Im losing this battle

[defmunel]

I'm losing the battle. I want to give up the fight. Im just so exhausted.

I used to be able to go to the dr, and get reassurance. I've been to 2 doctors in two days, and I don't feel better. Worse in fact. They tell me there's nothing to worry about, they say everything will be fine. I feel good, I feel ok. Then I get home and BAM, a new symptom.

I left my dermatology office feeling better a little better about things, but not fully convinced. I'm at a stage in my anxiety where I'm not believing them. What of they missed something? What if they're wrong? Now, in addition to the skin cancer scare, the electric shocks down my left forearm, the tight throat, I've now been given another something to worry about. This time the fourth bone down on my neck feels bruised. I won't call my dr, because I'll be too embarrassed. I'm already scheduled in a week for a yearly check up. But this nagging feeling in my head says, what of it's bone cancer, you can't wait that long! It has a "burning feeling" to it. Pain.

Btw, with my last physical a year ago, everything came back normal. WBC and RBC were great. I've had ultrasounds of my ovaries, heart, and legs. All normal.

But even with all of that, I don't believe them. I feel like God is trying to tell me I'm going to die. If I felt reassured, then I won't die. But since I don't feel reassured, He's telling me my time has come.

Googling has become a part of me again. I don't tell myself to stop. I tell myself I need to know.

I might add that not 5 days ago I felt fine. All within 5 days I've become a disaster. A total mess.

When do I know it's important to get checked out. How do I know this bruise isn't something more. Lupus, cancer, or any other disease.

[nf1234]

I have had all the symptoms you've experienced and I have had every test under the sun done and I am fine. It doesn't mean that your symptoms are fake they just aren't what you think they are. They are all side effects of anxiety and stress. Don't waste all this time looking up cancers and other illnesses. Use that time to read about people who have overcome their anxiety and how they did it. Read about techniques and supplements that have helped so many. If you don't make a positive effort to fix the problem it won't get better. You need to believe what the doctors are saying to you. YOU ARE HEALTHY but like I said you have real symptoms. It is all being caused by anxiety and the hormones it produces. I have felt like I was going to die just like you and I finally started taking a positive approach and doing things to make me better and now I am 99% better.

[defmunel]

It's so hard. Symptom after symptom. I want to stay positive. Not to mention my lack o appetite. My difficult time sleeping. Symptoms are so hard to ignore. Once someone close to me was diagnosed with fatal cancer, it took me with it.

[nf1234]

Are you doing anything to get better? Such as taking vitamins and supplements, exercise, therapy, meds, ect.

[trinidiva]

I've been having the same tight feeling in the left portion of my neck down into my upper left arm for quite some time now on and off. Some days its not too bad and some days its horrible. I had ultrasounds and an xray done on that area. It turns out that I had pulled a muscle in my neck. It doesn't seem to be a tear though. I do have to be careful not to sleep on my left side though and I went to CVS and bought some heatwraps that you can stick to the area for up to 8 hours. That does help. I try to be careful of any repetitve movements that will aggravate it. Don't be embarrassed about contacting your doc, that's their job to help you!!!!!
That is great news about the mole...I had a feeling it wasn't going to be anything serious!!!!!

[trinidiva]

It's so hard. Symptom after symptom. I want to stay positive. Not to mention my lack o appetite. My difficult time sleeping. Symptoms are so hard to ignore. Once someone close to me was diagnosed with fatal cancer, it took me with it.

It's a daily struggle, hon...to try to stay positive but you gotta really try hard. I purchased a book "100 Great Ideas to Relax and Reduce Stress". It is FULL of positive statements and stories that give you that positive renforcement when you can't seem to find the positive statements on your own.
You have to really start believing that you are ok, and that besides anxiety, you are healthy. It is very hard to do when you have health anxiety, but really that is where it starts. If you don't believe it, no one can convince you otherwise. I personally had to stop watching shows that would trigger my health anxiety....shows like Mystery Diagnosis, Dr G Medical Examiner, shows or articles talking about heart attacks or strokes happening to young people, etc.... It's hard because I love those types of shows but I know if I want to get better I can't do it. I can't Google about those types of things either.

[defmunel]

I used to be in therapy, but stopped because I felt like I had a handle on it. But I've made another appt for Friday. I think it will be beneficial for sure. I took a Xanax and I'm feeling better. It's keeping my anxious thoughts at a minimum. But it won't last.

[defmunel]

Btw, it's not a sore neck. Literally one bone, 4th one down on my neck. It feels bruised. I don't even have to touch it and I feel it.