Hello...Is there anybody out there?

[Passionista]

Hello all! I posted this in the "welcome" section and got 50 views but not a single reply, so I thought I would try here!

I just did an internet search for "anxiety forum" and found this site, much to my delight.

I was in bed, fixating on an insect bite on my neck (they ALWAYS bite my neck!!!) and trying not to worry about having allergic reactions, intending to be sure I didn't have a panic attack, breathing deeply and resisting the urge to keep searching for insect bite photos online when I decided that I needed to try and find a different thing to focus on.

So, here I am.

I have suffered with anxiety for most of my life. I have had many injuries, endured abuse as a child and young adult and been hospitalized for severe car accidents in the past. The end result? I fixate on all things physical, strange diseases and health issues and obsess a bit. It doesn't help that I am a Nursing student, I suppose!

I have some valid physical concerns (Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, migraines, insomnia, ovarian cysts, multiple bone breaks and dislocations, dental issues, a heart murmur and the like) and I think that these things combined with the abuse I experienced in the past created the situation for me to fixate on my body and health.

I am usually anxious.I take no meds on a regular basis but have the Ativan on hand to intercept the wacky signals when my hyper vigilance bleeds over into an acute panic attack. I have only taken it 3 times in as many months because I fear taking it. I am too anxious to take my anxiety medication, as a matter of fact! Oh, that is so sad!!! It's just Ativan too, 1 mg.

I am sick of feeling like a prisoner of my fears. I am a great student (A's in 98% of the time), a creative, intelligent, loving person but I constantly fear I am going to die.

I don't want to pass these fears on to my 14 year old daughter. I have a wonderful man who loves me and I don't want to stress him out with my constant anxiety. This sucks and no one in my day to day life relates. Does anyone here relate to me?

I hope that I can learn, share, get support and support others here.

[V for Victor]

You're certainly not alone! Everybody here can relate in one way or another to you.

Sounds like you've got your anxiety figured out, in that you know what helps and what doesn't. I, too, had to learn when to stop looking up pictures and information on certain things I get worried over.

It sounds like you've had a hard time throughout many points in your life. Have you considered seeing a counselor? Or at least getting on a steady dosage of some anti-anxiety medication? It might help if you had a steady intake of another med, that way it can level you out over a long term.

[Passionista]

Thanks for the reply, Victor. I have had a lot of therapy. It helps some. :)

I am very anxious about the idea of taking meds regularly. About 10 years ago I stopped taking meds, because I was dissatisfied with the results (many side effects that resulted in personality changes, including impulsiveness and manic behaviors). I realize there are new medications on the market and have considered Cymbalta.

What meds have you taken and what have you found helpful?

[V for Victor]

I take Citalopram once a day. It is a very effective medication for controlling both anxiety and depression.

Last year I just sort of stopped functioning because of anxiety. (I have OCD, to be exact.)

I finally went to a doctor, and she prescribed the medication. Well, depsite that it has a very low occurence of side affects, I became scared to take the pills. They sat on my kitchen counter for about two weeks until I finally decided to take them. I've been taking them ever since, and I've never felt better!

I still get an occasional low in my mood, but that's normal. What matters is that I understand what I have and how to deal with it, and that it will pass.