i'm really down today :(

[sazco]

i'm feeling horrible today. had an urge to cut because i am just so discusted with myself. i didnt cut i took .25 of my clanazapam instead and napped. didnt help any. i feel like i'm never going to amount to anything.

i need to talk to someone, the thoughts i have are sad. i'm doing my best to stay positive. yeah, easier said than done. i have no ambition anymore. i live with three people that don't understand anxiety at all. they belittle what i think which leads to arguments.

i am alone. people leave. i feel like nothing. and i am lost.

[Sentinelle]

Hey man I'm sorry you feel down lately I'm down everyday don't feel like waking up and going to work. It's difficult when you have noone to talk to, here at home they don't understant so I don't tell them how I feel. My friends pretend to understant but I'm sure they don't get it. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing control and die without anyone noticing. I'm sure people care about us but it's like we're living in a different universe. I feel that people are moving on but I am stuck somewhere and can't progress. I hope someday this will all go away. I'm here if you need to talk Sazco! Tc

[sazco]

thanks, you get it its like the whole world just doesnt see what i see. or feel the same way. its very frustrating.

[Sentinelle]

Exactly and recently I'm also getting very depressed along with the physical symptoms which is not helpful. How r u feeling today?

[DorsetGirl]

I feel like that today, i've felt like it for a couple of weeks and it seems to be getting more intense every day, like there is no one in the world but me and I have cut today, just to feel real.

It feels like I am watching my life from outside my body and there is nothing I can do to stop myself cutting :(

[sazco]

I'm feeling fine like I wokeup drove my sisters bf to work and im waiting for my sister from school now. My mood will switch just like that I'm feeling normal... I'm on paroxetine and it helps I'm on 60mg and the swings aren't as bad but Idk yo i just dont know how to deal with things like i used to. I used to be so awesome now i'm like blah.

i didnt cut my arm last night i really wanted too though. there is something you can do you can sleep on it before you cut thats been helping me the past two days.

[sazco]

I feel like that today, i've felt like it for a couple of weeks and it seems to be getting more intense every day, like there is no one in the world but me and I have cut today, just to feel real.

It feels like I am watching my life from outside my body and there is nothing I can do to stop myself cutting :(

thats diff than how i feel i cut because i hate myself and if i overthink ill have to do something about it like hurt myself. i feel like im alone in this world too. but i know some other ppl that must feel the same way

[stellab]

Oh wow, how frustrating and difficult that is! I must admit, I've never been a cutter, though I completely understand that emptiness that needs to manifest itself in SOMETHING that's real. For me, I always turn to food. Real healthy. Anyway...I've come to believe one of the hardest parts of depression/anxiety is feeling totally and utterly misunderstood. People who have never been through it will never understand it, no matter how hard they try. Do you have any friends or family who know what you're going through? Sometimes, (cliche as it may sound) just talking to someone (even on a forum) can help, provided they're open-minded and sympathetic. None of us know why we feel this way, Saz...it hurts, it's painful and we don't choose to feel like this. And it's this feeling that makes us feel completely alone, even in a roomful of strangers. I don't have any amazing eye-opening advice here...but what I can guarantee is no matter how alone you feel...YOU ARE NOT ALONE. People like me, people like everyone on this site, can relate and understand. I hope you continue to reach out and share and work your way forward. One step, one day, one hour, one minute at a time...sometimes that's all we can do.

[Lin]

I always consider suicide when I am really down which apparently is like self harming. Many days I feel no-one understands but just have to keep trying different ways to feel better. Trying meditation at moment and it is helping. I ring the Samaritans in desperation to offload, but if I need to talk to someone who knows me, I talk to our mental health phone number Crisis in the evenings or weekends. They have all your notes so know what to talk to you about to stop you doing something silly.

[sazco]

well tonight was another bad night. i did end up cutting my waist. i've never been this way before. i just hate myself so much, that's when i hurt myself. afterwards i lay in bed and feel nothing and fall asleep. but i can't keep doing this everytime i buildup enough hate. there must be something i am not doing right. there must be a way for me to love myself again and not hurt myself...

[andy2013]

Hey, just don't cut yourself. Honestly, where does that get you besides a gnarly scar and some blood loss?

[sazco]

It leaves a scar. It's not a stupid thing to do, I don't know why I do it but it is part of how I cope when I feel so shitty. I never did this in highschool and I'm not a scene or emo kid.

[Lin]

I think you need to findvsomeone special to talk to when you feel like cutting. I ring our NHS Crisis helpline when i feel like suicide and they have my notes and know to talk to me about my son, because saying goodbye to him stops me. It would be good if you had someone or a number to ring when feel such hatred against yourself. I have used the Samaritans too when need to offload and get it out of my head - you could try them.

[sazco]

that would be worth trying, thank you.

[Lin]

I have been suicidal last two days and Crisis nurse on Wed night and new CPN yesterday really helped and stopped me. Also friends made on this forum helped me too.

[jbevis]

I have been suicidal last two days and Crisis nurse on Wed night and new CPN yesterday really helped and stopped me. Also friends made on this forum helped me too.

Lin I had a moment last night where I thought about it. It scared the crap out of me because I hadn't felt like that in almost 12 years. Then I thought about my family. My mother and my husband ... But most importantly my son. He deserves more than for me to give up. I fight for me yes, but he motivates me to try and I cannot leave him.

[Lin]

Yes it is saying goodbye to my son especially, but also husband, which has stopped me the last two years, but i won't say what, but i hatched a plan yesterday which would have made it easier and once i had that in my head it was really really hard not to do it.

[jbevis]

Well let me say that even though I don't personally know you, I like you. And I really really really hope it works out for you. Stick it out, keep that crisis team number in your pocket and feel free to PM me and I will talk to you.

[Lin]

Thanks really good to have people like you to talk to x

[lexa]

Dear Lin,
Please think twice about taking your life
I don't know if you are religious at all but
I truly believe in a life after death, so even
If you die you will continue to live and will
Have to face yourself anyway and you will
Realize what a mistake you have made
By ending your life
I hope you don't find this offensive but
Please don't do it, come back here and keep
Talking because you are not alone
"I asked God to give me courage
And he threw me right into a battle"
You are stronger than you know

[Lin]

Thanks Lexa I do believe in God but not very religious. Since not been well I have dreamed a lot about my mum and dad who have both died and have felt like they have been with me. I feel like I could still be there for my son and husband in spirit, but not be such a nuisance to them as I feel now. I know it is just when head exploring I feel like this, but it is really hard to be rational when feel that bad.

[locksey]

Thanks Lexa I do believe in God but not very religious. Since not been well I have dreamed a lot about my mum and dad who have both died and have felt like they have been with me. I feel like I could still be there for my son and husband in spirit, but not be such a nuisance to them as I feel now. I know it is just when head exploring I feel like this, but it is really hard to be rational when feel that bad.

Just seen this msg .... Sry wasn't on here 2 chat to u :-(
Anytime u need to talk and if no-one is on here u kan always email me and hopefully I will hear my fone vibrate

[Lin]

So good to have met such good friends on here, most more willing to help than my own family who just don't understand. Thank you everybody last few weeks and days for all your kindness and support.