New fear

[mellymel]

Since I have developed intrusive thoughts about hurting loved ones a few months back, I also had tons of other weird thoughts pop up. The harm thoughts have subsided significantly, they are still there, I just remind myself it's anxiety. But because of those thoughts, I was convinced (still am kinda) that something is wrong with me mentally. I think I'm going crazy, like schizo crazy. I have strange thoughts that I don't believe, but they still bother me because the thoughts are psychotic in nature and I'm afraid there is a fine line to be crosses before my "anxious psychotic thoughts" become something I actually believe.

Long story short, as these thoughts and fears have moved and grown, I am now afraid of anything that is associated with scary, evil, ghostly...and the like. I'm not even religious ( I believe in god but I'm not really into structured religion) and the thought of satan freaks me out. I guess it always has, but more so now. Like I'm afraid that I will go bonkers and start seeing random evil faces, I'm afraid that maybe my house has a ghost (my father)...I dunno. It's just strange. I also had the weird thought "what if I went crazy and thought my daughter was evil and I killed her" obviously I don't believe she is, but why would I have such a thought? She does this weird face where she tucks her chin to her chest and rolls her eyes up lol, it is a really creepy face and me and my husband joke about it all the time, but I don't seriously believe it. Anyways...it's freaking me out...could I really be losing my marbles or does this just sound like another bout of anxiety?


Oh and one more thing, whenever I read or hear something bizarre it gets stuck in my head. For example, I read about a guy who was having thoughts like "I'm satan". He was a schizophrenic , and since reading this, that exact thought will cross my mind, even though I don't believe it. Is that normal? I never really thought that before reading that story.

Can anyone relate?

[locksey]

Since I have developed intrusive thoughts about hurting loved ones a few months back, I also had tons of other weird thoughts pop up. The harm thoughts have subsided significantly, they are still there, I just remind myself it's anxiety. But because of those thoughts, I was convinced (still am kinda) that something is wrong with me mentally. I think I'm going crazy, like schizo crazy. I have strange thoughts that I don't believe, but they still bother me because the thoughts are psychotic in nature and I'm afraid there is a fine line to be crosses before my "anxious psychotic thoughts" become something I actually believe.

Long story short, as these thoughts and fears have moved and grown, I am now afraid of anything that is associated with scary, evil, ghostly...and the like. I'm not even religious ( I believe in god but I'm not really into structured religion) and the thought of satan freaks me out. I guess it always has, but more so now. Like I'm afraid that I will go bonkers and start seeing random evil faces, I'm afraid that maybe my house has a ghost (my father)...I dunno. It's just strange. I also had the weird thought "what if I went crazy and thought my daughter was evil and I killed her" obviously I don't believe she is, but why would I have such a thought? She does this weird face where she tucks her chin to her chest and rolls her eyes up lol, it is a really creepy face and me and my husband joke about it all the time, but I don't seriously believe it. Anyways...it's freaking me out...could I really be losing my marbles or does this just sound like another bout of anxiety?

Oh and one more thing, whenever I read or hear something bizarre it gets stuck in my head. For example, I read about a guy who was having thoughts like "I'm satan". He was a schizophrenic , and since reading this, that exact thought will cross my mind, even though I don't believe it. Is that normal? I never really thought that before reading that story.

Can anyone relate?

I've msgd u

[stephanie21]

I feel so crazy when I think the exact same things! I outta nowhere started thinking omg I'm cursed or what if Im possessed that's freaking crazy!!! That shit scares the shit outta me then I freak out over why an I thinking this stuff! My anxiety has me thinking about things that are crazy I can't even watch scary movies that are evil because I will then think omg this will happen to me but I haven't thought that in a couple months..... It's a ugly scary feeling! But I just have to tell myself Stephanie your anxiety is making you think ugly thoughts! I'm fine! I can't tell anyone about thinking stuff like this! My fam an friends will really think I've lost it so I just keep to myself! I understand what your going through an it's just anxiety attacking :(

[mellymel]

I feel so crazy when I think the exact same things! I outta nowhere started thinking omg I'm cursed or what if Im possessed that's freaking crazy!!! That shit scares the shit outta me then I freak out over why an I thinking this stuff! My anxiety has me thinking about things that are crazy I can't even watch scary movies that are evil because I will then think omg this will happen to me but I haven't thought that in a couple months..... It's a ugly scary feeling! But I just have to tell myself Stephanie your anxiety is making you think ugly thoughts! I'm fine! I can't tell anyone about thinking stuff like this! My fam an friends will really think I've lost it so I just keep to myself! I understand what your going through an it's just anxiety attacking :(

Thank you so much for your reply! It is such a relief to hear this!! Lol...I mentioned it briefly to my husband and the look he gave me made me feel worse :(

[albgirl82]

People that are mentally ok, don't understand what we r going thru.

[mellymel]

People that are mentally ok, don't understand what we r going thru. I know the looks that they give....:-(!! I have crazy thoughts too, when i talk to my therapist i have this feeling what if i choke her??? She is pregnant....what if i kick her in her stomach? And i keep asking my sanity over these thoughts.

Do u have them about your family ?

[albgirl82]

Qejhbkirshoorehkorgio

[mellymel]

Anyone else?? :( I really feel like a weirdo now

[mellymel]

Mel

There is going to have to come a time where you are going to have to stop feeding these thoughts. You might think that you are not but from your post you are .

Can i ask you how much are you researching about this ?

You need to stop reading about it and anything that triggers it so that you can give you brain time to settle so that it is not running off at the bit when you have these thoughts .

These thoughts are common and in fact one of the most common symptoms of anxiety and i would say that each and every person has had them weather they have anxiety or not .

Mine where

Worse sitting in a room with family at the dinner table and the though come across my mind how easy it would be to just stand up and stab every one . This is a pretty freaky thing to have and it took me months to tell anyone and more months to go anywhere near a knife .

What if i was to just crack it and hurt my girls / wife or self

What if i just deiced to jump off this bridge as i am crossing it .

what if i was to just drive my car into a tree and be done with it .

Then there is the really weird ones . One night i was heading to bed and turned the light off , i walked out of the room only for it to come on . I turned it off again for it to happen again . Oh no now i have a ghost . Its a shame it didn't cross my anxious brain that it was simple what those dumb touch lights like to do . My TV does it also .

The thoughts will come, its part of anxiety and even now if i am really stressed i have some . You will have to put up with them for now . But they are not that bad if you learn that they are no harm and in fact just thoughts and nothing more .

May i suggest that you do what i said and stop reading , stop focusing and stop anything that triggers it for one week and i bet you it is alot better . Remember that what you feed the mind is what it focuses on .

Heres a useless fact for today . Do you know that most schizophrenics can tickle themselves ?

Thank you for the advice. And I def just tickled myself haha

[albgirl82]

How you feeling hon? Any better these days?

[mellymel]

How you feeling hon? Any better these days?

I'm up and down. Even when I can convince myself I'm ok, there is an underlying uneasiness that I can explain. How bout u?

[albgirl82]

Same as you hon! Sometimes i feel ok, and other times..like i have smth crawling under my skin