like talking on the phone with family either. Working for an agency sounds like it would be perfect for me. Maybe I should look into it. Thanks a bunch.

[locksey]

I don't like talking on the phone with family either. Working for an agency sounds like it would be perfect for me. Maybe I should look into it. Thanks a bunch.

What type ov wrk do u do ?

[nophone]

What type ov wrk do u do ?

I am a software engineer. Programming. I am so out of the loop as far as new technology that I feel like I can't do anything. All these jobs just feel like I wouldn't stand a chance. I think that is why I am sabotaging myself. I feel useless sometimes. I am at home all day, kids are in school, husband works lots and worries lots about jobs. He is under lots of pressure at his job and hopefully he won't lose his also. I am a terrible housewife. I hate cooking and cleaning. I drive the kids to and from school and to all activities. I just feel lost. :-(

[locksey]

I am a software engineer. Programming. I am so out of the loop as far as new technology that I feel like I can't do anything. All these jobs just feel like I wouldn't stand a chance. I think that is why I am sabotaging myself. I feel useless sometimes. I am at home all day, kids are in school, husband works lots and worries lots about jobs. He is under lots of pressure at his job and hopefully he won't lose his also. I am a terrible housewife. I hate cooking and cleaning. I drive the kids to and from school and to all activities. I just feel lost. :-(

I doubt yr a terrible housewife !! It's just the way u are feeling at the mo... And I'm sure u are very gd at yr job and prob wud pik up the " new technology " very quickly , sumone like me wud take ages , I get the kids at Skool to help me if I have to cover a lesson as dnt av a clue bowt computers etc ... So do u have anxiety etc or just wat uve mentioned above ?

[nophone]

I doubt yr a terrible housewife !! It's just the way u are feeling at the mo... And I'm sure u are very gd at yr job and prob wud pik up the " new technology " very quickly , sumone like me wud take ages , I get the kids at Skool to help me if I have to cover a lesson as dnt av a clue bowt computers etc ... So do u have anxiety etc or just wat uve mentioned above ?

Very much so anxiety. The wellbutrin keeps the depression in check, mostly. I don't like to leave my house if I don't have to. I drop the kids at school and go home and don't leave again until I have to pick them up. I am on the computer, playing games, looking for jobs, surfing. I watch tv. I do run on the treadmill 3 times per week. I did have the prozac a while back,but it made me not feel like me and was terrible for my sex drive. The job hunting is really hurting me these days. i feel useless and worthless. i can't talk to these recruiters on the phone cuz then they will know that i know nothing. ugh!! don't want anymore meds. i wish i didn't have to work. but living in california with 3 kids leaves me no choice.

Sorry for the rambling. Thanks for listening.

[locksey]

Very much so anxiety. The wellbutrin keeps the depression in check, mostly. I don't like to leave my house if I don't have to. I drop the kids at school and go home and don't leave again until I have to pick them up. I am on the computer, playing games, looking for jobs, surfing. I watch tv. I do run on the treadmill 3 times per week. I did have the prozac a while back,but it made me not feel like me and was terrible for my sex drive. The job hunting is really hurting me these days. i feel useless and worthless. i can't talk to these recruiters on the phone cuz then they will know that i know nothing. ugh!! don't want anymore meds. i wish i didn't have to work. but living in california with 3 kids leaves me no choice.

Sorry for the rambling. Thanks for listening.

No, prob.... It's nice to chat on here and have pple understand and not judge u

Because there are so many people on here I'm tryin to get a few that I've posted on a few times on a friends list so it's easier to find /remember so I'll request u aswel.

Is there any other career u cud do that u know ?

I use to work in retail , became a mgr, had my own concession and after 7yrs with the company I ad to give up my job as panic disorder had got so bad. . I was off/out ov wrk for nearly a year then I got into wrkin in a children's home with violent/challenging behaviour children and young people then frm that I progressed into wrkin in Skool either behaviour or special needs, at the mo I'm in a Skool workin ad a T.A.
I love wrkin with children and in a funny way , if I hadn't ov been ill and had to be off wrk/ give my job up then I wudnt prob stil stuck in retail.
P.s..... I'm frm Birmingham , England

[nophone]

No, prob.... It's nice to chat on here and have pple understand and not judge u

Because there are so many people on here I'm tryin to get a few that I've posted on a few times on a friends list so it's easier to find /remember so I'll request u aswel.

Is there any other career u cud do that u know ?

I use to work in retail , became a mgr, had my own concession and after 7yrs with the company I ad to give up my job as panic disorder had got so bad. . I was off/out ov wrk for nearly a year then I got into wrkin in a children's home with violent/challenging behaviour children and young people then frm that I progressed into wrkin in Skool either behaviour or special needs, at the mo I'm in a Skool workin ad a T.A.
I love wrkin with children and in a funny way , if I hadn't ov been ill and had to be off wrk/ give my job up then I wudnt prob stil stuck in retail.
P.s..... I'm frm Birmingham , England

Thanks for being my friend. I would love to get into another line of work. I don't want to go back to school though. I would love to work in the medical field somewhere. I was thinking of volunteering at a hospital, but that involves calling them and then going there. I don't know if I can do that.

[locksey]

Would u need to go bak 2 skool if yr volunteering ? U cud get experience whilst just been there ...
Maybe it's worth a shot & u wud t feel trapped there as u cud walk out anytime , that's how I look at things with my job , no-one kan physically make me stay , " yes" I may loose my job etc but that's not the end ov life, there are other jobs .. It's sumtimes how I get thru a day as stil struggle

[nophone]

Would u need to go bak 2 skool if yr volunteering ? U cud get experience whilst just been there ...
Maybe it's worth a shot & u wud t feel trapped there as u cud walk out anytime , that's how I look at things with my job , no-one kan physically make me stay , " yes" I may loose my job etc but that's not the end ov life, there are other jobs .. It's sumtimes how I get thru a day as stil struggle

You are right about walking out. But if I did that, then the guilt would eat thru me. I was hoping some company would give me a chance to learn new stuff. I am not asking for lots of money either. Would actually like an entry level job. Don't want any work pressure. It would be great if I could volunteer at the hospital in the offices somewhere. That would be my ideal job. Part time also. I want to be able to continue running in the mornings. When I was working before I was up at 4:30 every morning and drive 1 hour to work. No time to work out. And I was exhausted and very unhappy. I like not working, but feel guilty. I haven't told my hubby about any of these feelings cuz i feel that i should not be feeling them. i guess he would understand but i don't want him to know how useless i really am. and he would be upset about the not answering the phone. he really wants me to work again. sigh! i am sure not sure what to do. wish i could just stop life for a while and figure it all out but it just keeps on going. i just turned 49 so that is probably part of the anxiety, too. i get anxious about dying a lot. i don't wanna do it.

can't reply to private messages yet. need 4 more posts. sorry.

[locksey]

K .. No probs.. I only joined this bowt 3wks ago and classed as senior member alredi .. I've sent u my email incase u ever wan chat outside ov this site...
Yeah , I hav a problem wid my age .. I look younger than I am so get treated younger ( which isn't a problem ) but I'm quite young in my head and I tend to compare myself to other pple my age . ( I'm 38 )

I think u shud mayb look into it ... If u was over here I'd cum with u 4 support...
If yr husband is understanding then mayb talk to him and b honest in how u are feeling.
I'd def keep busy tho as in the more u stop doin things or goin places the more anxiety will restrict u ... I've been there , where I've been afraid to even go outside but " Amen " I'm not in that place now , yes I stil struggle , yes I stil have my boundaries/limits etc but I've been dealing wid this since age ov 11 so I dnt really knw any diff...

Anyway .. I'd better try 'n' get sum sleep as its 2:20am and I'm stil wide awek :-/

[alankay]

Sounds like social anxiety(SA) is a big driver of problems for you. Maybe a lower dose of prozac or another ssri would be a better idea than no ssri at all. Also if racing heart/tremor/shaking is an issue as well ask about a beta blocker. Even at a low dose(20mg) one like propranolol can be very helpful. I hated phone and interviews as well as I worried my voice shook. Beta blocker helped that allot.
Give yourself some credit, you must know enough to be of value and therefore employable. I hate meds too as much as a diabetic or epileptic must but that's the sad deal. :(
I'm 49 too so yeah that's a stressor to take into account. But age has it benefits too. :)
Locksey, do you know if the Cotswalds are as charming as they say??
Alankay

[locksey]

Sounds like social anxiety(SA) is a big driver of problems for you. Maybe a lower dose of prozac or another ssri would be a better idea than no ssri at all. Also if racing heart/tremor/shaking is an issue as well ask about a beta blocker. Even at a low dose(20mg) one like propranolol can be very helpful. I hated phone and interviews as well as I worried my voice shook. Beta blocker helped that allot.
Give yourself some credit, you must know enough to be of value and therefore employable. I hate meds too as much as a diabetic or epileptic must but that's the sad deal. :( Alankay

Yeah , I take propanalol 80mg but more or less have weaned myself off it .. Also take sertraline as even tho its an anti-depressant it app also helps wid anxiety

[locksey]

Sounds like social anxiety(SA) is a big driver of problems for you. Maybe a lower dose of prozac or another ssri would be a better idea than no ssri at all. Also if racing heart/tremor/shaking is an issue as well ask about a beta blocker. Even at a low dose(20mg) one like propranolol can be very helpful. I hated phone and interviews as well as I worried my voice shook. Beta blocker helped that allot.
Give yourself some credit, you must know enough to be of value and therefore employable. I hate meds too as much as a diabetic or epileptic must but that's the sad deal. :(
I'm 49 too so yeah that's a stressor to take into account. But age has it benefits too. :)
Locksey, do you know if the Cotswalds are as charming as they say??
Alankay

I havnt been myself but supposed 2b beautiful arnd there ... Presume u live in England then looooool

[locksey]

Alankay.... I've just googled " the Cotswolds " and it looks luvly ... Very picturesque .. Thatch houses, country roads , little villages ...

[nophone]

Alankay.... I've just googled " the Cotswolds " and it looks luvly ... Very picturesque .. Thatch houses, country roads , little villages ...

I have never been to England. Lived in California, Colorado and now California again. Would like to travel,but have to wait til kids are out of college.

I guess I have some skills since I have had jobs for the last 20 years or so. I just feel like I am so out of the new technology that no one will hire me. And then when I find a job that I feel like I am qualified for and apply for it and get a phone call about it, I don't pick up the phone. I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself like this. I think I don't want to work, but i have to. I don't know how to get over that phobia that I will get asked something that I don't know. I have had some phone interviews that has happened at and I don't want that to happen again. I guess I am so afraid of rejection that I don't even want to try. I hung up on someone and turned off my phone during a phone interview once. So unprofessional. I don't have any confidence in myself. And I keep all this inside. That is why I needed to get this out. I have 3 people I should call on Monday. How can I get myself to do it? All 3 would probably be good jobs. One is a 10 minute commute,but the others are around 1 hour. I don't know what to do. I just want to get into bed and cry. I am so mad at myself. Loser!!!

[locksey]

I have never been to England. Lived in California, Colorado and now California again. Would like to travel,but have to wait til kids are out of college.

I guess I have some skills since I have had jobs for the last 20 years or so. I just feel like I am so out of the new technology that no one will hire me. And then when I find a job that I feel like I am qualified for and apply for it and get a phone call about it, I don't pick up the phone. I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself like this. I think I don't want to work, but i have to. I don't know how to get over that phobia that I will get asked something that I don't know. I have had some phone interviews that has happened at and I don't want that to happen again. I guess I am so afraid of rejection that I don't even want to try. I hung up on someone and turned off my phone during a phone interview once. So unprofessional. I don't have any confidence in myself. And I keep all this inside. That is why I needed to get this out. I have 3 people I should call on Monday. How can I get myself to do it? All 3 would probably be good jobs. One is a 10 minute commute,but the others are around 1 hour. I don't know what to do. I just want to get into bed and cry. I am so mad at myself. Loser!!!

Hiya.... I think u shud just go 4 it " as in pik up the fone " as thinking about it ... The pple on the fone dnt knw u , they can't see u and u cnt see them and at the end of the day if u have to put the fone down half-way thru SO WHAT ..... Does it matter ? NO.... But at least u picked up the fone and I'm sure the more u do it the easier it may becum...... If the hour drive one u feel is to much for u then dnt go for it , go for the 10min one ....

[nophone]

Hiya.... I think u shud just go 4 it " as in pik up the fone " as thinking about it ... The pple on the fone dnt knw u , they can't see u and u cnt see them and at the end of the day if u have to put the fone down half-way thru SO WHAT ..... Does it matter ? NO.... But at least u picked up the fone and I'm sure the more u do it the easier it may becum...... If the hour drive one u feel is to much for u then dnt go for it , go for the 10min one ....

I am going to try to pick up the phone and call tomorrow. I hope I can do it. Today is lots of chores so I am keeping busy. Keeps my mind off of me and on my family. Thanks so much for all your help. I will definitely let you know what happens tomorrow. :-)

[jbevis]

I am going to try to pick up the phone and call tomorrow. I hope I can do it. Today is lots of chores so I am keeping busy. Keeps my mind off of me and on my family. Thanks so much for all your help. I will definitely let you know what happens tomorrow. :-)

Good Luck!

[locksey]

Good 4u...... Yeah let me know ..