Dark Thoughts

[Suicidal Depression]

Ran out of gas today and I'm flat broke. Don't get paid for 6 days. I'm just way to stressed. Thoughts of putting a bullet in my head intruded on me my whole walk home. I don't have a gun so it won't happen but I can't get out of my depression right now.

[alankay]

Life can "kick you when you're down", that's where the phrase comes from. OK you ran out of gas. Sh!T!! Well you will make it through to a better day. Have faith in that. Maybe you would have had a nasty accident if you had petrol..........never know... think about it. Alankay

[Lin]

I think about it nearly every week - my head just explodes and I want out and peace. Hatched a plan yesterday but in the end phoned Crisis helpline and spoke to new CPN and they stopped me. Promised will ring them before i start the first part of my plan next time and promised to be safe today. Didn't want husband to know how bad been as put enough pressure and worry on him.

[jbevis]

We all have those dark thoughts sometimes and it can be hard to see through them. I guess as hard as it is top do we need to have faith that things will get better. It's really hard and getting better is a daunting task but if there is even a chance that I can be happy again in my future I'm going to fight for it.

[Lin]

Yes I feel like that about fighting to keep my job, not going to give it up just because ill in case regret it in future. I also agree about fighting to get well but when my head is exploding with really bad thoughts i just can't control it, even after learning lots of techniques, it just takes me over completely.

[jbevis]

I'm so sorry that it is that bad for you Lin. I remember how bad it can get. I'm praying that it doesn't get that bad for me again as it did 12 years ago

[Lin]

I hope you don't get as bad again as you did 12 years ago too. It is just a hard battle to keep fighting when feel really low.

[johnson2012]

I have those thoughts every once and awhile. My depression isnt really bad so Im sure its easier for me to cope. When these thoughts come in, I remind myself of the wonderful family I have, how cute my little cousin is and how much he looks up to me, my best friends, my girlfriend and I tell myself I may be the only one dealing with this right now. But if I were to end it, they would be scarred for life. And I dont want that. I really hope you start feeling better very soon!

[Lin]

Yes thinking of my son and husband stop me usually, but just occasionally when really low even the thought of them is hard to stop me. Been told by many how you ruin their lives but when really low you believe you will help them by not being a nuisance any more and hard to get out of those thoughts.