Current anxiety attack

[Ants23]

Hi,

I am 47 years old and have been dealing with panic attacks and anxiety since I was a child. As a child it was easier, I would just hear my inner voices repeat bad things to me, like what can go wrong etc, but it was easier to ignore because I could just go out and play. I was ok until about age 23, when I woke up feeling ill one day. Long story short that turned out to be Ebstein Barr. But my problem is that when I get ill, I start to imagine that I am gravely ill, and start looking for signs. Once I look at something on the internet, I become convinced that I have it, whatever it is. Once I believe that I am dying, I get my usual symptoms such as waking up at 5 AM feeling up, racing thoughts, upset stomach, feeling cold, and dreading the day. I wound up trying to hurt myself that time, and got medical treatment. I eventually got off the pills, and it has now been twenty years. I get panic attacks once in a while, but I practiced calming myself and understanding that its just me. Unfortunately I am now in the midst of another panic attack, and this one is not being nice. I would up getting a slight red rash on my cheek, and when I look it up, I see certain sicknesses that this might point to. After a month of this, I convinced myself that I have Lupus. I made an appointment with a dermatologist yesterday, and as usual she said it was nothing, just Rosea, and gave me a cream. I got home furious saying she didn't know what she was talking about. It wasn't until this morning at 5 am when I realized that I have driven myself down that path again of believing I am sick and the end is near. I analyze myself and it seems that maybe I want there to be something wrong so that I can escape society. Yes, I can reason that out, but the fear is still there. I am literally feeling sick, though I have been through this multiple times.
Sorry for the long post, but that was my way of venting. I don't like taking meds, but maybe I should?? I'm also feeling paranoia, everyone is against me, etc. This tends to pass in time, and I avoid seeing a doc or taking meds. But this one is a doozy!

[trinidiva]

It's hard to say....and truly its only a decision you can make for yourself. If you think that intrusive thoughts will continue to plague you, perhaps a combination of meds and therapy might work.

[Ants23]

Hi, thanks. The thing is that I have my streaks of good times, and though I am still the same, I don't worry about it. With these episodes, I panic and worry over everything. I get very upset with myself for being this way. A few times I have tried to schedule appointments with local psychiatrists or psychologists, but no one ever has any openings. My primary doctor will prescribe pills as needed, but I feel awkward making an appointment for that.
Anyway, my coming here to type this out was a good way to vent, and I thank you for responding. I'm dreading the 5am horror that is to come, as I get that during every episode. The voices drive me mad, though as you can see I recognize that its just in my mind and I can openly discuss it. During my earlier episodes, the pills did help. It took the voices and obsessiveness away. But.. they also made me hermit like. No desire for social interaction, and sexual desires. So I slowly stopped taking them. If by Saturday I am not better, I will call the doc.
Thanks

[NixonRulz]

Look at what you said in your first post about going through this.

" I am literally feeling sick, though I have been through this multiple times."

So you already know that it will end. That is one of the biggest problems for people. You get setbacks. Then you take a few more steps forward.

It is how you handle the setback that makes the biggest difference.

Regarding medication: If you haave a headache, you would take a pain.

If you have anxiety and you are in a fragile state and the doctor says this pill would help you, why not give it a go.

People like us should never look at the internet and self diagnose or look at the side effects of meds.

Ask the doc which is the most common side effect. as in one side effect not side effectS

Whatever I get prescriptions for, I pull the bottle out of the bag and throw the bag and accompanying paperwork away. The bottle says how much to take and when.

We all feel like we have anything we research. Eventually we learn to stop researching.

Glad to see that you had such a long break between symptoms.

Go for anoth 20 and we'll see you back here in 2033.

[Ants23]

Thanks for the encouraging words NixonRulz. I have had more episodes in between, but I've been able to shrug it off quickly by telling myself to get over it, and taking a move on and shrug it off approach. But sometimes, like this one, my inner voices want to fight me. I will go do some relaxation stuff when I get home, and hopefully this will just snap away soon. Helps to talk about it, thanks to everyone here.

[trinidiva]

Hi, thanks. The thing is that I have my streaks of good times, and though I am still the same, I don't worry about it. With these episodes, I panic and worry over everything. I get very upset with myself for being this way. A few times I have tried to schedule appointments with local psychiatrists or psychologists, but no one ever has any openings. My primary doctor will prescribe pills as needed, but I feel awkward making an appointment for that.
Anyway, my coming here to type this out was a good way to vent, and I thank you for responding. I'm dreading the 5am horror that is to come, as I get that during every episode. The voices drive me mad, though as you can see I recognize that its just in my mind and I can openly discuss it. During my earlier episodes, the pills did help. It took the voices and obsessiveness away. But.. they also made me hermit like. No desire for social interaction, and sexual desires. So I slowly stopped taking them. If by Saturday I am not better, I will call the doc.
Thanks

You shouldn't feel uncomfortable asking your doctors for the meds. You legitimately need them and aren't abusing them. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better and be able to enjoy life! If you are getting terrible side effects, talk to your doc about it, maybe they can switch you to something that is a bit more gentle. It took me a few tries to find something that works for me....now I take Buspar. It seems to do the job for me.

[Ants23]

Hi, as expected, a horrible night. Woke up multiple times, and the dreaded 5 am wake up shaking due to so much anxiety and racing thoughts. I tried not causing what I feared just because I expected it. I told myself it wouldn't happen, I went home and laid on the couch and watched the knicks game with my son. We rooted for the team and had a nice relaxing time. I went to bed, red some of my book, and made sure I felt calm before going to sleep. But no dice. Panic sets in and I couldn't avoid it. I did what I could to think ice relaxing thoughts and that helped some. I'm very unhappy with myself for having to be like this.
I have a weird sensation, that I wanted to see if anyone else ever experienced. A couple of months ago, and before this panic episode set in, I was sitting at my desk at work and I felt someone swipe the back of my hair. I turned and no one was there, and I assumed it was someone playing a prank and got up and looked. No one was there, so I dismissed it. The next day the same thing. This time I turned fast, and no one was there, and no way someone could have gone out the door that fast. Now all I could think of is maybe a bug landed on my head twice. Since then, I have felt that same sensation about 2 times a day. I have never felt this before, and has never been part of my anxiety. Am I loosing my mind? Is there a medical explanation? The beginnings of a panic attack and I didn't know it? I tried looking on the web for it, but all I could find was people blaming ghosts. I'm just curious of that was anything anyone else ever felt.
trinidiva, I will call doc today. Part of my morning anxiety could be the fact that I have to face people at work, and don't feel quite right. I can't just stay home for days, and 1 day isn't going to do much. I'm so jumpy right now that if some one were to sneak up on me I would scream. I will call doc and tell him the truth.