Heart awareness

[onebreathatatime]

I find once in a while when I am really nervous I will have really bad awareness of my heart when trying to go to sleep. I will feel so tired and want to sleep yet it will feel like my heart is racing and pounding hard. When I check my pulse its only around 80 which I know at any other given time wouldn't stress me at all. Anyone else have the same problem trying to sleep? What do you do to help the situation?

[jessed03]

I have breath awareness. ITS AWFUL!. But, I think I've conquered it now. I was tempted to go to the doctors to get some Luvox, as I thought maybe this was a deep OCD issue that I wouldn't be able to solve without drugs. My problem was a case of Somnimotor OCD. It's basically just an obsession about certain bodily activites, such as breathing, heart beat, blinking etc. No, I really don't think you have this, as what you have seems typical of an anxiety disorder.

What you have seems like a typical harmless case of heart palpitations. Obviously heart palps are totally harmless, but very annoying!! And hard to ignore.

Here is what I did to overcome the Breathing OCD I had, and what I'm certain will help you overcome your problem.

Anything goes. What the heart wants to do, let it do. Let it do it. If you've checked it once, and you're only at a rate of about 80, then you're fine. You don't have any problems to worry about.

My problem, my anxiety, the reason I couldn't sleep without focusing on my breathing, was the belief that was tied up with that said act. I believed my breathing was indicitive of my health. The slower my breathing, the less stressed I was, the fitter I was, the more relaxed I was. I subconsciously tried to find ways to alter my breathing, but realized I couldn't just make myself breathe like a monk in a matter of seconds. This caused me to become tense, and stressed, and worsen the problem. It also happened at night too mainly. But the reason for this is obvious. At night, your eyes are closed, you're lying down... you become very self aware, and aware of your bodily functions.

YOU MUST LET IT RIDE. I beat this OCD, by saying to my body... It's ok. It really is ok to do whatever you want. Whatever happens, come what may.... I'll take it.

I'm sure you have beliefs somewhere, that are fuelling this mini obsession to watch. What do you believe a high heart rate means? Dig a little... It isn't always obvious.

I found after a few weeks, I wasn't focusing on my breathing much as I slept. I wasn't hyperventilating and stuff. If you want to sleep on your side, and forget it, it's ok.

Let it be. As terrifying and as powerless as this feels, it's whats happening anyway. You're just trying to convince yourself it's not, and you have some power, and this is just making you more tense. Let go of it. Trust me :)

You'll feel better.

P.s. I have a bit of OCD now. Focusing on my ear, waiting for the Pizza guy :D

[onebreathatatime]

Lol... I could go for some pizza!! I also have breathing awareness and its funny because I have been trying to just let it happen natural as I would always over breathe. I find myself so tense I hold my breath, it's very annoying. I'm trying to breathe strictly through my nose at a slower pace and it seems to be working. Had only one skipped beat in the past two days :) your post made me feel a whole lot better, so thank you

[angieproc1977]

I have terrible heart awareness more so when I am feeling anxious its terrible ive just been woken up with the feeling that my heart had stopped and then thud it started beating really quickly x

[onebreathatatime]

I have terrible heart awareness more so when I am feeling anxious its terrible ive just been woken up with the feeling that my heart had stopped and then thud it started beating really quickly x

How quickly is it beating?

[angieproc1977]

How quickly is it beating?

I didnt check but it was at least 100bpm if not more

[onebreathatatime]

I didnt check but it was at least 100bpm if not more

How did you calm yourself down? I have never woken up feeling the "skip" I do however sometimes wake up feeling slightly panicked (as if I'm surprised that it's another day, "here we go again" sort of feeling), and I know my heart rate has increased but I just breathe through it and wait for the feeling to pass.

[jessed03]

You're welcome OBAAT! Must be early there in Ontario? Did you have a good nights sleep? I think I had about an hour. Now you know why I wear shades!

Talking of beats, I had a beat of 137 last week. Scary stuff! Reminded me of how scary those heart fears used to be!

But anyway, what is your fear by the way? What is your choice of problem when it comes to anxiety? Is your heart a big fear to you, or is this just an annoying symptom?

[onebreathatatime]

You're welcome OBAAT! Must be early there in Ontario? Did you have a good nights sleep? I think I had about an hour. Now you know why I wear shades!

Talking of beats, I had a beat of 137 last week. Scary stuff! Reminded me of how scary those heart fears used to be!

But anyway, what is your fear by the way? What is your choice of problem when it comes to anxiety? Is your heart a big fear to you, or is this just an annoying symptom?

It's 8am here! I have been up since 530am though, it's my weekend to work! :(:( My sleep was good actually I normally can't sleep very well the first night of my weekend shifts, but last night was different. I just went to bed and ignored everything and it worked, I woke up at 145am and thought how great I slept and I was ready for the day only to realize it was a tad early!

My fear is having a heart attack.. my mom had one at age 48, she is now 52 and doing great.. but I fear that we are so similar that's it's inevitable to become my future as well. I also fear having high blood pressure for the simple fact, I just don't want it.. I do what I can to be healthy although when it comes to taking my bp, I panic instantly.. just the words "blood pressure" send chills through my body.. although in that dept I have made progress also.. I went to the drs to talk about it and tell her about my "skipped beats" and she did my blood pressure... it was 130/70, I was amazed it was that good.. I was still really nervous, had been crying, was there alone (which is awful for me - although I still do it) :)

[jessed03]

Oh, your turn to work the weekend? My commiserations! :) What do you do by the way? I tried to guess from your avatar pic... All I can come up with is perhaps you work as some kind of international hitman (or woman in your case!)? Yeah, or maybe in admin or something?

It's good to hear your mother is recovering and in good shape years after her attack. It's so typical of these things to provoke an anxiety reaction in people. I was a little different in my choice of ailment, but my story was just the same. My cousin was diagnosed with schizophrenia, he was commited, had to take strong meds. Of course, being very close, that same fear begun to occupy my own mind, and when my anxiety disorder came on in full strength, my mind and my sanity became the focus of my awareness, similar to how your heart has taken some of yours.

I think it all begun changing for me when I begun seeing anxiety as a big button pusher. It's a personal illness, it doesn't really happen to you, it happens by you. It's so intimate, we have such a strong relationship with it inside of our heads, and through awareness of our bodies, that it is almost like we do it.

It's for that reason I begun to feel better actually. I realized it knew all of the things I was secretly afraid of. Not the other way round. It was highlighting my fear that was already there, and not alerting me to a problem. Of course, sometimes, the button can be as simple as a fear being expressed in an anxious way, due to repressed frustrations. At other times, it can be a bigger, more subtle button though. My biggest fear I realized, wasn't actually of dying. I could kind of accept that was an eventuality for me. My biggest fear was I had one dream that I wanted to fulfill, that I hadn't. I was terrified of something catching me, before I managed to do it. I was terrified I'd get sick before fulfilling my biggest desire.

As all of this begun to reveal itself to me, it became painfully obvious that buttons were just being pressed in my mind. I realized I had sensitivities to certain topics, and apprehensions about certain things in life, and coincidently, my anxiety disorder had picked on those things and attached itself to them.

There are always a few doubts, or worries or apprehensions in all of our minds. When we can really see what they are, we can see anxiety does nothing more than highlights them to us. This illness gives you a chance to look at yourself like never before. It gives you a chance to understand yourself. If you listen to anxiety for a while, you can almost hear it telling you what the problem is in your life. It virtually reveals things you never knew were issues.

But of course, for some they are very mild, for some they are more complex. Once you realize what they are though, within yourself, you see the button being pressed time after time - and suddenly it ceases to bother you. You see it as nothing more than a trick being played on you, by you. You give yourself permission to adjust your life to do things more important to you, or take better care of yourself. It can be as simple as that small perception change to overcome the whole thing. In a way, it was for me.

[onebreathatatime]

I actually work in a hospital of all places. I agree with everything you said, anxiety is provoked by ourselves... I haven't quite figured out the root of my problem yet, I am in the process though of trying to figure it out. Some days I feel really good, like I understand myself and then others when I feel a weird pain/twinge I forget the process I have made and fall backwards a bit, not completely though. At my worst, I was off work and stayed in my house, I did not even like taking my dog outside. I avoided anything and everything just to cope, until I realized I was existing and not living.

What was the dream you wanted to fulfill? (if you don't mind me asking) Have you gotten there? What kind of things have you used to help your situation, books, meditation, etc..?

[NixonRulz]

Between the two you, you make just have cured everyone here.

[jessed03]

Oh, a hospital! That would have been my third guess ;)

I actually think you have a good understanding of whats happening to you really. Look how well you slept and adapted to a small change. You wouldn't have done that unless you already had a good level of knowledge about anxiety.

My dream? My dream was a romantic one haha. The girl who was probably the first love of my life, was from a different country, and it was really important to her that I met her family back in her home country. I made dates over 2 years to do it, but because of a combination of being a young man, and obsessed with my work, I cancelled every one. I knew this was hurting her, so I made a promise to visit them 3 months after we had a big arguement. I actually got very, very sick just before. I was taken to hospital, but was given a clean bill of health. I just wasn't the same afterwards. I begun getting panic attacks, became a hypochondriac.

The dream was fulfilled :) I dragged myself there a month after getting out of a mental health clinic. It wasn't all that pretty, but I think I needed to get there to gain come closure.

The next few years were just a massive process of healing for me. I attempted suicide because of my anxiety and depression, so I had a lot to do... I'll try to document my process a little, and the process I think most follow without knowing. For me, it's all about 3 stages...

Detox:

Get some of it out of you. Cry as much as you like, smash plates, scream, shout at God. Get drunk, realize that doesnt solve anything, get even angrier. Walk around in a state of sheer depression, argue with loved ones. Draw, write, sing, watch nature and cry some more. Listen to music that touches your soul. Contemplate why you. Contemplate what you did wrong, could it have been avoided? Punch yourself in the leg. Scream at people for not understanding you. Lose hope. Regain hope. Lose it again. Stay in bed all day and sulk. Cuddle your pet or your lover intensely. Feel cut, feel dead, feel nothing, feel everything. Eat a big bowl of popcorn. Eat nothing. Love yourself. Hate yourself. Spend all day watching touching movies. Spend it with kids. Pray. Curse God some more. Pull your hair out. Write a huge piece venting your anger. Cry about being a failure. Vow to change. Cry again when that fails the next day.

Whatever you do for this short period, you must allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. Totally and openly without judgement. All of it is to start coming out of you. Most people don't do most of what I mentioned above, but they have their own little way of detoxing. Everyone has their own way. Those are just things I did. It's vital in order to allow the mind to begin to understand what is happening. A long period of wallowing isn't good, but the odd day or two can actually be inspiring.

Stop Making The Problem Worse:

After a period of detox, you'll see a lot of things you wouldn't have seen had you bottled it up. As things begun loosening up inside of you, and coming out, they won't be so compact. You don't feel great yet, but your understanding will be a little better. This is where the journey begins. Now you have to get serious. Really serious. You have to ask yourself if you like how you feel. Make no mistake, many people do. Suffering gives them identity. Emotional pain is incredibly addictive. Most people are also very set on their mindsets, and they don't want to change. But if the answer is truly yes inside of you, then you will get better.

It begins with a perception change like I mentioned in the last post. It starts first and foremost, by seeing anxiety for what it is. This is a process so personal to people. The amount of time it takes to see anxiety is a trick, a prankster, depends on the individual. For me, I meditated a lot. It helped slow my mind so I could see things. Before, my mind felt like a speeding train, everything whizzing by in seconds. Books helped a lot. Books to help understand thought. These aren't essential. I wrote some posts on the uselessness, and the irrelevance of thought, you can find all you need to know by listening to a short lecture on youtube, or reading some posts.

With that perception change, comes understanding. You may not have understood it at first, but now you do.

-You see clearly that anxiety is simply pushing buttons. Simply leaning on sensitive parts of your psyche. You don't pay as much attention to it.
-You also understand now, that thoughts are the biggest waste of time ever. The mind chatters, but it gets nowhere.
-You see anxiety can't survive without your participation. If you completely choose to let it come, do what it wants, and leave, without getting involved, it is dead.
-You understand thoughts and emotions are salesman. They are desperately requiring your attention in order to survive. They will feed you all manner of nonsense, fear, and trick you into believing what they say is important. It isn't. If you choose never to buy, they will soon starve.
-You understand the whole idea of healing is a process, and that there will be backwards steps, but they are a part of the process, and not a hinderance to it.
-You understand anxiety is a part of you, and can't be beaten to death, as it only hurts you more. That loving and soothing is the way to treat it.

This section also includes anything else that stops the condition worsening. Trying to take care of logistics.

-Ensuring you sleep and eat well to avoid problems
-Avoiding triggers, google, webMD
-Avoiding extra stress through unnecassary conflict; arguing over silly stuff, wasting money, bad habits
-Trying to eliminate negativity, through whatever sources; News, friends, the media.
-Doing anything which makes your condition worse in an unproductive way (this excludes exposure and facing fears, as they are productive)
-Ensuring you don't feed negative thinking habits
-Ensuring you don't instantly assume negative beliefs are true
-Avoiding compulsive behaviour such as checking pulse every 5 seconds, and performing rituals.

Healing The Overstimulation:

Anxiety is an over stimulation problem, more or less. We wouldn't have most of our problems if our nervous system wasn't over stimulated. By now, you may probably be feeling a bit better, and a lot more positive. However, you still may not feel completely well. You may still get symptoms. This is because the nervous system may or may not have recovered to the level it was at before. It's very beneficial to do things to ensure it is at it's best, and you can recover fully.

Things include the obvious ones:

-Remaining aware of the mind, and ensuring you don't go back to old ways regarding negativity.
-Ensure you have a great source of Serotonin, through medication (if necessary), exercise, meditation, enjoyable hobbies, lots of time outside, a source of love, from others or from yourself.
-Engage in 2 relaxation exercises daily. (Meditation, muscle relaxation, breathing exercises, stretching, Yoga nidra, massage, aromatherpy... The list is long)
-Ensure your nutrient level is good. Make sure you aren't deficient in things like magnesium, zinc, or Vitamin B and D, which many people are these days.
-Every night, before you go to bed, name all the things you were grateful for that day. Teach your mind to see the good.
-Keep a diary every now and again, of your thoughts, to ensure they aren't catching you out without realizing.
-Sleep well.
-If possible, do yoga, or have a calming mantra you can repeat often.
-Spend time doing nothing, just listening to some relaxing music, or reading a good book. Allow your mind to take breaks and not get overwhelmed.
-Hug, and be hugged
-Express yourself all the time. Even if it's only to yourself in a diary.
-Be self aware. Notice what it draining your energy in life, and try to eliminate it.
-Avoid alcohol and coffee for a while if possible.
-Sip things like teas. Health stores have some really tasty relaxation ones, such as chamomille and limeleaf.
-Eat well.

Again, this list goes on too. There are numerous ways to help soothe the nervous system after stress. These are pretty much the three stages I went through to make it to recovery. It took me three years. It could take you a week or a lifetime. No one can know :) These stages can overlap, and it can be important to go back to them. I still do now. They aren't a strict linear process really.

I hope this post was useful. I'm sorry it's long, it's just impossible to sum up years of healing in a few lines of text!! :)