Lonely

[ry1987]

Feeling very lonely tonight. It's just one of those nights when you realize that you've been so depressed for so long and have stayed cooped up in your room for so long...that you really don't have anyone. I have nobody to have a conversation with...nobody to laugh with...nobody to share secrets with...nobody to go out with on a Friday night. It's so lonely..only thing left to do is take some sleeping pills in hopes to escape quickly. I find myself taking comfort watching a "Lockup" marathon tonight because these people are just as lonely as me...I'd give anything for my old life back. I'd give anything to back up five years and not make the choices that put me here today. I wish I had somebody...but I just don't..hope these pill kicks in with full force..life is unbearable at this point...:(

[Suicidal Depression]

Let's have a conversation. :)

[ry1987]

I must be really pathetic because when I saw your reply I burst into tears.

[Suicidal Depression]

Your not pathetic for crying. Do you have a KiK?

[ry1987]

Yes. ry1987x

[Suicidal Depression]

I sent you a message

[emzii]

Chin Up!:D

[ry1987]

Yeah that's not a useless comment.

[jessed03]

Wow, I remember that whole situation! You never realize how unbearable your mind can make your life until this happens, huh! I wonder when somebody will bring out some kind of painkiller from the mind. Forget cure, forget correcting imbalances, sometimes you just need to make it stop like you would toothache!!

Burst into tears, seriously! Think about puppies falling into a volcano or something as they eat your best shoes - :P! It will make you feel better. This feeling you're feeling now, it comes from being overwhelmed. From being ridiculously confused, worried and overwhelmed with it all. It's really really ok to let it out in bizarre ways.

This period of your life is going to be a thunderstorm. It's gonna hit you with some rough, very emotional stuff. I want to just make you aware of that, so as it crops up, you can realize what it is. It's an emotion attaching itself to a belief, not the other way round. For me, I believed I was failing my mother, and I was losing my family by never being there. Made me feel like you feel now. Lonely, broken, a little hopeless. Those realizations hit you, making you realize what the condition is really doing to you. But truthfully, once this emotion has died down, you wont be thinking those things so much. I just took my Mum out to eat, we laughed non-stop! Same as you, you may not have what you want now, but you're going through a trauma.

"Whatever you put in front of your recovery, you usually end up losing"

Make yourself that person for now. Love yourself tremendously, even when you want to hate yourself. Enjoy your own company. Enjoy getting to know yourself, and your mind, and why you feel this way. It's hard to feel alone when you love the person you're alone with.

As you begin to get better, which you will. All the pieces of the puzzle will begin to fall into place. You need to be where you are now. It's part of getting better to go through this stage. Allow yourself to feel as sh-t as you want. It's ok. Let it detox from you, just make sure you aren't kind of wallowing in it. It doesn't seem that way though. Fasten your seatbelt and get ready to ride through this turbulence. This too shall pass.

You can PM me, or any of us whenever you want, or feel really bad. Feel better soon!! :)

[jessy]

Jessed is spot on with what he says .

I know exactally how you feel , it will pass , everything does .

Keep posting & I hope you begin to feel a little better soon

Much love jessy xx

[sazco]

this is how ive felt all day...

[Lin]

I have had 2 really bad days and hatched a plan yesterday to finally get out and find peace, but in end talked to new CPN and Crisis phone call stopped me. Just that feeling head is exploding and need to get out of life to stop my head. Get nearer and nearer to doing it every time my head explodes.