Anxiety after breakup

[willrich]

Hi I'm not one for doing this sort of thing and I honestly feel a but silly doing it because I feel as though I shouldn't be getting anxious about something like this. I'm hoping someone out there can help though.

I'm a 30 year guy and have just recently broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year. I've never suffered with any sort of anxiety before, but since the break up I feel like I'm loosing it.

I feel hard for this girl I mean madly deeply in love with her and I honestly thought she felt the same way. I mean she was the type of girl most guys dream of gorgeous, funny, intelligent, caring and I could go on listing things for a while. We had already talked about living together, marriage and kids and for the first time in my life I wanted all of those things and more. We had to deal with it being a long distance relationship as she had to more away for work. We was making it work at least I thought we was. Then about 2 months ago just after our year anniversary she said she was having doubts about our relationship. I wanted to fight and make things work, but she seem to just give up at the first hurdle. So we spent some time apart. That when I started to feel extremely anxious about everything. I lost my appetite couldn't sleep properly and just felt like I couldn't function.

So after two weeks of not really knowing what's going on she decided to end it over the phone. I know that because of the distance between us it was just how it happened, but I found it hard not doing it face to face. The reason she gave for breaking up where mainly the long distance thing and also she felt like she needed some time to herself. She wasn't totally clear on the reasons as she contradicted herself a few times. She said she still really cares about me and also said that if it wasn't for the long distance things would probably have worked out. I told her exactly how I feel in all honesty I poured my heart out to her. I'm not an overly emotional guy, but I completely broke down which is something I'm not used to I'm more broken up over this than when I lost my father a few years back. I'm just confused as to how she's feeling and obviously if I've still got a chance with her. I'm still completely and totally in love with get she is the first and last thing I think about. I've tried to keep my self busy, but the things I used enjoy doing to relax no longer help. We are meant to be seeing each other next week so I'm now stressing about how I should deal with the situation and what I should say to her.

Since the break up my symptoms of anxiety have got worse I barley eat it sleep I constantly feel sick and like I've got a lump in my throat. I'm having heart palpitations and shortness of breath and just generally feel claustrophobic and on the edge of crying (which as I said is nothing like me). I've never had to deal with these sort of feeling before I've always been the sort of person who whenever life give me a problem I just brush myself off and move on I've always been a resilient person. Having never suffers with anxiety I wasn't sure what it was at first, but after a bit of research and talking to my sister who suffers from it I think that's what it is. I'm considering seeing my doctor as its effecting my day to day life. I'm extremely lucky I've got a good circle of friends and family around me because if I didn't I'm certain thing would be much worse.

As I said earlier I've never done this sort of thing so I apologise if I've rambled on a bit. I'm just hoping someone could help or just give a little advise.

Thanks

[PanicCured]

My friend, listen to me. From one bro to another:

My serious anxiety disorder started after I crashed from the stress and exhaustion of a break up. I got so depressed and was so stressed out for so many months, I had a nervous breakdown eventually. This girl did every evil thing you could imagine to me.

Let me tell you something, no girl is worth it! From one guy to another, it's not worth it! The best thing you can do is delete her from your life 100%! No friendship, no FB friends, and I would change my cell phone number. Pretend she is dead. I know its harsh, but you have to get rid of that bitch from every aspect of your life. That girl has no class! Ends it over the phone and doesn't even have the balls to give you a straight answer. What a lot of these cowardly women will do, is not fully let go of you and they will say things like if it wasn't for the distance she'd still be with you. That is bullshit! If you made your final plea, that you 100% want to be with her and work it out, and ask her if she is willing to make it work, and then she does not say yes, then she needs to be dead to you. Don't accept wishy washy answers. Women are cowards and do not give you straight answers. If you have already laid it all down and she did not say yes, then make her absent from your life. This is so hard to do, but will save you months of agony.

Like a drug, it will take a few weeks until you are detoxed. Then after, if you have cut off all contact in every way, you will be much better. Do not have sex with her, do not talk to her, do not tweet or text. Erase her from your memory. If you don't you will find out some other guy is fucking her and you will lose it. It's over. Move on. This is the point where you get out clean. If you have zero contact, you will totally heal and bounce back. Work on yourself. Having sex with other girls won't actually help that much, but do it if it comes up. Trust me on this. I have outlined the path to get past this. You had a good run, move on. Just a stupid chick.

NO CONTACT! DO NOT ENGAGE! YOU CAN'T WIN! LET IT GO!

[lsapphirel]

Women are not cowards. Where did you come out from my dear Panic Cured? Men sometimes give that same reason too. You really have issues man. Take a chill pill.

On the other note, Panic Cured is right. Do not have contacts at all. Long Distance Relationships are hard to maintain. It takes a lot of effort and it needs 2 to make it happen. LDR is really a mental torture. My dear, all these things happen for a reason. Cry your hearts out, vent it, drink it, and finally wake up and live your life. My advice, dont even try to accept when she tries to come back, because it will hurt even more, it will screw your head straight up. Do not even peek or ask about her. Trust me, its not gonna help. It will bring you down more. I know how much in love you are with her, i know how hurt you are. The pain sometimes clutches your heart physically, the agony of not hearing her voice, you wonder what shes doing at this very minute, you cant get her out of your mind, you wish you could be there with her and try to fix things, but honestly my dear, she doesnt treasure you. She doesnt want any of this, she just gave you a simple excuse so that she wouldnt hurt you further. If she really loves you, nothing will stop her from wanting to be with you.

[PanicCured]

You are not a guy. You don't understand, I told him exactly what he needs to hear in the tone that it needs to be told. My advice is sound and solid. I hope he listens to me and forgets her!

[trinidiva]

You are not a guy. You don't understand, I told him exactly what he needs to hear in the tone that it needs to be told. My advice is sound and solid. I hope he listens to me and forgets her!

Partly good advice panic cured.....you said women ( meaning all) are cowards. I personally say it like it is, and I'm a woman..... If all women are cowards, is your mother one? Just sayin......... *wink*

I do believe it is good advice to cut ties. It's hard, but will make things easier in the long run. I'm sorry you are going through this, I think everything goes through it at least once.

[streakybacon]

Listen to these ladies dude they rite. Dont try turn yer love into hate jus try make peace with it. Dont try 4getin her either u had good times and hav good memories no1 can take that away. just dont dwell on it constantly. Time is a wonderful healer.

[lsapphirel]

You are not a guy. You don't understand, I told him exactly what he needs to hear in the tone that it needs to be told. My advice is sound and solid. I hope he listens to me and forgets her!

You really bear a huge grudge from the past dont you? You must forgive her or youre forever gonna be stuck in that dark vicious cycle. You may have moved on from your ex but youre still harbouring hate.

Anyways, my advice, cut all contacts for now, heal your heart, but you must face her someday and forgive. If youre able to do that, youre a better man and you feel so much better and you feel free and light. Dont let her haunt you. It will affect your future relationships.

Dont hate, everyone gets angry at one point. But hate is a burden.