Anaka
03-21-2013, 09:29 PM
Hello, I'm new here. I've been dealing with anxiety for about a year now. I've never really spoken about it to anyone, so this forum is like a blessing. (And the people who I talked to blew it off.) I'm a teenager, 18 to be exact. Since I was young, I've always been a bit nervous about things. I would be scared of not being able to breathe, choking, vomiting, and such. It wasn't that bad then, I only have one panic attack and it went away since then.
Last year, it came back up. The trigger was reading about a college student who died from a blood clot. I felt like I couldn't breathe and that the walls were closing in on me. I begin to question, "what if that happens to me?" The thought bothered me so, my heart started to beat like crazy and I could barely speak. I was able to wake up my mom, and she called 911. She stayed with me until it stopped, before they arrived. They checked me out, asked me if I had any experience with this before, and said I was okay to go. They just told me to check with my doctor. It took me a bit to calm down that night, but I fell asleep.
I was fine after that, no thoughts of blood clots or anything. Went on life normally until....I took a plane ride. I felt the same feelings I felt before, but I was able to keep it more in check. My stomach hurt, I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was going to die. Numerous scenarios have run through my mind on how the plane could crash, etc. I got through the ride alright though, just exhausted from dealing with anxiety. Later I had another panic attack, when we crossed through a "bad" neighborhood. It took a long time to calm down, and I felt as if I wasn't myself.
Returning home wasn't a problem, the flight wasn't as bad. However, a month later I was under great stress at home, and developed chest pain. This pain carried on throughout the day, I felt as if I had a blood clot, or that something was wrong with my heart. Apparently it was neither, as it was diagnosed as chest wall inflammation. I was given an EKG and ECG and they said my heart was completely healthy. I was relieved, and my symptoms faded. However, it wasn't long before I had another minor symptom and looked it up online. Therefore I became more and more obsessed with my health symptoms. This was the worst part of the anxiety.
I began to experience numerous symptoms, it was like a living nightmare. I lost a lot of sleep, I felt as if I weren't in my body, my eyes felt numb, everything seemed so bright, I thought I was going to die throughout the day. I had nightmares as I slept, I experienced numerous pains across my body, I felt as if I were losing it. Somehow, I managed to survive through that streak. My friend helped comfort me, along with my mother, and I started to feel better. My anxiety came in waves, I would have a high tension state, which is when I would face an anxiety trigger. Then there's the calming down state; my body would feel tense and anxious but I wouldn't be in full out panic attack mode. Last is the neutral state, where I feel normal, and calm.
It hasn't been that bad recently, I felt as if I was getting better...but then something happened. Recently, I was jokingly called gay. This has provoked confusing thoughts in my head, doubts. I am a straight male, have always been a straight male, and wish to remain a straight male. I don't understand what's going on, why would this happen suddenly? I am currently in love with a female, and I have never felt such attraction; sexual or emotional towards another man. I'm scared of losing the love I have, and becoming gay. I want to keep liking women, not guys. It didn't help that a male friend confessed his feelings to me recently, I didn't know how to react, I've been keeping my distance for the time. I'm more concerned about my sexuality now, and I've never questioned it before...so I ask you all for help, what should I do?
Thank you guys for hearing me out, I just don't know what to do, and I don't know who to turn to.
Last year, it came back up. The trigger was reading about a college student who died from a blood clot. I felt like I couldn't breathe and that the walls were closing in on me. I begin to question, "what if that happens to me?" The thought bothered me so, my heart started to beat like crazy and I could barely speak. I was able to wake up my mom, and she called 911. She stayed with me until it stopped, before they arrived. They checked me out, asked me if I had any experience with this before, and said I was okay to go. They just told me to check with my doctor. It took me a bit to calm down that night, but I fell asleep.
I was fine after that, no thoughts of blood clots or anything. Went on life normally until....I took a plane ride. I felt the same feelings I felt before, but I was able to keep it more in check. My stomach hurt, I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was going to die. Numerous scenarios have run through my mind on how the plane could crash, etc. I got through the ride alright though, just exhausted from dealing with anxiety. Later I had another panic attack, when we crossed through a "bad" neighborhood. It took a long time to calm down, and I felt as if I wasn't myself.
Returning home wasn't a problem, the flight wasn't as bad. However, a month later I was under great stress at home, and developed chest pain. This pain carried on throughout the day, I felt as if I had a blood clot, or that something was wrong with my heart. Apparently it was neither, as it was diagnosed as chest wall inflammation. I was given an EKG and ECG and they said my heart was completely healthy. I was relieved, and my symptoms faded. However, it wasn't long before I had another minor symptom and looked it up online. Therefore I became more and more obsessed with my health symptoms. This was the worst part of the anxiety.
I began to experience numerous symptoms, it was like a living nightmare. I lost a lot of sleep, I felt as if I weren't in my body, my eyes felt numb, everything seemed so bright, I thought I was going to die throughout the day. I had nightmares as I slept, I experienced numerous pains across my body, I felt as if I were losing it. Somehow, I managed to survive through that streak. My friend helped comfort me, along with my mother, and I started to feel better. My anxiety came in waves, I would have a high tension state, which is when I would face an anxiety trigger. Then there's the calming down state; my body would feel tense and anxious but I wouldn't be in full out panic attack mode. Last is the neutral state, where I feel normal, and calm.
It hasn't been that bad recently, I felt as if I was getting better...but then something happened. Recently, I was jokingly called gay. This has provoked confusing thoughts in my head, doubts. I am a straight male, have always been a straight male, and wish to remain a straight male. I don't understand what's going on, why would this happen suddenly? I am currently in love with a female, and I have never felt such attraction; sexual or emotional towards another man. I'm scared of losing the love I have, and becoming gay. I want to keep liking women, not guys. It didn't help that a male friend confessed his feelings to me recently, I didn't know how to react, I've been keeping my distance for the time. I'm more concerned about my sexuality now, and I've never questioned it before...so I ask you all for help, what should I do?
Thank you guys for hearing me out, I just don't know what to do, and I don't know who to turn to.