Time To Be Honest With Myself

[Kalita]

Hi everyone. Ok. I've decided I need to be upfront and honest. Here's my situation. I have severe anxiety panic disorder. Last year I hit rock bottom and just felt like ending it all. During that year I got really sick and depressed. I didn't eat more or eat less, I just stopped being as active as I was. I've always had a weight problem due to polycystic ovarian syndrome. But over the last year I have put on about another 10 kgs. I admit, I'm obese. But only in my stomach area. Everything else is slim, just not my stomach. I don't eat properly. I tend to skip breakfast, pick at lunch time, eat a normal dinner. I'm so depressed lately that I can't find the energy to get out and go for a walk. I feel like I have no friends. I stay home with my 2 yr old son everyday. I am suffering a panic attack a day. Often brought on by the fear of a heart attack. I tend to notice any aches, pains or anything that feels different in my body and I over analyze it and work myself into a panic thinking I am having a heart attack. I've been told I have a healthy heart, blood pressure is fine. Cardiologist said he wouldn't need to see me again until I'm 40 for another routine healthy heart assessment. But I still fear heart attacks. I'm so sad all the time. I'm becoming negative. At times I would love to get out and go for a walk but I can't find the energy or motivation. I want to lay down all the time. I cry a lot. Especially behind closed doors. I don't like people to see me this way, so in person I put on a happy face and act all happy and normal. Inside, I'm struggling to keep my head above the surface. I've been to a psychologist. I've done cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm on medication. I see my dr regularly. I eat rather healthy! I hate sugar and sweets. I only like savory food, and because I fear heart attacks I eat as healthy as I can. Use no cholesterol products etc., low fat, low salt. I do everything my dr says, but I still gain weight. I'm crying as I type this because I'm so sad. I want to be happy. I want friends. I want my old happy self back!!!! I don't want to have panic attacks anymore. I want to be able to run!! I want to not stress so much over money matters. But how?! How do I do all this?!!!! Where is the light at the end of the tunnel everyone talks about? Where do I go from here?!! HELP!

[kelsta]

U are not alone. I suffer panic/anxiety disorder aswell n I'm going through a really tuff time at the moment... I can't enjoy my life at all n I had a beautiful baby girl 5 months ago... What medication are u on??? I have just found out after being on Zoloft for 14 years that its not working anymore. I'm a mess... Here if u need to talk

[alankay]

Kalita, what meds are you on and the dosage? Seems like you have a good healthy lifestyle going. Thanks! Alankay.

[NixonRulz]

Hi everyone. Ok. I've decided I need to be upfront and honest. Here's my situation. I have severe anxiety panic disorder. Last year I hit rock bottom and just felt like ending it all. During that year I got really sick and depressed. I didn't eat more or eat less, I just stopped being as active as I was. I've always had a weight problem due to polycystic ovarian syndrome. But over the last year I have put on about another 10 kgs. I admit, I'm obese. But only in my stomach area. Everything else is slim, just not my stomach. I don't eat properly. I tend to skip breakfast, pick at lunch time, eat a normal dinner. I'm so depressed lately that I can't find the energy to get out and go for a walk. I feel like I have no friends. I stay home with my 2 yr old son everyday. I am suffering a panic attack a day. Often brought on by the fear of a heart attack. I tend to notice any aches, pains or anything that feels different in my body and I over analyze it and work myself into a panic thinking I am having a heart attack. I've been told I have a healthy heart, blood pressure is fine. Cardiologist said he wouldn't need to see me again until I'm 40 for another routine healthy heart assessment. But I still fear heart attacks. I'm so sad all the time. I'm becoming negative. At times I would love to get out and go for a walk but I can't find the energy or motivation. I want to lay down all the time. I cry a lot. Especially behind closed doors. I don't like people to see me this way, so in person I put on a happy face and act all happy and normal. Inside, I'm struggling to keep my head above the surface. I've been to a psychologist. I've done cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm on medication. I see my dr regularly. I eat rather healthy! I hate sugar and sweets. I only like savory food, and because I fear heart attacks I eat as healthy as I can. Use no cholesterol products etc., low fat, low salt. I do everything my dr says, but I still gain weight. I'm crying as I type this because I'm so sad. I want to be happy. I want friends. I want my old happy self back!!!! I don't want to have panic attacks anymore. I want to be able to run!! I want to not stress so much over money matters. But how?! How do I do all this?!!!! Where is the light at the end of the tunnel everyone talks about? Where do I go from here?!! HELP!

Well, you always have you friends here. We will always love you because your just as screwed up as the rest of us. LOL

One of my biggest fears was a heart attack. I think any acute disaster or illness got to me.

A question for you. When you are not anxious and feeling well, do you fear the heart attack? Do you think how silly it is to fear that when you re not stressed?

What I finally realized was that I wasn't afraid of a heart attack or anything else irrational. When I was anxious, my thoughts were all screwed up so I learned to stop taking them as reality. Anxiety makes you think irrationally. When you are having some crazy thought, just tel yourself it is just another symptom of anxiety and move on.

You can easily win this battle.

[alankay]

Nixon, very true. I am confident that when talking about symptoms it must be stressed that the cause should be the real focus. Unresolved psychological conflicts, buried abuse, etc, needs to be addressed. However there are not always abuses or conflicts, some are just anxious personalities(like me).
In which case CBT, counseling, etc. and meds are important. The right choice of med(s) is crucial in a case where it seems one is just predisposed to anxiety/depression and why my question on med details. Sometimes a patient needs an add-on or even and older TCA, etc, for treatment resistant depression. Or an SNRI tried after trying several ssri's a high doses plus an add on like buspar or a trial of wellbutrin. Just my thoughts as I used to focus on my symptoms until my doc explained why it's needed to see why they exist and then try to address any cause(s) if any can be found thus reducing symptoms that way. Worth a try to mention this to Kalita and ask about meds. Alankay

[Kalita]

Thanks guys for the support.

I'm on Dothep 75mg one tablet at night. And 5mg Valium whenever I need it.

My panic attacks started first. And I think now because I live in fear of my panic attacks I've sunk into a depression.

And yes, every time I'm sick I think I'm dying of a heart attack. It can be as simple as the common cold!! Or like today. I was dizzy, like I was on a boat. And logically, I know it's sinusitis. But I still panic.

I don't know what's caused the weight gain. I'm on a steroid nasal spray and have been for over a year. I wonder if its that? And I've started this habit of drinking a minimum of 2 1/2 liters of water a day. I don't know if water can be associated with the weight?! I thought drinking lots of water would help LOSE weight?! And nope, I probably don't eat enough protein. I know my iron is low. So is my vitamin d. But nothing I does makes a difference. I am due to see my endocrinologist in 2 weeks. I guess I will ask him. :(

And yep. I take my fish oil. Every day. I don't know. I'm at a loss!!!!!! :'(